Part 1 of 2: Everybody Kurts

So, here’s what you missed from Glee: Puck’s out of juvie (what was Mark Salling off doing, anyway?) and teaming up with Artie as community service, the mash-up contest is back (and more awful than ever), Kurt gets sick of being pounded on for being the only fashionista in the village and goes off to seek his own village, and Coach Shannon Beiste is used much the same way that Margaret Thatcher was once used, before her death made it tasteless — to turn off teenage boys who insist on macking on their girls in empty classrooms.

 

If Ted Mosby were younger (better looking, less annoying), he’d be Kurt Hummel, whose shirt and cardi show off some lovely textures, and whose bowtie looks like a graceful Death’s-head Hawkmoth. Eat your heart out, Jodie Foster.

 

Kurt’s suffering at the hands of Karofsky once again this episode, which is presumably why he’s decided to join the Foreign Legion. If not, I have no excuse for that natty tatty jacket and the overall lack of colour, styling, good sense…

 

The French is strong with Kurt this episode, by which I mean skinny stripes and props.

That undone bowtie-necklace-bikini thing is a prop, right? He didn’t wear it because he actually thought it would work? Right?

 

While I hate to offend anyone who can look this the neat, clean and well-coordinated while retaining the looks of an adorable foetus, the first thing I thought of when I saw this…

 

…was this.

Toht was a smart dresser too, don’t forget. Maybe if he’d moisturised a little more, he wouldn’t have got his face melted off while Harrison Ford went on to be hot another day.

 

This outfit really confuses me. So, Kurt’s having coffee with a couple of Dalton Warblers, and he chooses what, exactly? A coat with sleeves that match his shirt? A woollen frontlet over a shirt and tie combo? Something that won’t be stained by a nonfat no whip macchiato?

 

Look, I know the kid’s depressed, but he’s not Demi Lovato buying groceries in a fedora and shades. He has no need of peek-a-boo knitwear. Kurt Hummel blend in, he stands out.

 

Ack. Double-breasted coats aren’t usually a risk, but with that Alison Hendrix-esque look on his face and that mumsy scarf around his neck, Kurt looks like he’s smuggling a six month belly under there (in other words, he’s as lithe as a nymph and yet he’s dressing like a nana).

And still no colour!

 

Post-Kurt’s intervention with his new friend Blaine (we’ll get back to His awesomeness in a minute), Karofsky returns to being a bully…which actually does fab things for this frightened Fräulein’s wardrobe. Double egg yolk yellow in both the sweater and boots are unexpectedly gorgeous, and well played against a backdrop of checks.

 

It gets better, Kurt (but not for the other glee club members, their style is horrible).