After nearly three full seasons of scheming, ninja-ing, and amazing outfits, Emily finally achieves 50% of her stated goal as Conrad gets the Red Sharpie* treatment. (*Sharpie not included). Her plan was of the usual convoluted nature: Kidnapping Char to brainwash her against her father, trusting she’d immediately go confront Conrad, and that he’d confess to all of his crimes just in time for the whole thing to air on TV. As you do. The only possible flaws in her plan come in the form of Jack’s judgeypants, Daniel’s intent to expose her Pascal’s killer, and Victoria’s amateur CSI routine to prove Emily’s really Amanda. And then PLOT TWIST! Those letters Charvatar was receiving from her father may have really been from her father. Is David Clarke alive??

 

Margaux is the new Ashley

Seriously, show? We only get ONE OUTFIT FOR MARGAUX this week? At least it’s a good one. I mean, I think it’s a good one? She’s so fab it’s hard to tell. But I think the neckline combined with the lightly structured shoulders is a win. I think? 

 

Here’s the back: 

(Hi, Tyler Jacob Moore, formerly of GCB!)

 

OK, the sleeves are maybe a little weird. But her earrings are cute, her makeup is flawfree, and her hair is kind of…like how Nolan’s is, these days?

 

Later on, she throws on a random oversized coat jsut to make herself look even more gorge than usual. I was going to say it was Daniel’s coat, but he’s wearing his coat. So she just…has a really big men’s coat ready at all times to throw on like a cloak? 

Of course she does. She’s like a French superhero in this. La Femme Fashion.

 

Your Weekly Nolan

While Mr. Ross brought his best hacking and BFF skills to the plate, his clothes were far less OTT than usual. Like, he was dressed entirely in black and gray this week. And I don’t know what to think of these new collars.

First: Turtleneck? Just checked my notes and I have no idea what threat level this signifies.

And it’s also got 3/4 sleeves. You guys, is he shopping at the same place as Victoria? Will he start wearing bandage dresses next?

 

Anywhoo, the only other article of clothing we see him wear is this gray wool jacket: 

I mean, it’s cute in that sort of 1950s Gregory Peck sort of way, but that’s not the Nolan I thought I knew.

 

Annnnd now that’s more like it. Same Oliver Spencer coat, differently buttoned, turns an otherwise standard collar into a Mandarin collar. 

But you see what I mean, his hair and Margaux’s hair have the exact same cut? Maybe they use the same hair salon.

 

In Case You Forgot: Grayson Men Are THE WORST. THE WOOOORST.

So on the one hand we’ve got Daniel, owner of the most slap-inducing smirk on TV:

UGH. How could Emily have ever…UGH.

 

His coat is nice, and yet the odious horribleness of his personality makes me still want to slap him. Still, that’s an underrated length of men’s coat.

HATE.

 

And then we’ve got Con, Non-Father of the Year (i.e. screaming at his daughter that she’s useless and he can destroy her anytime).

 

Dude doesn’t even deserve a Red Sharpie. Emily gives him the Go Straight To Jail, Do Not Pass Go treatment. And Connie suddenly sees Emily in all of her glorious revenging angel glory.

I think he sort of admires her for everything she’s done. And furthermore, I think he’s going to help her bring down V. Maybe?

 

Queen V Does Mourning

Apparently, the death of Victoria’s Insta-True-Amour, Pascal, was mainly an excuse to trot out her finest black outfits. First up, this black trench (which I think we’ve seen before) worn while gazing mournfully out at the sea with her totally evil son.

Not pictured: she’s wearing pants (!) that are rolled up at the ankles (!!) so she can wander around barefoot in the sand (!!!). That’s how you know something’s wrong.

 

Next, she throws on perhaps my favourite black leather jacket I’ve ever seen, while pulling out Emily-esque ninja moves to steal DNA from L’il Carl. Seriously, check this black leather action: pockets and zippers and perfectly tailored and the cutest little peplum in the back. #WANT

But seriously, she somehow is the reason the toddler was crying on the ground, right? You know she’d do it.

 

She spends the rest of the episode in this 3/4 sleeve black turtleneck dress. She looks age-appropriate, for the first time in forever, and also like she’s able to properly inhale.

Added bonus: mourning has done wonders for her hair. Those loose waves are Emily-adjacent.

 

And then? Just in time for some impromptu/gothic piano playing, she throws on this velvet shoulder-padded Dynasty-style number to smirk at Con as he’s hauled off to jail. 

Aw, she’s nearly smiling. Cute.

 

But then she pulls out the best accessory of them all, the #I WILL DESTROY YOU look. 

I’m legit scared for Emily right now.

 

The Lady of the Hour

Raise a glass of champers for Emily, the woman who FINALLY HAD A PLAN THAT TOTALLY WORKED!!! Ems started out the hour in her finest PLL #A hoodie:

(But you know Emily’s not A. Those bitches would be long dead by now if she were.)

 

She dons normal person drag to head outside. For Ems, that means this AMAZE camel coat on top of her ninja blacks, along with a printed scarf and sunnies. Love the look on her face, all, “You need to take moi to the police station?”

Sidenote: love how she’s belted this coat. I WANT EVERY PART OF THIS OUTFIT.

Here’s the H-to-T (you knew it involved skinnies and killer heels, right?)

 

 

And I can’t not show you her classic black handbag. Stylish AND convenient for secretly messaging Nolan to change your fingerprint records.

 

What does your face look like when you get 50% of all you’ve wanted for the past three seasons? Pretty much like this:

Somehow, that little tear in her eye is like the perfect accessory.

 

How to celebrate this victory? Just a little something we like to call: NOM!

 

And things are good, right? All systems go? Except for the part where her father MIGHT BE TOTALLY ALIVE. Because cufflinks.

Or something?

 

Who Faux-Kidnapped It Better?

OK, when we started this site, I don’t think anyone imagined that in a single week, we’d be recapping not only two faux-kidnappings, but also…well, you’ll see in a minute.

Because Charvatar wasn’t the first lady to be fake-kidnapped on TV this week. Revenge vs Reign: who fake-napped it better? Round one: blindfolds:

I’ma give this one to Emily’s henchmen. Charvatar’s blindfold looks a lot cleaner and less scratchy than Cathy’s.

 

And round two… earrings on severed ears!

Notably, both shows combined fake-kidnappings with fake-ear-amputation. OK, these are apparently both legit ears, but neither belongs to the kidnap victims. Guys, that was a REALLY WEIRD COINCIDENCE right down to both ears wearing EARRINGS. Though I’ll give the overall ear to Revenge, for the additional blood, which makes it all more convincing.

 

Seriously, if next week’s Revenge finale features Ashley lurking around corridors wearing a burlap sack, I will declare official shenanigans and/or the Revenge and Reign writers hang out all together in what may be the most fun staffroom ever.