What Jess Wore to the Big Dance

Against the will of her coworkers, pupils, and friends, Jess plans a school dance. The theme? “Love lasts forever and ever and ever and ever…” Mm-hmm. I sense a broken heart, there. Predictably, all the dance chaperones bail, so Cece and the boys come to save/ruin the day. The situaton snowballs and culminates with a circuit breaker box smeared in paste. Cece threatens a teacher to find out who’s behind the sabotage, Nick sets off fireworks in the parking lot, Schmidt gets into an argument with a 12 year old and has a race to settle it, Winston turns into a lady-magnet, and Coach blows his whistle a lot.


Jess looked totes profesh while (trying to) drum up enthusiasm for the dance, no? She’s one of the only people who can pull off polka dots on the reg, and snaps for matching the collar and cuffs to said skirt.


Ok, so it takes more than an outfit to assure your coworkers that everything is under control NO, REALLY, IT’S ALL FINE. So, Jess called for backup: Cece with leather jeacket and badass attitude in tow, and was named security the second she walked in. After breaking a lock with a crow bar and physically threatening a teacher, it’s obvious who’s the Scary Spice of the group.


Meanwhile, Jess tried to play “bad cop” too, and oh Jess…have you never looked at yourself in the mirror? Like, you’re JESSICA FREAKING DAY and you’re wearing a gorgeous, innocent dress. The shape and length were uber flattering — I’m not sure how Nick didn’t swoon when he saw her. Maybe he was distracted by Schmidt’s sassy posing and Winston’s hair flipping?


So while the girls were doing damage control, the boys busied themselves by creating chaos. Winston’s “dance duty” was keeping boys and girls 6 inches away from each, which backfired when the girls began chasing him. I can only assume it’s the killer dance moves and choice of leather sneakers.


Winston’s fate seemed easy compared to Schmidt’s: he had to deal with a bully, which quickly escalated into a footrace challenge. I mean, of course. Schmidt would have trouble being the bigger person when threatened by a 13 year old.

Anywho, I’m not sure how he managed to run in those shoes, but props for sprinting in cashmere. That shizz gets hot.


As the race was happening, Nick drank suicides in the parking lot, then set off fireworks while being pushed in a shopping cart. So, a typical night for Nick? The scene looked a little like this…  

Not exactly what middle school dance chaperones should be doing, but I’ll let it slide because this does look kind of fun. Nick naturally wore plaid and even managed to matched his teenaged partner-in-crime. Bonus points for you, Mr. Miller.


I’ll end this post by showcasing Jess’s awesome “Glinda the Good Witch” shoes. Athough I’m sure she’s not the only one who can pull off these glitzy babies, the outfit as a whole deserves a medal. So angelic, if not impractical for running around a middle school.


Oh and I guess I should add the photo that proves the gang can have fun even at a middle school dance. Cece doesn’t seem to be threatening anyone, Winston isn’t dancing with 14 year old girls, Coach finally dropped his whistle, Schmidt isn’t challenging children to feats of strength, and Nick has hit “pause” on hanging out with teenage hoodlums.

As for Jess, she finally got her big dance. Guys, this is so afterschool special and heartwarming I can barely stand it.