What Jess Wore the Morning After the Morning After

The only thing worse than breaking up is telling your friends that you and your boo are no longer 4eva. But before Nick and Jess can break the news, Winston announces that he’s been accepted into the police academy (woot!), and a victory group dance ensues. Nick and Jess stall their big reveal for Winston’s sake and for some reason beyond me, try to convince each other that they’re totes fine and it’s all nbd. Except, not so much. Jess cries her little heart out to Jamie Lee Curtis and Cece, while Nick tries to distract himself by planning Winston’s honey roast. Yep, you read that right. Precious, isn’t he? 

 

If anything has been there through thick and thin for our Jess, it’s her little black miniskirt. For having just broken up with her boyfriend, she looks remarkably put together. And by that I mean she’s not wearing sweatpants and a Ben & Jerry’s stained tee shirt. 

And she even has the wherewithal to pick this perfect little Cambridge Satchel for her mad dash to Cece’s apartment.

 

Who, btw, is trying to get her GED. First beauty and now brains? Well, barring anything geographical at least…whatever. Come on, Cece, throw us a bone here. Or a drink while you’re back there. I can’t handle her perfection. 

And when you look like this in any old teal tank top, who wouldn’t want to tutor you? 

 

Oh right. Duh. Schmidt looks so clean cut and handsome — almost like he stepped out of a Banana Republic catalogue. The large checked pattern is a nice departure from all of the plaid and gingham we’ve been seeing lately, and the dark colors are so sophisticated. If only all tutors looked like that… nevermind, that would be entirely counterproductive. 

 

Speaking of being counterproductive, Jess and Nick each think that the other is 100% a-okay with this break-up and it’s driving both of them bananas. Nick admits everything to Coach, who’s changed into his dressy hoodie. It’s not a matched suit, so I’ll take it.

 

Nick spends the day distracting himself with plans for Winston’s honey roast (that’s like a traditional roast, but where you say nice things instead) in this pink and gray checked shirt. So, I guess we’re just okay with making all kinds of mistakes now? What is that? Why is it weird shades of coral and gray?

 

I suppose he could be forgiven in light of his recent emotional trauma, but just to remind ourselves what once was — Hungry eyes, indeed. (Snaps to NG for giving us a Dirty Dancing moment at the end of the ep…classic breakup therapy movie.)

 

And in another flashback-y snapshot, we find out that Jess enjoys watching Coach enjoy watching Winston yawn. Let’s pretend that’s not even a little bit weird and focus on how terribly chic this black and gold printed dress is. The pattern is a touch mod, but not overly so, and the colors just suit her so well. Ahh, those were the good old days. 

 

 

 

 

Being a good friend, Jess rallies and attends the honey roast as Ferguson the cat. That was per Winston’s request, so I’ve given up trying to understand. But, only Jess could make a sad cat costume look adorable and not so completely out of the ordinary. The wine probably helps. The “holiday pours” (which I’m totally stealing) probably help even more. 

 

When Jess and Nick finally figure out that they’re both miserable and upset, Jess gives into her heartbreak and goes from the holiday pour to the holiday bottle, some Dirty Dancing, and of course, perfectly adorable red and purple plaid Victoria’s Secret pajamas. Someone takes their semi-annual sale seriously, hmm?

 

I think we’ve all still got a little heartache from the big break-up, so I’ll leave you with this.

I mean…I guess… nevermind, there are no words. Whatever floats your boat, Winston, whatever floats your boat. Better hope Jess doesn’t get any of her holiday pours on that. 

 

It’s hard to believe Jess and Nick have permanently set-up camp in Splitsville because they’re just so gosh darn cute together, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they’ll embark on some kind of Ross/Rachel thing. Hey, at least she’s got the hair for it.