Part 1: Camembert/ComeonBurt

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Kurt’s dad has a heart attack, which is the cue for the New Directions to circle round like pitchy vultures, offering religious guidance and fabulous hat-wearing opportunities. Finn finds the face of Jesus in his sandwich and bases his life around religion for five minutes before going all R.E.M. and losing it again. What do you mean, this episode was just an Emmy showpiece for Chris Colfer?

 

Even before Burt succumbs to a cardiac episode, Kurt’s dressing worryingly like a Tim Burton character. His Jack Skellington trousers are somewhat of a marvel, and I doubt any other character could ever pull them off, but Tatty Devine-esque moustaches? Is he twelve?

 

As ever, there’s a feeling of the spectre of Alexander McQueen hovering around Kurt: he’s gorgeously depressed in distressed grey, but tartan is de rigeur for tormented fashionistas.

 

…as are textures of whatever colour that is. (aupe?) Kurt admits he’s an atheist, which immediately leads the entire Glee club to start bashing their sacred text of choice. No wonder he’s all sludgy.

 

Things get worse and worse, as does Burt Hummel, who’s in one of those non-specific comas that happen everywhere except Grey’s Anatomy, where they bother to explain things.

Either way, Hummel Jr. appears to have donned flack jacket. Monotheists in the hole!

 

I feel like this coat, which adds a lovely splash of red to a drab outfit and, let’s be honest, set, should really have been saved for the inevitable “yay, Burt’s better!” scene — all the same, it’s a nice reprieve from all that grey. The tartan accessories, though? Och aye the nooo.

 

I know Glee season two aired before Gossip Girl season six, but this is just a note to remind you to be more Chuck Bass, because it’s doing wonders for Kurt. That hat is Ascot-worthy.

 

Burt comes to in time to see Kurt’s tamest and somehow sweetest outfit of the episode: a shirt in green school dress plaid, and a soft cream cardi with a shawl colour.

He could snuggle his father back to health!

 

I’ve lumped Mercedes in with Kurt here because it’s her charismatic Christianity that leads Kurt to that amazingly feathered hat. Glory be to its excellent workmanship.

Although Mercedes’ ugly ‘om nom nom’ shirt is certainly sinful. Let’s burn it.

 

Yes, she does a terrific rendition of Whitney, because Amber Riley has pipes, but busty girls should not wear boleros. They’re never going to fight right over shoulder boulders.

 

This is a nice purpley-pinky-bluey colour, and that’s all I have to say on the matter.

 

Can someone confirm or deny that this t-shirt reads ‘yes, it’s real’? Because I’d like to make an addendum to my busty comment and say this makes it sound like she means her chesticles.

There’s a lot of purple from Mercedes this episode, and it does good things for her.

 

Can Mercedes just go to church all the time? Seriously, she’s radiant. I love the way she carries over the flower motif from her dress with a corsage, it makes the pieces seem made for each other.

 

The New Directions perform “One of Us” dressed as waitstaff, weirdly like their group look from last episode. Were these filmed back-to-back, or are the stylists just getting sloppy?

 

This episode is annoyingly plot-driven. I want more cardigans, Edam it!