I fully support any episode that takes place at a horsetrack. It’s a green light for outrageous fashion including a glaringly obvious hat. Victoria’s been trying to step up her Revenge(!!!) game by setting some “traps” for Emily, although it’s painfully clear Victoria has no idea who she’s dealing with. Oh, you secretly invited a future Red Sharpie victim to draw Emily out so you can detect her true motives? Sister, she knows. At this point, my TV wine and I are watching it like an old episode of Double Dare — who’s getting slimed next? Jack returns from his rather sombre trip to LA (re: mom’s in rehab) and Margaux’s all, “Was Lindsay at the Chateau Marmont!?” Note to Jack: dump the French gal! You’re all fashionable now — the world is in your hands. Meanwhile, at Nolan Ross Compound, Javier and Charlotte are playing around like their teenagers, Nolan’s trying to keep Javier out of the Grayson sinkhole, and of course you know that ends up with them winning. But the best part of that nonsese? Nolan’s pissed and she’s gonna do. it.

 

Here we have Emily Thorne is the hat they use to cover Montauk when it snows. I’m not even going to get into my theories on this magical New York state weather in Revenge(!!!) because it’s *completely* unbeweaveable, but I will talk about this hilariously oversized millinery. 

I’m down for her sticking to a monochromatic colour palette since that always looks stunning on her figure, but I worry it’s a little too close to LA Noir for my taste. The dark lip and mysterious, silky draping? I mean, she looks outstanding, but is it costumey?

 

 

 

Speaking of costumey…hey, Margaux! Y’all know I live and die by the fascinator, but I gagged on this one. And not in the good drag queen way. Maybe it’s the up-do that’s throwing me off, but Margaux doesn’t seem suited for this look. Frankly, with her adorable pixie cut, she should have that big ass hat on her head. 

The violet dress is making up for the look, tho. Chartreuse and violet are pals in my book.

It’s a shame her European style is rubbing off on Daniel in all the wrong ways. Boy can’t decide if he’s going for 1980s teen movie preppy villain, or if he’s giving you 3-piece dourness. No, Mr. Grayson! You can’t shut down our youth centre! *cue rollerblade sequence*

 

Ah, Victoria. I’m not sure what inspired this metallic, faerie-like ensemble for the races but I’ll allow it to happen. It’s nice to see you move so freely now that your hips aren’t constrained by yards of body-sealing fabrics. Characters need to dress outside of the box every now and then so bloggers like us don’t get stuck in a rut and start to hate everything they do. 

   HOWEVER… I’m hating the fact that she showed up to the races without a hat. Even a tiny one. She must be off her game because Victoria Grayson can dress for every occassion and we’ve seen it. Labour Day, engagements, funerals, visiting the convent where you gave up your first born…she knows her angles, that one.

 

And then: YES. More yellows and oranges for Nolan, please! Oh, and your eyes don’t deceive you — that’s an ascot tied around his swan-like neck. At this point, Nolan’s worn nearly ever conceivable colour and pattern available to him, I suppose it was a matter of time before he delved into knits. 

I’m not wild about cardigans these days, especially with the nautical double button, but who am I to critique Nolan Ross? He’s worn a animal print button-down with lime green short-shorts and blue suede loafers. Honey, yes, the house down, work.

 

Nolan’s roomie Javier is the best thing to ever happen to Charlotte. She’s grabbing all that screen time. That said, his fresh out of prison, “I’m a bad boy of technology who can’t really dress himself because, you know, I was in prison” look hasn’t won me over yet. Cut to Charlotte looking positively Gracious Grayson in that red dress and we’re going to be OK. 

   It’s not as body as Victoria’s cons, but it’s getting there. I’m just glad she’s got a side piece again. I was afraid we were going to be stuck with her as the stylish floor lamp in every scene.

 

Best buds forever! How else do you comfort your Revenge(!!!) BFF after learning his father was murdered for trying to do the right thing?

   As an aside, when Aidan tackled that guy in drag, I scream laughed. First, because I thought it was totally over-the-top and outlandish for Aidan to tackle a woman; second, because once he ganked that weave off her head, I clocked those blue garage doors she tried to pass off for eyes and was howling.

Oh, you’re only in woman’s clothing and make-up when you leave the house to conceal your identity? Learn how to blend before you think you be living stealth.

 

The Red Sharpie made another slow-motion laden appearance this week as Emily took out yet another Grayson Global cronie, then toasted with a glass of Contemplation Red Wine while wearing a cozy off-white knit. For a hot second, I thought I was watching Scandal.

Anyway, this time, Red Sharpie took out the dude who transferred the money to the terrorists who did what David Clarke was wrongly accused of doing. You know, I don’t care what David did, didn’t do, thought about doing, or dreamed about — I just want to see some drama, please!

 

After going undercover as a job seeker, Emily does the old bait-and-switch, feeding real chemicals to Gilliam while he’s on stage. But the best part of the whole plan? The sassy Power Point presentation she made to accompany it! How she gonna do all that in floral prints? 

The neckline on this Alice + Olivia maxi was a tad whore-adjacent for a daytime awards ceremony, and the print definitely came from The Golden Girls. But that is my favourite television show of all time. OF ALL TIME. So I like this look on principle.

 

At the end of the episode, we see Victoria has her own Sharpie — the Black Sharpie of Revelation. It’s decidedly less dramatic, although she does namecheck the show (Revenge[!!!]) when she comes upon her raspy whispered epiphany, clad in evil lingerie.

Yeah gurl. Emily’s out for revenge(!!!) and if you’re just clocking that now, I’m afraid we’ve got a few more seasons of the Plotting Balcony to expect.