Well kids, this was certainly a clusterf**k of Revenge(!!!). I’m not even going to pretend to know what’s going on, so let’s break it down: Charlotte and Daniel fight to remain relevant as they (sort of) team up against Emily/Jack/Nolan. Victoria and Pascal are happening, and we find out that he was only 19 when Margaux came around (sacre bleu!), while he realizes that maybe she knows what she’s doing. Margaux seems to unknowingly be in a a love triangle (quadrangle?) with Jack/Daniel/Emily. Emily and Aiden head over to my side of the pond for something that seems to have something to do with the whole Revenge(!!!) plot. And oh yeah, Mason EFFING Treadwell is back. I’m tired already, so lets get to it.

 

Nobody Cares

So Daniel’s trying to get Charlotte to realize that Jack and Nolan are in cahoots with Emily. Well, duh. And he manages to get under her skin dressed like Mr. Rogers. Though I am glad to see Charlotte dressing more like she’s from the Hamps’ and less like she’s from Flushing, Queens, a la last week. 

Lovely silk kimono and soft hair, Char, but alas, this does not make you relevant.

 

The Most Functional Family in the Hamptons

Char’s adorbs little nephew, Carl, is with his new family of Grandma Stevie, future-step-mama Margaux, and papa Jack. 

Stevie G’s back on her game in a plum shift with gold accessories (that I couldn’t get a good snap of, sorry!), and we all know what Jack looks like, hurt puppy expression included. I’m not as huge a fan of Margaux’s look as YKYLF editor Ann, but I do lurve the lacy chartreuse pencil skirtand gold hardware around that tiny waist. I just can’t get down with turtleneck sleeveless anything.

 

Your Weekly Nolan Ross

Meanwhile, Nolan is calling some techies in what I can only assume is a Cosby sweater? Not on board with this either, though the colors are fab.

Note Javier strutting around in the background like a Grease extra. Anyone else expect him to pull a comb out of his pocket, Danny Zuko-styles?

 

His Father’s Son

Anyway, Daniel, still clinging to significance, confronts Pascal and reminds him of what an amazing daughter he has, and gently sneaks in that Jack isn’t really the stand-up guy that he seems to be. Crafty-ish.

I want to like his suit, but it just looks like another Conrad hand-me-down. Come on Daniel, take your shirt off already. I’m sure that’s all you’re good for anymore.

 

Though he does get Pascal to admit that he hasn’t been a great father to the immaculate Margaux.

Big ups for the blouse. So different to what she normally wears. Girl knows how to mix it up, and werk some dangly earrings.

 

Nobody Cares, Part 2

Oh yeah, Charlotte’s still around. Well, she walks into a bar (ouch! Heh…) and in on a conversation that Jack and Nolan are having with Emily (we’ll get to her part, I promise). 

Nolan is back on form with a beautifully flowery black button down and chocolate suede blazer. And I’m digging the teal scarf on Charlotte, but I’m kind of tired of all the cut-outs. We get it, you’re young and edgy(ish).

 

Then she changes into this mess to receive her new boy-toy. It’s like she’s wearing a toga.

But it seems as though Javier is helping to inadvertantly lure Charlotte over to #TeamDaniel. At least until she flips back to #TeamEmily next week. She really can’t pick a side.

 

Speaking of Danny, he’s celebrating with Margaux over a bottle of champers and long lingering glances.

At least he ditched the wool suit.

 

Fifty Shades of Grayson

So…  Victoria and Pascal are banging.

I have nothing else to say about this.

 

But post-roll-in-the-hay, Queen V heads to the jailhouse dressed to the nines in a white skirt suit to see none other than… Mason Treadwell.

MASON EFFING TREADWELL Y’ALL!!! The show gets, like, 100% more interesting whenever this creeper shows up.

This week, he asks Queen V to get him out so he can have lobster benedict as a free man. A man after my own heart. You can take the girl out of Maine…

 

Lawyer’d!

But in swoops Stevie on behalf of Emily to try and woo him back over to her side.

I’m not sure what I think about her indigo sweater with the leather cuffs. Trying a bit too hard maybe.

 

Meanwhile, Victoria traipses over to see Conrad for some reason (I was starting to drift at this point), managing to look frumpy in an off-the-shoulder body-con number.

It looks a bit loose on her doesn’t it? Like in the ribs and arms? Oh well, she brings it back around later, you’ll see.

 

PLOT TWIST(!!!)

And then Mason totally dies.

DEATH BY FACE CREAM!

 

And Vicky G manages to parlay that into a chance to drive Stevie G back to drink. Again.

Who sits around in these outfits?! I’m wearing sweats up in here!

 

Anyway, Stevie is my style-star this week in this gorgeous flowery number.

The cut is absolutley fabulous on her hourglass figure. Snaps from me, Original Mrs. G.

 

PLOT TWIST 2: EVEN TWISTIER

Surprise!!! Nolan’s back (hurrah!) to let us know that not only is Mason not dead, he’s been sprung from the clink and given a new identity as part of Emily’s master plan.

TEMPORARY DEATH BY FACE CREAM!

 

And Jack walks in to find Stevie staring down at a tumbler full of vodka. I’m liking how Nolan’s popped collars are rubbing off on Jack. It’s a step in the right direction for our resident boy next door. 

And Stevie blurts out in her slightly inebriated state that “Daniel was right” about him being in love with Emily. I’m not sure if Jack is upset that Daniel is having influence or that he might actually love Emily… which brings us to…

 

The Actual Revenge(!!!) Plotline

So Aiden wakes from a nightmare in which he finds his own father dead in the garden shed. Only it’s not a nightmare. That actually happened to him.

At least Emily is there to console him in her cosiest of neutral robes. And agrees to head across the Atlantic for a visit with Aiden’s mum. Aw.

 

And there’s sweet old mum now! Braving the most miserable weather to greet the son she hasn’t seen in seven years. Emily is introduced as his fiancee, and looks amazing after a 7 hour flight. And Aiden’s managed to pop his collar pre-reunion. 

Nolan’s obvs to credit for that.

 

After hearing that Aiden was the one who found his father dead, Emily gains more understanding of Aiden’s own revenge (!!!) plans. She only packed her comfy neutrals for this trip folks, but at least she packed her curling iron. 

And the dynamic duo find a clue in the etchings of Aiden’s father. Oscar Champan, another name to add to the ever growing list of people connected with David Clarke.

 

Anyway, Aiden tells his mother that his father was blackmailed into his “terrorist” act by the men who had kidnapped his daughter. And mama Mathis gains some closure. When Aiden and Emily return to the Hamptons, they share this look:

 

Which leads to this kiss…

 

Which leads to this the next morning.

And the knowledge that Oscar Chapman faked his own death. Let the revenging(!!!) continue!

 

Alright, so I’m not sure I cleared anything up for anyone, but at least Mason Treadwell came back for one glorious moment. Crossing my fingers we’ll get another big gala next week, because I’m missing my weekly taste of glam Montauk evening-wear. Even if the plots make zero sense, you know this cast can bring it, black-tie-style.