What Mindy Wore to Get Dumped and Be a Porn Star

We’re back! The double-episode spring premiere begins where it ended months ago, with the epic kiss that left us swooning. To the count of four, our questions were answered as practical Danny and romantic Mindy finally realized their love for each other, and we learn the aftermath of their highly anticipated kiss — someone’s grandma dies, a church is nearly burned down, Mindy stars in a porno, and Danny is hospitalized. So much for happily ever after.

 

 

Mindy and Danny’s passionate embraces quickly ended in true sitcom-style when the pair attempted to join the mile-high club, and Mindy’s hair was flushed down the airport toilet (ew) and Danny’s arm got stuck in the sink.

Things only worsened for the pair after landing when Cliff and a band of mariachi’s greeted them at the elevator. Usually this over-the-top proclamation of love is the kind of stuff Mindy dies for but in this instance it’s just a flood of awkwardness. However, Minds definitely looks love-triangle worthy in her Vamp Diaries moto jacket and striped maroon sweater with a jeweled neckline. Btw, jealous Danny is possibly the most adorable/lovable thing ever. He looks like Grumpy Cat.

 

Did anyone shed tears of pity for Cliff? Poor guy had just recovered from a bad case of Kim Kardashian ugly crying only to be rejected again. This divorce lawyer’s trust issues are definitely in the dumps.

 

The next morning, Mindy boldly layers bright colors with prints to create another quirky look for the week. I love the top half of this outfit, but IMO, the neutral snake patterned pencil skirt doesn’t quite match the bright equestrian print button down. Perhaps too many animals?

 

Mindy decides to pull a Kate Hudson and lose her guy a.s.a.p. Apparently this entails an open door bathroom policy and wearing taupe, the color of ugly. But things get complicated when Cliff’s beloved grandma dies and, of course, it’s hard to dump the depressed. Cliff ends up sleeping over (sans sex) and Mindy attempts to console him: “They say the best thing for grieving is to be by yourself.”

 

After failing at getting dumped, Mindy commiserates with Danny and a gropey skeleton hand. Perhaps Danny wasn’t too upset about her “over the jean action” with Cliff because of this beauteous LK Bennet shift dress. Fave outfit of the week, right here. The watercolor pallet of blues compliments her skin tone and hugs her curves perfectly. Heck, I would forgive her for sorta-cheating on me too!

Note to self: Once I get a classy job, I need to add this dress to my wardrobe.

 

The B-stories were lacking this week, yet Peter managed find some hijinks and ruin a deal with potential clients. He joined forces with the Midwives to woo the ladies of the Metropolitan Ballet, however, his hatred of the art prevented him from sitting through an open rehearsal.

Although mildly funny, the scene of Peter pushing the girl ballerina towards her partner made me want to push past his entire subplot so I could return to my Mindy/Danny scenes. 

Ah, that’s better! At the funeral Mindy looks as ferosh as Sasha Fierce in a gorgeous black trench with matching Kendra Scott earrings. I die for Mindy outerwear on a regular basis – who knew funeral attire could be so chic?

 

Less fashionable was her behavior at said funeral. In a sad yet hilarious moment, Cliff comments, “guess we’re going with cremation anyways” because, yeah, Mindy and Danny totally started a fire with vigil candles while hooking up. After their sinning, Mindy finally admits her true feeling to Cliff, who punches Danny and curses them with the “cruel and unforgiving” ghost of his grandmother. Harsh, but he did just lose g-ma in a fire ignighted by his cheating girlfriend. We’ll forgive him.

 

In the second half of the premiere, Mindy turns martyr and decides to abstain from sex with Danny. I’m all for this if it means they’re long term. I’m also all for her reptilian print, emerald shift dress. I particularly love the statement necklace layered over the high neckline (#gorge). 

 

However Danny, whose sperm was once described as “listless” by James Franco, is so hot for Minds that he literally ends up hospitalized. After learning of her beau’s bad health (a pesky case of meningitis), doting Mindy offers her cure-all copy of Bridget Jones’ Diary, which Danny surprisingly accepts (so cute).

 

In a surprising turn of events, Mindy learns she’s surfaced on a porn site categorized as an Indian BBW (big, beautiful woman). Said video involved her always hilarious ex, Tom, in an awkward role-playing scene. 

I will never look at Girl Scouts the same way. Thanks, Mindy.

 

Mindy quickly realizes the permanence of the Internet and is forced to address the source of her issue — the porn distributors. She joins forces with Peter to confront these “gross slimeos” in their “seedy warehouse” however; apparently porn sites are family-run businesses that hire sweet grannies and work in gorgeous offices. Who knew? (BTW: love the Downton Booty poster.) 

 

Peter and his Dartmouth cred save the day after he bonds with the fellow alumni that run the site. They promise to take the video down and all seems well until Morgan unknowingly hands Danny a copy of Mindy’s porno. Jealous Danny rears again but Tom explains they only made the video because they couldn’t connect emotionally, while Mindy claims it was the two thousands and “you were kinda a loser if you didn’t have a sex tape.”

Not your best reasoning, Mindy. Although wearing an adorable bird patterned blouse with matching coral earrings is a much better life choice.

 

The episode ends with what may be the most adorable rendering of Bridget Jones’s Diary ever (sorry Hugh Grant): with his bright reading glasses, checkered hospital gown, and British accent, Mindy and the audience collectively swooned for Danny Castelano’s reading of her favorite book.

I cannot wait for next week’s continuation of the Mindy and Danny love saga, particularly now that they’re both in the hospital sharing the same meningitis strain. I mean, going through a thing like that has gotta give a couple some staying power, right?