Part 1 of 2: …Baby One More Tribute

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Britney Spears is apparently too provocative for the New Directions (whereas Madonna, she of the underwear-outerwear and flaming crosses, got a free pass?) so her songs are showcased via dream sequences and one raunchy live number which nearly turns an assembly into the orgy scene at the end of Perfume: The Story of a Murderer. Will tries to entice Emma away from Carl (hey there, John Stamos), Rachel asks Quinn to try to entice Finn away from her (say what now), and the plot is pretty much abandoned in favour of Heather Morris’ banging bod. I spy a male-oriented marketing strategy…

 

In my head, Glee is an environmentally friendly show, and Brittany’s Britney Oops! catsuit was recycled from Finn’s shower curtain-based Gaga-inspired gown.

There was certainly enough of it.

 

Have I mentioned this was the episode of the show where I learned to hate Heather Morris? You go ahead, Brittany, shake your spangles. Me and my cookie dough are just fine.

 

JUST FINE, BRITTANY S. PIERCE. You just keep on looking like a redneck harem princess.

 

I can’t say I’ll ever approve of an outfit with a detachable collar, or for that matter, a fedora, but I kind of like this. Brittany (as Britney) looks like a cage fighter in business casual.

 

And Santana, you should wear neutrals more often! What a glow! With that cane out of shot, you look like a Cece Rhodes wannabe at the White Party. Such fun!

 

Oops, I think all my yelling at Rachel about the need to be a slutty schoolgirl paid off.

 

But I’m going to stick my neck out and say even slutty schoolgirl outfits, while best kept for the boudoir, are better than sportswear as casualwear. Nuh-uh. No, ma’am.

 

A sports bra is not a shirt, and sweatpants are not actual pants.

Sure, it’s nice to see Rachel out of her shell (although not her tongue out of her mouth), but any girl who has a dream in which she wears a sports bra is not a girl I want to know.

 

The New Directions almost figure out the less is more approach when it comes time for their hell-raising Toxic performance: clothes on, hoo-has covered, then work those hats.

There’s a lot of t-shirt/waistcoat business this episode, though, and I cannot condone it. The entire cast are apparently on break from waiting tables somewhere halfway classy.

 

Britney herself makes a cameo appearance, and although the heavy eye makeup and tousled hair are very Britney Jean, she is Britney Jean, meaning Britney Spears, meaning the Queen.

Also, not letting her/forcing her to sing brought up all my repressed feelings about Idina Menzel’s speaking part in Enchanted. Bad times.