Part 2 of 2: The Usual Suspects

Kurt is punchy, but punchy Kurt still looks cute, even when dressed like the Nazi whose face melts off in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I would say he needs to tone it down, but it’s Kurt…

Is the Boys sign behind his head a subtle joke or a non-funny coincidence? You choose.


This is more like it: a tricolor cravat under a layered shirt and jacket (French Resistance, maybe, but not a Nazi in sight).


One of my biggest Kurt bugaboos is his penchant for wearing sweaters which are so long that they look like they need leggings underneath, not trousers. It’s a very feminine shape which makes Kurt seem wide, and is completely at odds with good tailoring and good sense.


This jumper (which I would one hundred percent wear, where do you get it and do they make in lady sizes?) is very Jack McFarland, probably in his acting coach phase. Something about that baker boy cap just screams musical theatre.


Stop the press. Nix the Will and Grace references. Kurt made a suit out of my nana’s duvet, which is shiny, quilted and magenta, and wore it to school. Genuinely. What else is there to say but ack?!

Mercedes, conversely, is pretty tame and quite pretty. The massive jewellery pattern on her top is definitely preferable to her usual habit of just wearing a massive amount of jewellery.


Of course, like her bezzie Kurt, Mercedes returns to form with denim, studs and gold, gold, gold! She has a similar dress sense to Finn’s mother, which someone should really point out.


And now, she has a similar dress sense to a children’s entertainer named Bozo. Gentle readers, please take heed – everything in moderation, including love, cake, bright colours and slogan tees.


This striped shirt is to Ms Jones what a basic white top might be to you or I, so I’d like to focus on how lovely that shade of pink is on her and ignore her scarily spangly accessory.


Tina’s toned down the goth this episode, for which I can only be thankful. Sure, she’s wearing what might be a razor blade around her neck, but at least there’s no violently coloured eyeshadow.


Apparently, Tina’s relationship with mover and shaker Mike Change blossomed over summer – as did Tina’s shirtfront, which is blossoming all over the place, only hemmed in by a surprisingly tasteful black jacket. Even her manicure isn’t that offensive, so snaps for Tina!

There’s a sort of bondage feel to this sweater, like the black stripes might be duct tape and Tina might secretly be a Lolita-themed escort, but that’s besides the point. I like this sweater, which is on trend and which makes lovely use of the classic red and black contrast.


As for this…it’s black, and fails to thrill me.

Oh, Tina. Like in Hairspray, you’ve come so far, but you’ve got so far to go.