This week on BRING ME THE BURNING POKER: Our last new ep until March(!!!)both wrapped up some things and left some tantalizing new plots open for the end of the season. Cupcake’s parading around as Danny’s Official Slampiece (tm Reign) and of course Emily, having none of that, gives her the old Red Sharpie treatment. So it’s out with the Cupcake Lady and in with Daniel and Emily’s new Gone Girl-inspired hate-fuelled marriage. In other news, Victoria uses the legit sad story of Patrick’s conception to woo him back onto #TeamV. Oh and then Nico learns that Aiden killed her father. I’m sure that won’t lead to anything unpleasant. PLUS Emily’s been having blackouts and the episode ends with her waking up in bed after a night of passion with… Conrad?(!!!)
Oh, Cupcake. You really didn’t know what you were in for, did you? Though to be fair LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES. Emily’s really doing her a favour, getting her away from the dude who broke her back in a DUI and then never called.
Gala of the Week
WHY NO GALAS? This show hasn’t had a big dress-up occasion since Emily’s shotgun wedding. Luckily, Margaux wears haute couture 24/7 so we’re not totally starved for fashionz.
While Margaux’s “Blanche from Golden Girls” wild orchid puff-sleeve number was eye-catching, I greatly preferred her kicky red shift dress.
Most Soapy Moment:
“Nico, cauterize my wound with this burning poker.” “Do you need anything to bite on?” Nico, have you met Emily Thorne? Girlfriend will go swimming in a chlorinated pool with open wounds. A little hot poker is just another day, another dollar for this lady.
Don’t worry if you missed this week’s episode – we’ve got the full fashion recap for you on Wednesday, courtesy of Lauren.