Part 2 of 2: Any Way They Want It

Tina’s outfits improve over the course of the episode. I started with the best, now, let’s work back to the worst! This black top/black tutu ensemble is boring, but not a punishable offence.


This, however — unless you have a jawline out of an Ikea catalogue, please steer clean of too much fuss around the neck. Promise me? Please? Also, avoid ‘I’ve been homeschooled’ pinafores.


Tina should just stop dressing like Emily Browning in A Series of Unfortunate Events. Macabre Emily? Cute. Macabre Tina? Ick. Even Kurt’s celebration of beige looks good by comparison to all those safety pins.

Mercedes matches the cushion she’s gripping quite nicely, but that’s the last nice thing I’m going to say. Why two watches, girl? Do you need to call Shanghai to sell some stocks?


Or is it Japan you need to call — World War Two-era Japan? Because Kurt is dressed as a cross between a sea battle reenactor and a Harajuku girl, and I don’t like it.


I couldn’t help myself.


Back on track (get it?) and back on topic, Mercedes sure does wear some peculiar pieces this episode. A glittery fedora, worn to serenade Mr Schue?


A possibly Jennifer Hudson in Sex and the City-inspired Love necklace? To be fair, Mercedes could do with taking a leaf from Louise from St. Louis’ book, or at least a bag from her closet.


Rachel’s end-of-season wear leaves a lot to be desired, in that it’s just very drab…


…or not drab, but very inappropriate (you can very nearly see what Lea Michele had for dinner in that skirt, although I’m not encouraging such behaviour)…


…or more appropriate, but less appealing to the eye. Socks and loafers together should be banned, they’re as deadly a combination as Bonnie and Clyde (and not half so glamorous).


I can almost understand Rachel being so down, since her mother is refusing to coach the glee club — or any glee club, for that matter — and is stepping down to start a family and ignore the one she already has. For shame, Elphaba Elsa Idina Shelby.

Purple, even elegantly draped purple, is now the colour of shame.


And I hate your scarf shirt thing! For shame!


Speaking of absentee mothers, Quinn’s mother turns up in time to see her become a mother, and she’s dressed impeccably, and her jewellery matches, and her cheekbones are killer. The Force is strong in their family, even if ties of affection aren’t.

Still, it’s going to take more than a perfect hair swish to earn my forgiveness.