Part 1 of 2: Give Up the Funk (Please!)

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Jesse’s defected back to Vocal Adrenaline (boo, hiss) who get New Directions in a funk with their righteous rendition of “Another One Bites The Dust”, leading to a super weird and twisty storyline where choir rooms are TPed, tires are slashed, ex-wives stack towels and an annoying soprano gets pelted with eggs. Mercedes slams Quinn for being a ninety five pound, doe-eyed, bon mot tossing, label-whoring package of girly evil (or was that another show?), and then Quinn slams Mercedes with James Brown. Game, set and match to Miss Fabray, who then agrees to move in with Miss Jones. Is anyone else confused?

 

It was another ordinary day at McKinley High School, except Tina was wearing this poofy-skirted lace dress which would have been sort of Paramore-chic without the skulls, and Mercedes has sequin claw marks across her boobs. Quinn was pregnant, Will was perplexed…

…it was another ordinary day.

 

Then those mean kids from Carmel High shook their toned tooshes to a Queen song, and Tina was sad. For once, her dour outfit was actually appropriate for the occasion. (Sad) snaps.

 

The real star of the show was of course Rachel, who managed to look both shocked and well-presented in a lovely ruffled lavender blouse with just a hint of latte lace. Delicious.

 

She soon dropped the ball, however, losing the will to live and her dress sense as she retreated back to bright, kindergarten-ish colours and argyle. Knee socks would soon follow.

 

And worse than knee socks, there were darks with even darker trim, unnecessarily conservative necklines, teeny-tiny florals and not much else for this reviewer to work with.

 

Luckily, Rachel did bring it for five minutes in a hot pink cardigan with prettily smocked sleeves. The lemon yellow undershirt may have made her look like a Popsicle, but she tried.

 

Bizarrely enough, it was being egged that made Rachel pull out all the stops. The old world tablecloth floral on her little black dress matched perfectly with her snuggly mustard-coloured cardigan and with her carmine cross-body bag. It was a revelation…

…also, Tina lurked in the background, dressed as a doily.

 

As I said, it was another ordinary day at McKinley High School, which meant funk or no funk, Kurt was wonderful. He managed to channel both Jean Paul Gaultier naval and a Tom Ford debonair vibes, carrying the colour of his cardigan through to both shirt and cravat.

 

And even when on the verge of a hernia, Kurt’s haberdashery was there – a little sloppy, but there. His textured grey hoodie was substandard, but then, he was having a very bad day.

 

When hopping mad, however, Kurt eerily channelled his future boyfriend Blaine in a snazzy red and blue checked shirt, buttoned up all the way, of course, and a form-fitting blue cardigan. He had a sort of rosy glow, either from rage or the addition of those warm tones.

 

So the day may have been ordinary, and the plotline may have been indecipherable, but the clothing got a B grade anyway and, as usual, it was because Kurt was more fashion murderer (i.e. killed it) than fashion victim.