A top hat and the Eye of Sauron as a necklace is definitely not my idea of what one should wear to the principal’s office, but Tina Cohen-Chang appears to have a different view.

 

Hate me if you will, but I much prefer Tina makeup-less and wearing ordinary teenage clothes — in fact, I love it when anyone wears ordinary teenage clothes on this show!

 

Quinn is always good for a dose of teenage reality. You can’t see much of her pie crust perfect outfit in this picture, but what a braid.

 

Rachel pulls off prairie girl this episode: her eyelet blouse goes nicely with the big white dolly buttons on her skirt, and her hair is to die for. I want curls like this and I will pay good money for them.

 

Kurt seems to be dressed as Khan. Star Trek Khan. His military tailoring is always spot on.

 

Our three leading ladies go to spy on Vocal Adrenaline in their stereotypical patterns and shapes: ruffles and pink from Quinn, stripes and short sleeves from Rachel and animal print and bling from Mercedes.

It’s not the most subtle spy attire, but I don’t have anything bad to say about it.

 

Oh, hey Elphaba. Look sharp in that black on black.

 

And that black and grey…

 

And that black with black accessories…

 

Let’s relieve the black with this image of Rachel wearing a tablecloth to hide her Beanie Baby-palooza dress. I do love a cape, but this is a seriously ugly cape.

 

Idina really has a thing for black, doesn’t she – do we think she actually is a witch? I’m sure American Horror Story should be happy to have her.

 

Shelby and Rachel sing an acoustic version of Poker Face before parting ways, since Shelby wants a baby and Rachel is practically busting out of this vintage-style red dress. The little collar on the bodice is divine, but seriously, her ta-tas need more room to breathe.

 

In family drama elsewhere, Finn’s moving in with Kurt, and should be grateful about it. I’d be grateful for a stepbrother who can wear grandpa plaid and a button-down and remain dewy of face and form.

 

Steampunk is coming to town! Before Finn can make amends for his homophobic slurs against Kurt’s decor, he has to say said slurs first: Kurt returns fire in a Jeeves-esque half tuxedo that has ladies everywhere swooning no matter their orientation.

Add to that a pair of pinstriped trousers and the joy of a pocket watch, plus the excess of buttons on that dapper waistcoat, and you have an article of clothing that more that makes up for Tina in her entirety.

 

Thank you Kurt, patron saint of singing teens everywhere.