In this week’s installment, we have to give medium-sized ups to the Reign costume dept for managing to both cover everyone’s shoulders AND avoid any major WTF fashion moments. But real talk: we come to this show for the WTF fashion moments — the Anthropologie beaded belts, the budget prom dresses, the mysterious cut-out shoulders. This show had better not be suddenly devoting itself to quasi-historically-appropriate outfits because then WHAT’S THE POINT? That said, the plot this week brought more than enough WTF for our weekly rundown.

 

WTF #5: NOM. In broad daylight, no less.

Have to say that Bash’s moves are waaay smoother than Francis’. He’s totes the Damon/Chuck to Francis’ Stefan/Nate which means 100% of the Internet will soon be worshipping this pairing. Get it, gurl. Also: love these earrings. Oh, and the WTF is obvz that back in the day, wealthy ladies (and especially Queens) weren’t allowed to be alone with dudes like, ever. So this PDA = WTF.

 

WTF #4: Very Subtle Symbolism

In true CW style, it’s looking like we’ll always get a Soiree of the Week. But this week’s was more Mary Poppins than Gossip Girl, as Mary and Francis symbolically launch wee little paper boats.

They launch together, but…

 

#SYMBOLISM

All that’s missing is a little, slightly more attractive boat representing Bash sneaking up on Mary’s ship to make this moment complete.

 

WTF #3: SECRET DRUIDS

I don’t… what? His necklace scarred his chest? He’s secretly working in the kitchen? He killed Olivia’s lady-in-waiting? Bash speaks secret Druid languages? Dead bodies hanging from trees? Does this have something to do with Clarissa’s deal or is the show’s nod to a Game of Thrones-type secret zombie thing? Druids did used to practice in Gaul (the land that became France) but def weren’t a major threat to the throne in the 16th century. But perhaps, like the Evil Portuguese dude from last week, “history will forget” about this whole sitch.

 

WTF #2: Kenna’s job change

Kenna’s jump from lady-in-waiting to prospective royal mistress was actually a pretty common job change during this time period. That said, it tended to be ladies-in-waiting to the Queen would catch the eye of the King, not so much ladies-in-waiting to sons’ fiancees caught the eye of said fiance’s lecherous old Dad.

So while somewhat historically accurate, our main WTF with this issue is that Kenna, with her Nicole Ritchie style and collection of headpieces, could do so much better for herself. Unlike Greer, she’s not desperate to gain wealth and power to help her family, she seems to be into the grody old King because of luuurve. Which is just… ugh.

 

WTF #1: Olivia van der Woodsen

In a classic CW move, they’ve brought another angle to the Bash-Mary-Francis love triangle. I mean, what was Dan/Serena without Vanessa/Hilary Duff/Georgina; what was Elena/Stefan without Damon/who’s her thing… OH, RIGHT. These extra characters are always 100% unwelcome and annoying.

That said, girl’s got a great boho vibe going on with her golden girl looks and unbrushed hair and just wanting to be in wuv and… Serena? Is that you? Or just an 16th century ancestor with an uncanny resemblance?