Every week, I’m getting more and more anxious thanks to Emily’s scheming. There are plans, secret plans, double plans, plans to plan plans – I’m actually having stress dreams about how she’ll pull everything off. And then I’m like, “When is this damn wedding goin’ down!?” As we inch ever closer to the Double Infinity wedding date, Jack and Nolan have finally come clean and admitting to being in the inner circle. I’ll grant them a little surprise, but the way Jack overreacted, I mean, gurl how long have you been doing this? Queen V and Conrad get into a little flame war over the sale of Grayson Manor but, lucky for Victoria, Emily needs that on the chessboard so there’s an elaborate staging of beach erosion to stall the sale. Classic Emily! Daniel runs into an old flame who just happens to be the “little problem” from his past; *cough* DUI and life-changing accident *cough*. Of course, y’all know she’s gonna play a role now that Charlotte’s fixin’ to ruin Emily and Daniel’s relationship. All of this and Montauk is still living in the summertime. Where does the time go!??


Victoria’s Poorly Kept Secrets

I love when this woman wears green. It’s a fantastic colour on her and Victoria always picks the best shade. Remember the green trench when she hit up the nunnery? AMAZING. The casual sheer neckline is a comfortable change for Victoria and that overlaid lace style is hot right now. Let’s just agree the woman knows how to dress for breakfast.


After yet another threatening convo with Conrad — and learning that Grayson Manor is being sold — Victoria tells Patrick that she’s planning to bail on the family and stand on her own two feet. Aidan starts to feel the pressure from Emily because you have ONE JOB Aidan: keep the Graysons in that damn manor. Just when you think Victoria’s out of the game…

Yup. That’s a roomful of gold bars. Presumably Conrad’s been keeping them hidden so Victoria can’t get her talons on them, but if Aidan has the keys you can bet your ass they’re Emily’s. But as I’ve always said, if you’re going to find a hidden family fortune, you better do it in a sickening pencil skirt. Put down your glasses and clap for this outfit because it looks like Victoria is finally transitioning from body-conderland into chic country. 


Now, if Emily were in Victoria’s shoes, she’d hold onto that info for just the right occasion. But Victoria? Nah, it’s better to barge into Conrad’s office and rub it in his face because he never seeks vengeance, right? Oh, but you do have that son that he hates.

Yeah, that’s the hot one that no one likes except for Nolan who’s always been the smartest. 


What happens next was basically ripped from every Disney movie that made me cry as a kid. Victoria tries to send Patrick away, but he resists because he loves her or something. Then, at the top of the emotional roller coaster, Victoria pushes him away and screams, “Go! Obey your mother!” Heartbreaking stuff when it’s a fox and a hound, or a golden retriever, but less so when it’s a grown-ass man. Do we count this on the banishment register?


Appreciated Shirtlessness (Or Close Enough)

Emily pops over to Nolan’s for an early morning gab sesh and finds a messy kitchen, a disheveled bedroom and a seemingly unconscious Nolan in the tub. But wait — he’s just exhausted from the sexy marathon he and Patrick just ran all. night. long. I love seeing Nolan get some action that doesn’t involve being arrested. Or Padma. 


Aidan, aside from being fully clothed, we need to chat about this look. A light-blue pinstripe shirt with a black vest? What is this? Photo day for the senior class? You’re better than that, you swarthy Brit.


Perfect. Don’t ever change. Unless that top is coming of, then change as fast as you can.


The Grayson Kids Have A Compelling Storyline!

Seriously, when was Daniel ever this interesting? He wants to leave Emily, but she keeps manipulating them back together. He has a new magazine with a boss that flashed him the business before contracts were even signed. Oh, and he just ran into a former love that he almost killed in a drunk driving accident. Tell me more, you handsome train wreck.


Let me introduce the Cake Lady, or Sarah. Whatever. After being on screen long enough to provide some exposition into their past, I’m thinking that Sarah’s going to be on a few episodes, right? 


What’s that Daniel and Charlotte are peeking at through the kitchen window? Oh yes, Charlotte hired Sarah! Of course, this happened after she got her fired from the bakery. So… yay? Now that Charlotte’s playing human chess against Emily, I’m glad to see she’s dressing the part. Honestly, that studded cardigan and necklace with the simple black underneath is drop dead.




Conrad’s… Well… He’s Still Kicking

Now that he’s been “cured” of Huntington’s Disease, Conrad’s full of vim, vigor and venom for Victoria. Seems like a natural choice to then pick the most obvious estate agent in New York. She plays with his hair, shoots him flirty looks, says she hasn’t even seen the bedroom. We get it, hun — you’re hot for Conrad. Ew. Although the floral dress with matching belt isn’t a terrible combination. There’s good in you, I can see it! 


Here we have our sexy estate agent photographing the house in a pretty lovely purple and gold look. I’m down for anything flowy on a beach, but did she have to hire a guy who has clearly played assassins in bad action movies? 


Everything’s Cool At The Bro-K Corral

Nolan and Jack are both steamed at Emily, and who could blame them? They both care for her but she’s playing them like chumps. Finally, over shots of whiskey, Nolan and Jack reveal they know the truth of everything that’s happening. Is it surprising? Sure, but what’s more surprising is that Nolan isn’t even close to a collared shirt these days. Casual sweaters with bold blazers? No pocket square? Trimmed hair? WHO ARE YOU. 


Patrick sees a different side of Nolan, however. The mostly naked and flirtatious side. You crazy kids, keep living the dream of a secret, tempestuous love affair in Montauk! I will say, I preferred Nolan’s silk robes to this snuggie, but hey — you gotta live your life. 


SERIOUSLY, WHAT’S WITH THE CASUAL THREADS? So, you’re sharing secrets and clothes with Jack?


Don’t Mess With Texas. Or Emily Thorne. Mostly Emily.

Seeing Emily in a colour palette other than black/white or navy/khaki is just as refreshing as seeing Victoria in green and moveable fabrics. I’m in love with this dress and the fact that Emily doesn’t have any jewelry paired with it. With hair that’s been spun by Apollo himself, Emily can turn up the look of this lovely (albeit simple) lavender Armani Collezioni dress into an Anytime Of The Day Because I’m Gorgeous Look. More colour and shapes, less monochrome and karate!


Although, girlfriend does know her way around the monochrome look. The black trousers with leather details for example — I gasped. They’re sleek, simple, sexy… she doesn’t even have to try wearing these trousers. The smile could use some work though. Every time that comes out, you know shit’s about to go down. 


That excavation equipment? That photo of Aidan, nearly shirtless, with a sledgehammer? The estate agent? Yeah, Emily is faking a foundation issue and full scale beach erosion to stop the sale of Grayson Manor. You might wonder how even she could pull off a geological nuisance like beach erosion. Well…

Meet LibrEmily. She doesn’t just look fierce in those glasses and tight bun, she looks into your soul wearing said glasses and tight bun. Girlfriend will replace all your records and look good doing it, and you’ll be like, “Right this way” without ever looking her in the eye.


Who knew librarian chic could be this deadly? Here’s hoping Em brings her vendetta-fueled realness to some more professions in the weeks to come. I’m thinking evil doctor, evil lawyer, evil land surveyor… the possibilities are literally endless.