No time for red Sharpies this week as Emily scrambles to save her relationships with her trio of boyfriends. Too bad Aiden tries to scare Jack out of town, thus managing to get in his own way when it comes to Emily. Victoria is using each member of her family as chess pieces in an elaborate plot to get Emily out of their lives and Conrad almost seems as if he’s trying to be a good father (shock and awe!). Meanwhile, Margaux and her fabulousness are back in town and we have lots of gratuitous male shirtlessness as well. Let the Revenge (!!!) games begin!

 

I’m with YKYLF staffer Ann w/r/t this week’s best-dressed. Nobody comes close to werking it harder than Margaux in this yellow lace number. Nobody. Not even shirtless Jack holding a baby. 

Shirtless. Jack. Holding. A. Baby. It takes a master to outshine that kind of Mommy Porn, but Margaux’s effortless Parisian chic is up to the job. It’s no wonder Jack cannot refuse Margaux’s invitation to the Voulez launch party.

 

 

Meanwhile, Aiden is both alerting Conrad to Jack’s (alleged) guilt as the #HamptonsKiller AND taking drink orders. Martini, anyone?

You think they called each other beforehand so they could dress like twinsies? Or has Aiden run out of vests and has started borrowing some from Connie?

 

Queen V struts into her arranged encounter between Patrick and Daniel in yet another selection from her bottomless pit of black bandage dresses. This one’s by Michael Kors.

And are those… sensible shoes? Is that even possible? And here I was assuming Queen V’s feet were in permanent 4″ heel shape, a la Barbie. Her scheming is also not quite up to the usual standard, as even Daniel figures out that it’s no coincidence that Patrick and Emily are both in attendance of this poolside confab.

 

I’m not sure about Emily in peach. Is it just me?

The cut is its usual well-tailored perfection, but otherwise, I’m not feeling this. Try again, Ems.

 

The girls take off for whatever The Hamps version of Kleinfeld Bridal is, where Charlotte and Victoria manage to locate the least apropriate bridal party wear ever.

I actually like Char’s BCBG dress for some other big event, like a cocktail party or (knowing this show) family dinner. Victoria’s werking some Disney villainess realness in this fishtail gown, though she seems thisclose to a wardrobe malfunction. I will admit the burgundy is fab against her porecelain skin.

 

While the ladies are at play, Nolan’s on a quest to further woo Patrick over at Queen V’s gallery. And how better to seduce your new crush than with a pink herringbone blazer and cuffed khakis?

And yet Patrick is somehow able to refuse this perfect Montauk summer look. How is that even possible? Oh, right, the whole “paying his ex-wife a few thou to spill the dirt” situation. That said, after the Tyler and Padma disasters, I can’t blame Nolan for being cautious  — esp. as YKYLF staffer Terry noted last week, Patrick is obviously suuuuper sketchballs. 

 

Nolan and Emily reconvene later on in matchy-matchy in shades of green.

This petrol colored blazer is is yet another addition to Nolan’s outstanding season 3 lookbook. And I’m loving Emily’s casual Revenge(!!!)-wear as well. This floaty top and skinny khakis are so summer in the Hamptons, dah-ling.

 

As Nolan and Emily strive to get things back on track, Victoria’s busy with her own scheming. Who needs a plotting balcony when you can pace poolside next to your faux-ally, shirtless Aiden?

Another day, another painted-on dress, though the raspberry color is refreshing and the skinny gold belt is a nice touch. V gets snaps for the combo and smokin’ company.

 

Annnd… it’s party time! Ems is looking fierce in a sweetheart necklined jumpsuit and ballerina bun. 

Her gold accesories are fab, also. Everybody in gold! Even Vicky’s in on the act!

 

Yup, this is yet another totes age-inapprops dress for the Grayson grand dame, this time with a thigh slit to boot.

Also inappropriate? This sociopath giving advice of any kind to anyone. Ever. But she manages some sound advice when she tells Margaux to stop taking any more crap from her mysterious Dad. Also? Margaux is killing it in this green sequined halter dress by Parker. When you’ve got shoulder that this, show ’em off, mon cherie!

 

Connie stepped it up for the partay as well. No, seriously, he actually wore something interesting for once.

Stripes! Spots! A non-gray suit! I’m dying over that ruby red tie. Clearly fake Huntington’s and lethal car accidents is working for him. 

 

Even Charlotte gets in on the game in a hot little purple number.

Sorry for the blurriness, but do you think she borrowed this dress from mommy dearest? Possibly. But it’s more appropriate on Charlie than it ever would be on Mama G.

 

It’s a post-party Revenge(!!!) hangover for Emily, as she still can’t reel Daniel back in and has to rely on Aiden to tie up those loose ends that he unravelled with Jack.

She get’s some sage advice from Nolan in his lovely diamond pattered button-down/scarf combo. Do we agree that he has at least one full drawer of designer scarves in that new pad of his? Do you think Emily bought them and had them waiting for him on move-in day? I like to think so.

 

And while Ems is snooping around The Stowaway for some some “family history” to share with Daniel, she happens upon a sweet moment between Jack and Margaux.

Style-star Margs is GORGEOUS in this strapless denim number. She’s also apparently borrowed Joan’s old pen necklace, too! We were hoping it would go to a good home. BTW: Don’t be surprised if all of our staff’s profile pics change to copy Margaux’s flaw free shaggy pixie. I. Want. Her. Hair. We all do.

 

And like happens every week 10 minutes before the end of an episode, Victoria’s is back on her plotting balcony. This time she’s on the receiving end of some scheming as Aiden reveals that Patrick was the one to sabotage Conrad’s car, not Jack.

Oh my God, this may be V’s worst dress to date. The neckline is completely unflattering to start, but I think the worst thing about it is that it completely flattens out the girls. Throw this one to the back of your closet or donate it to homeless orphans or whatever you do with bandage dresses you’ve worn once, but please never wear this one again.

 

Is it possible that his darling daughter, Charlotte was responsible for the near death of Grandpa Greyson?

Toss that throw over your lap so you don’t catch a chill, old man.

 

Confessed near-patricidal murdered Charlotte is looking faux-remorseful in a gorge ostrich leather jacket.

She clearly got a lot of shopping done on that soul-searching, life-changing European vacay. That time away clearly did her a lot of good.

 

… Except now she’s teamed up with Victoria to protect Patrick and Jack from the wrath of Con.

Over the shoulder hug number one…

 

Which transitions into OTSH number two, when Emily makes amends with Daniel over the sudden sharing of some liberated Fauxmanda family pictures that Ems can play off as her own. Didn’t he notice the little girl in those pics is not the same as the one in the flashbacks??

In any case, looks like our Revengenda is back on track for the time being.

 

We can only hope that Margaux doesn’t get sucked into the plot. We can’t lose another European fashion goddess to the Graysons. I don’t think I could take it.