Part 1 of 2: Not Neil Patrick Harris

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: once upon a time, Neil Patrick Harris guest starred on Glee, as did Idina Menzel who, as Shelby, makes Jesse make Rachel try to reconnect with her birth mother, Shelby, who once seduced Will, who locks horns with NPH as glee club alum Bryan Ryan over the role of Jean Valjean, which is won and then ceded by Will. Got that? Meanwhile, the teens who this show is supposed to be about are distracted by Artie being discouraged about being in a wheelchair, but he’s cheered by up Tina and a Safety Dance dream sequence, after which Dream a Little Dream of Me is sung by Artie. Confused yet? (Don’t worry, just focus on Neil Patrick Harris.)

 

“Say what?”

I said, “your outfit is both unsuprising and unappealing, Mercedes”. I could get behind plaid versus purple checks, especially with a studded vest in the mix, but a strong purple and gold pallette makes that blue hat a step too far – a stride too far, in fact.

 

Judgemental as can be, though thankfully not about Mercedes, are Rachel – jazzing up a drab ensemble with a bubblegum pink purse is a stroke of genius on her part – and Jay Gatsby – your nonchalant bowtie has made my day, Kurt, but your cropped trousers have not.

Quinn looks like a besmocked feminist painter, only with an Alice band. Elegant as heck.

 

Quinn continues to be matchy but not so Bohemian with wide and narrow stripes in shades of dark and light mulberry, which coordinates oddly (and perfectly) with Mercedes’ trousers and scary shoe choice (again with the purple?). Rachel’s patterns clash, but not in a good way. Pale pink on blush pink is very poor Carrie Bradshaw, no?

Aaaaand Tina’s wearing that hat again. We’ll get to her later.

 

Rachel and Quinn surprisingly fade into the background  in this picture, though muted red compliments compliments Lea Michele’s warm colouring and indigo Dianna Agron’s cool tones. Mercedes… ugh. Too busy. Always, always too busy.

 

Tina actually has a starring role this episode, trying to keep Artie’s spirits up while not hiding her light under a bushel. She attempts both in what is either a strapless dress over a t-shirt, or something which looks like it. Either is unacceptable, as is her matching plaid bag.

 

She tries to facilitate Artie’s dream of dancing by wearing a stretched out midi version of a ra-ra skirt which should have stayed in the nineties/the Stone Age.

 

Are those sweatpants? With armwarmers? And a huge baggy sweater?

No, no no no! Please don’t stick to the stuff you know!

 

I’d like to reiterate my earlier statement about Kurt: cropped trousers are not acceptable… and nor is Avril Lavigne inspired tartan, and nor are excessive zips, studs, suspenders OR cobweb motifs. In short, none of the below is acceptable.

 

So studded gloves over fishnet armwarmers are a thing, according to Tina Cohen-Chang. She’s wearing what appears to be a nurse’s uniform in black. I have no more comments to give.

 

The show ends with Dream a Little Dream of Me, where Artie is magnanimous enough to let Tina dance with Mike (FORESHADOWING) while everyone else wears short-sleeved blue shirts and croons sadly.

 

It’s been a poor episode sartorially, plot-wise and Goth-wise. What’s a recapper to do? Oh, wait for part 2 and Neil Patrick Harris!