What Jess (and the gang) Wore

So this week’s installment of What Jess Wore has a broader scope than usual because NO ONE LEFT THE APARTMENT. And even while in there, the only clothes we got to see were pjs, bathrobes, more pjs, and plaid shirts. BUT! The episode was really, really funny, so maybe it all balanced out. Why were they all in the apartment for the full half hour? Well, Winston’s still weirdly attached to his new cat, lonely Schmidt is trying to destroy Nick & Jess’s relationship, while the lovebirds themselves develop sex PTSD after attempting “The Captain”… and realize they really do care for each other. What do you want to bet this isn’t the only time this season these two will be doubting their relationship?


We kick this week with… no clothes! Nick and Jess do still look adorbs, though, with Jess’ beautifully messy mane and Nick’s “softness” (tm Schmidt).

Although, this apartment has a bit of eau-de-college-dorm with these PLAID SHEETS. As if Nick didn’t already wear enough plaid.


PLAID PLAID EVERYWHERE. Dan Humphrey reincarnated, everyone! 

On the plus side, his hair looks a lot better than Humphrey’s here. 


And now Schmidt’s in plaid too! Guys, it’s an epidemic. The shoes and cuffed jeans really make his outfit, and at least he stays out of pjs for the entirety of the episode, unlike our friend Nick.


On the other hand, I have no complaints about Jess’s outfit. She gave her usual J. Crew PJ sets a pass in favor of this sweet blue bathrobe. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to sit back and appreciate.

You gotta love how she wears this robe while doing her best to turn him on the Jessica Day way — reading him stories. If only he had a Kindergarten teacher fetish, maybe he wouldn’t have had this problem to begin with.


Adding more crazy to this already fabulously horrible roommate dynamic, we have crazy cat lady Winston.

I’m not sure if I should be impressed or appalled that his cat matches his blanket.


Jess put on actual clothes for a casual snack with her BF. (Note: eating fruit and drinking wine and beer is a totally acceptable way to spend an afternoon. No, really.) LOVING the cute sleeves on this white blouse, which somehow manages to be both fun and boring at the same time. 

Also, I don’t know how I managed to capture her face like that but I’m really proud that Jess isn’t perfect all the time. It’s a real booster to my confidence.


I’m going to skip on Winston’s bizarre cat-pimp plotline and focus on his faculous shirt color: PINK!

Good to know that, even in times of emotional instability, Winston can still manage to turn it out, menswear-style.


Winston’s cat date is super pretty and well dressed, but Winston’s only got eyes on her lady cat’s lady parts.


While I only have eyes for the decor of his bedroom/cat-brothel.

He actually managed to recreate a cat-size version of Samantha Jones’ boudoir, which is kinda appropriate in ths circumstances. 


Winston’s human date is rightfully skeeved out by this turn of events and leaves, taking her really great lace top with her. 

It’s a shame: she looked great and knew how to accessorise.


Despite spending most of the episode in a bathrobe, Jess manages to pull out one classic New Girl outfit with this stripey blouse. 

Now that the honeymoon’s over for her and Nick (leaving them in a new, mature grown-up relationship), here’s hoping we’ll be back to the usual array of retro dresses, polka dots and funky patterns that nobody can wear like our Jess.

As long as we can all agree to never mention The Captain ever again, I think we’ll all be good.