You know what’s truly a sin? How much I unapologetically adore this show. It feels as though *years* have passed since I’ve watched our friends in Montauk cock their head to one side and insult each other through their teeth. With the Grayson’s fortune still out of reach and Conrad seemingly on a slow trot to the glue factory, Daniel decides to put on some big boy pants and land a job. However, it’s with Margaux’s mag and she’s pretty keen on getting in said big boy pants. Before we can even think of how this will ruin Emily’s summer Revenge(!!!) deadline, she’s in her Revenge(!!!) hoodie beating down priests and ruining lives. As for Charlotte, she’s hitting more highs and lows than a character from “Valley of the Dolls”, but thankfully her new bangs go with every emotion. All of this tension culminates at Victoria’s “Here’s My Mystery Son, Pass The Pinot” dinner party where Emily induces another “attack” in Conrad reminding everyone their lives are pretty much falling apart. But hey, at least Nolan got in some baking and a steamy one-night love affair!

 

Queen V’s & Wannabes 

What better way to start an episode than with a sweeping shot of Victoria on the Grayson yacht looking absolutely stunning while sunning in a cobalt blue one-piece? I’m pretty jazzed to see where she and Aidan take their lil’ partnership. Clearly, they’re starting in well-tailored garment territory. Does this mean Victoria is Aidan’s Nolan? Because that’s a cat-fight I’m dying to witness. 

 

Of course you met a priest in head-to-toe red! Of course you did! Queen V is about as subtle as an SNL sketch. It’s been 3 years of body-con for this gal, but it never seems to fail. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the blood red lip. Much like YKYLF staffer Ann mentioned in last week’s recap with Charlotte, it’s totally face draining. Like, Victoria auditioned for “Death Becomes Her” and they were like, “We love it, but we’re looking at some other options”.

 

How many times have we featured an emerald dress with gold accessories on YKYLF? The answer is pretty much every time we find one because it’s a flaw free combination. Green is one hell of a colour to pull off, but Victoria is selling that garment, gurl. The addition of her long lost (hot as all hell) son is a great accessory choice. THE MAN GOES WITH EVERYTHING. I have a feeling he’d look to die for on my sofa but only time will tell (i.e. never). 

 

Pulling Face & Throwin’ Shapes

High camp is an art form and Revenge(!!!) certainly knows how to serve it down for y’all. I nearly spilled some TV wine doing this recap. I mean, let’s look at Charlotte: “You’re so *American*, Emily. Only my Belgian friends understand my new fringe! That means bangs here!”; or how about our new friend, The Priest: “Honestly, I thought the ceremonial wine was non-alcoholic. I don’t know where that 1Direction album came from.”

This week, Jack was slightly less surly than last, though I’d still give him a “BRRRR” on the cold shoulder scale. At least we still get his, “I hate you so much but I’d totally make out under the docks” smouldery look. However, nothing tops Daniel Grayson’s, “Thinking gets… me… job?” face. Bless.

 

Jetsetting & Major Fretting

Alright, the photo above doesn’t do Charlotte any favours this week. Her wardrobe, however, is on the damn point. Sure, the pattern (yikes) on this sleeveless Elizabeth and James blouse (double yikes) isn’t exactly inviting to the eye, but the studded/bejewelled collar is giving me everything. Leaving the US did wonders for this lady!

 

As for her dinner wear, let us pay the proper respect this dress deserves. The fit is impeccable, the colours are chic and simple, and the casual pony oddly adds a sophisticated layer to what could have been “Little Girl Dresses As Mommy” kind of look. I love the way she uses the belt to define the colour and pattern separation, as well as how it shapes the dress. I guess the days of floral sundresses are long gone, eh Char!?

 

Stress Baking & Risk Taking

When I first saw Nolan baking muffins I thought, “Oh, I bet they have hidden cameras in them!” Then he talked about being in prison and I was like, “Oh yeah, he probably had to bake muffins instead of printing license plates”, because my idea of prison still aligns with what I saw on Looney Tunes. But then I saw his cute striped apron and singular popped collar and thought, “How the hell did you survive prison?” 

Nolan, I have to ask: was your muffin buttered in prison? Mean Girls reference – count it!

 

OH LORD GAME OVER. Nolan may have found a new skill in the kitchen, but he’ll always be a pro when it comes to the wardrobe. If this is the level of fierce he’s serving in episode 2, I can’t even begin to think where he’s headed. A teal blazer with burnt orange (perhaps a deep coral?) trouser? Oh, and the high cuffs with leather loafers? I would have spilled more TV wine if I didn’t have a natural talent for drinking and praising the shit out of someone simultaneously. 

 

One Night Stands & Helping Hands

Speaking of natural talents, it looks like Nolan is back to bagging beefcake for now – and I’m down. Windmill snaps for you, Mr. Ross – that square jawed Baldwin is totally a step up from Crazy Tyler and Dead Padma! While the nameless trick is lovely to look at, I’m totally wrapped up in Nolan’s silk dressing gown and bikini panties. Let’s just repeat those last two words: BIKINI. PANTIES. You better werk, child.

 

Silent Prayers & Withering Stares

Our other Revenging Roomie spared no efforts when it came to the fashions this week, either. Check out Emily’s piped ivory jacket before she goes Lady Fight Club on the Padre. I love that she paired this jacket with a similarly coloured bag, and yet made it a stand out piece choosing a shiny vinyl. Spot on, sister – that’s how you dress down without leaving Uptown. As usual, the Rapunzel curls are out in full force along with a withering stare. Can someone get her a shoulder to lean over?

 

For someone who probably hasn’t touched a kitchen utensil in years, Emily certainly knows how to stir a pot. Aside from riling up Charlotte and Conrad, Emily pays Queen V one her trademark passive aggressive visits. But this time she brought muffins! Look at that smile! If you’re going to drop off a basket of Revenge(!!!) muffins, you might as well do it looking peppy and polished. I’m a big fan of this Kate Spade top and brown trousers. It’s like she’s all, “Autumn is basically here so I’ma own that shit”. 

 

Yes or No: this is the most intense advert for Max Mara you’ve ever seen. Discuss. Honestly, everyone looks so bloody dapper and fashionable in this photo, but the body language is horrifying. Deserved shout outs to Emily’s white manicure and aqua body-con. Victoria looked like she had cornered the market on green hues this week but, of course, the girl next door grabbed those tens and death dropped all over that WASP’s moment in the sun. Snaps for Mz. Thorne.

 

A Parisian in America & High Society Replica

You may not remember Karine Vanasse, but she’s no stranger to YKYLF. “How’s that”, you ask? Well, this feisty Francophone was Colette on the late, lamented Pan Am! Being that I was the only staffer (at the time) to actually enjoy that show, I’m super thrilled Karine is back as Margaux, the sultry French publisher with an eye for Daniel.

It’s a shame she went with a deeper green than Emily or Victoria. Instead of looking like a Grecian-inspired beauty, she reminds me of a Christmas stocking with bells in this Parker stud front dress. Maybe I’m just sensitive to deep greens, but even with her golden highlights in her sexy bob, I can’t feel it anymore than I feel concern for what’s up with Miley. It happened, let’s move on.

 

Margaux: “I totally want to nail your fiancé.”
Emily: “When are you going to jump my fiancé, already?”

 

This tricolour dress is everything and ew at once. I think I’d like to see some sort of accessory on the dress itself, even if it’s just a simple necklace, however the black bands on the torso add the needed distraction. I can see from Margaux’s early outfits that she’s into structure and an intense colour palette. As long as she stays away from geometric patterns to make a statement like, “I’m artistic but sexy – let’s do everything”, I’ll be a fan. 

 

Revenging Roomies & Post-Takedown Gloomies

In the end, after busting up the priest, almost killing her almost father-in-law, and alienating herself from what few allies she has left, Emily slinks back to Nolan’s den of non-digital entertainment and admits he was right about the priest being a good guy. Let this be a lesson to y’all: red Sharpie is permanent. Oh, and maybe do some research with an open mind before you take down someone who reforms to devote their life to helping disadvantaged children. Just sayin’. 

I’m enjoying Nolan’s take on the Plotting Balcony. It’s almost like a Revenging Terrace, or an Orchard of Revenge (!!!).

 

It’s only the 2nd episode but I’m already feeling the pressure of Emily’s summer deadline! What if she actually got Conrad to confess? Then what happens? Does she have a list of people she needs to Revenge(!!!) on? I bet there’s a girl from junior high who called her hair ugly once that’s going to be on the business end of some life ruining.