Part 1 of 2: Ladies & Tramps

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Rachel throws a tantrum because the other Glee Club members aren’t pulling their weight and it’s costing her her voice (boo freaking hoo), gets laryngitis and learns a life lesson when Finn takes her to see his paralysed friend, Sean. Kurt goes butch and starts dating Brittany to try and get his father’s attention off his surrogate son, Finn. Mercedes and Santana square off over Puck and Rachel attempts “The Climb”, disproving my theory that a sick Rachel = fewer solos. Nuh-uh, dear readers. NUH-UH.

 

I wish Rachel would even attempt sexy schoolgirl – she’s got all the components of a British boarding school fashionista, but bland hair and boring makeup mean her never-ending parade of cute blouses, plaid skirts, white socks and argyle are just that: bland and boring.

 

Rachel thinks the other glee club members’ refusal to sing is the secret behind her sore throat, so enlists Lauren Zises (remember her?) to plant microphones around the auditorium. She does so in this barely acceptable grey and navy combo, plus crazy eyes.

 

Hey, Lauren! Your cherry print cardi and subtly striped undershirt nearly got you on out list of this week’s fashion “Do’s”, but the white skirt? To quote Mercedes: Hell to the no. Unless you’re running through a fountain or look as angelic as Quinn, Hell to the no.

 

Back to Rachel, who’s decided to jazz up her heather purple plaid with a zip up short-sleeved sweater. I was unaware zip up short-sleeved sweaters existed. I wish I still were.

I really hope she’s wearing something under that. Zips versus skin always ends badly.

 

The inevitable happens, as we have to feel sorry for Rachel at least twice daily: she gets laryingitis. I included this pic because our leading lady is getting on my nerves and deserves every awkward hospital gown screencap out there.

 

From awkward invalid to straggly squaw. Rachel looks horrendous, but I’m more interested in her bunny bowl, which appears to contain a tea bag in picture #1 and cereal in picture #2.

Seriously, where can I get one of those?

 

As usual, Tina’s not clanging my gong with her choices. Her hair looks lovely in soft waves, but she’s wearing flatforms. God help us, flatforms.

Those are Satan’s own shoes and I will not waste another word on them.

 

Here, I’m just a little confused. The sage green beanie is sort of adorable, but Tina’s gone for a junior prom frosted eyes and lips makeup style, and it doesn’t match the rest of her. Like, at all.

 

Let’s return to someone I never mind feeling sympathy for: Kurt. Here’s a reminder of what he looks like in his Cheerios uniform…

 

…and here’s what happens when his dad prefers Finn to him – he turns into an Appalachian-dwelling serial killer! 

This outfit is comprised of things I hate, like a corduroy hat (!), plaid shirt, gilet, complete and utter denial of who you are on the inside… 

 

Did he borrow this hat from Rachel? I only ask because it has a horse on it, and it’s the only eye-catching thing in the picture. The rest just makes the poor boy look poochy.

 

Sweet mother, dungarees.

Or as you may know them in North America, overalls: the uniform of truckers, hillbillies and nineties heroines.

 

I would be on the verge of tears if I were wearing that too, Kurt, don’t you worry. The red hoodie is a nice touch, and that’s the best I can say about it.

Thank God you get your sass on in Part 2.