What Jess (And The Rest Of The Gang) Wore

So, Jess didn’t wear much this week, as happens when you hit the road with no luggage and one bridesmaid sari. Luckily the rest of the gang is there to pick up the fashion slack. Anyways, our nueva chica is up to new tricks in the season 3 opener when Jess hightails it south of the border with an unconscious and passport-less Nick in tow. Because nothing says “I’m all in!” like the beach, margaritas, and trespassing. Wouldn’t it just have been easier to make it Facebook official? Well, not making things Facebook offish is Schmidt, who can’t seem to make any kind of decision except bad ones. Like telling both Cece and Elizabeth that he picked her over other, when all he actually did was pick Winston for his new bestie. I thought they were already kind of besties. Sad face. But, anyway, Winston meant to decline the offer – because who wants to hitch their wagon to that crazy train? – but was way too into his puzzle. Meh, happens.  

 

So, season 3 picked up right where season 2 left off more or less to give us a good “before and after” shot of Jess’s aqua and pink sari. For a good “before” shot, do a little scrolly-scroll to the last post for a little re-cap of her sparkly ensemble. Now, while saris are comfortable enough in the tropical climes of India, they’re apparently more stifling along the Mexican seashore. Channeling Mary Ann’s penchant for the crop top, Jess restyles her sari a la Gilligan’s Island.  

 

She looks trim and beachy (if not kind of dirty) in her improvised crop top but my favorite touch has to be the sequined belt she fashioned. The side braid adds some edginess to the girliness of her runaway frock and there’s also a star dangling somewhere thereabouts – a nice touch of whimsy to remind them that they’re in fantasy land.

I was holding out hope that the other ladies would have picked up the slack and found some inspiration behind their closet doors, but unfortunately, it was not to be. All right, I’ll cut Cece a break since she was just dumped at the altar, but if you have the time to attend to your glorious, glossy mane and immaculate fringe, you can probably do better than a nondescript tank top. Though, I guess it’s kind of fitting that she’d be in some form of mourning black.  And I do appreciate the bangles -there’s always time to accessorize. #priorities

 

 

Apparently, Cece found an awesome tank top sale because she sailed through through the door in yet another, this time a Trouvé colorblock tank. I’m all for for comfort when it comes to clothes, but unless she was coming from an all-you-can-eat brunch buffet she has no business hiding her slammin’ bod under that parachute. I wish I could say the purse added some needed oomf, but the boring, dated shape prevents me from doing so. Sorry I’m not sorry.

 

You know who could benefit from that purse? Elizabeth. For the love of God, jazz it up once in awhile. This colorless, shapeless, cuteless situation going on here is not working out. Is she getting out of bed or getting into it? Or, okay, whatever, maybe she was just putzing about at home but, seriously, would it have killed her to, oh I don’t know, brush her hair? All’s I know is that if my sort-of-boo knocked on the door, I’d at least try to do something with my hair. Or apologize for it.  

 

I remember when guys started cuffing their jeans a while back and I wasn’t sure whether or not I liked it. Then, my boyfriend started doing it so I had to start liking it. Whether or not I like it or am just used to it is besides the point, but I can tell you that the entire look would benefit from a pair of brown lace-ups instead of those unremarkable chunky black boot shoe thing-a-ma-bobs. 

 

On the other hand, I’m all about this aqua plaid button-up.  It fits perfectly and he wears bright colors so well. Plus, there’s something about the belt that just nicely polishes off the whole look. But while Schmidt looks like he has his shiz together, you know he doesn’t. How can’t he know that Cece and Elizabeth are going to find out what he did? Because they totally will. Women always find out. Always.  

A-L-W-A-Y-S.

 

But when this entire affair blows up in his face, at least he’ll have his new bestie, Winston, by his side to help him pick up the pieces (sorry, that was just waiting to happen).  They can probably help each other out since Winston has apparently started to unravel the minute he set his sights on a Japanese garden puzzle. 

But say what you will about his puzzle mania, I am thoroughly enjoying his interpretation of harem pants. Looks like the new season’s off to a great start!