Part 2 of 2: U Shouldn’t Touch This

Oh, Mercedes. Checks do not an outfit make, and nor does loading up with twenty accessories in twenty shades of pink.

It’s all too busy… and pink.


This outfit is also too busy… and red. Houndstooth, leopard print, braid, tiger stripes, gold jewellery, an odd aqua-coloured noose…


And you’re right to look worried in this ensemble, Mercedes. Even Chuck Bass didn’t wear that much purple with that many prints. Having a scarf and a watch for every occasion isn’t necessarily a good thing.


The problem with Mercedes is too much of a certain ‘gangsta’ style, no mixing it up. Rachel has the same problem: a buttoned blouse is one thing and a buttoned skirt is another, but with the Heidi hair as well, she looks like she might Hulk out of all that primness any second.


And this is just worryingly similar to the blouse above. Please ignore it.


Rachel Shanghais Puck, Finn and Jesse into being her three Joeys for an appalling performance of ‘Run, Joey, Run’ and wears this frilly, nothingly pink number which does nothing to make her appear sensible enough to be marrying any of the Joeys.


While I understand the appeal of animal sweaters, I’m just not a fan. I’m especially not a fan of sequinned animal sweaters whose eyes seem to be following me when I move.


Tina gets one free pass for her eyeshadow, which is then revoked because she’s wearing a necklace shaped like a spider. Arachnids are never going to happen.


Bobble hats inside? Never going to happen. Neither are green plaid pants. Her river blue nail polish is more than acceptable, however.


…why is Kurt dressed as an eighties exercise instructor?


Did I mention this happened? Apparently performing MC Hammer, complete with Hammer pants, makes you baaaaad to the bone (I think not).


This also happened. Olivia New-Jersey and Sue got physical with men in unitards. It was somewhere between incredible and incredibly horrific.


Speaking of things you wish had’t happened: Lea Michele. Jonathan Groff. Ballet. Bonnie Tyler.

Imagine Billy Elliot having a night terror, and you’ll understand quite how disturbing the whole thing was.


Most disappointing considering this episode’s title, there was no performance of Joan Jett’s “Bad Reputation”. Don’t tease us like this, Glee!