Part 2 of 2: Go Home

 

You know those cute couples who dress alike? St. Berry are not one them. They’re not even one of those couples who dress well. Rachel’s in white, red, and mustard (the most heinous of all colours), and Jesse’s sweater vest appears to have velour panels (the most heinous of fabrics).

 

As for Tina, the least snappy dresser in the history of ever, someone should tell her it takes more than your hair colour to brighten up an outfit. Actual effort is required.

 

That’s not what I meant! Don’t add another equally scary block colour and hope for the best, especially with regards to that hat, which should be only be worn by a cat burglar.

 

I decided to include Artie in this Gleecap due to some clothing clunkers, such as the sweater below. No, it’s not Halloween themed. Yes, I wish there were another excuse for it.

 

In England, we play cricket. In cricket, you wear V-neck sweaters like this one. ONLY CRICKET PLAYERS AND BEYONCE SHOULD WEAR CLOTHES WITH SUCH DEEP VS.

I almost like the cough-drop candy blend of black, white and red, though.

 

Likewise, I’d welcome some sweeter tones from Tina. The only two hues she seems to be aware of are hot pink and this weird electric blue/purple. I wouldn’t put my hand the air while wearing those bracelets, honey, you’ll have someone’s eye out.

 

Here, however, you can see that Tina’s grave shroud only has one shoulder! Woohoo! Yay for mixing it up! Rachel, for one, hasn’t mixed it up in the slightest, and continues to wear plaid skirts and pastels suitable for children five years and younger.

 

What’s worse is that the mustard and red of earlier combine with the plaid of just now to make an outfit which Rachel could only have put on in the dark. Even Artie’s multicoloured argyle is better (and actually kind of chic). Even Tina’s red and black versus yellow and black is better (and not at all chic, but at least she’s trying).

Quinn is basically wearing Rebecca Ferguson’s maternity gown from BBC sex ‘n’ history fest The White Queen. I’m not even kidding.

 

Splits magazine is coming to do a feature on the Cheerios, so the least Sue could do is buy a new tracksuit.

Suits We’ve Seen Before Count: 1.

 

SWSBC: 2. I like this one. Very regal.

 

SWSBC: 3.

 

SWSBC: 4. I call this one ‘the Devil’s Tracksuit’.

 

SWSBC: 5. This one has a strangely outdoorsy feel.

 

Finally, our other crazy blonde, April Rhodes, has received the Goodwill shipment containing all the awful denim pieces Carole Hudson threw away.

 

Slut it up with a low neckline and plenty of gold, and you’ve got Rocky Rhodes. I have big love for the flame-patterned mic, however. It gets an A for awesome.

 

Cutting the snark for a minute, there’s a farewell to Finn on our blog you should check out. Though I mocked Finn’s costumes, Cory Monteith was a prodigiously talented actor and musician, and apparently also the nicest guy you could possibly hope to meet. Rest in peace, gentle giant.

Rock on.