Part 1 of 2: Come Home

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Sue demands Mercedes lose ten pounds and she comandeers the auditorium, so the New Directions find a new home away from home with April Rhodes, now mistress of an eighty-something yet still jonesing to do a little something with Will. It ends happily when the eighty-something dies and April uses her hush money to buy the auditorium and decamp to Broadway. Quinn tells Mercedes she needs to retain R-E-S-P-E-C-T for herself, so Mercedes throws the Cheerios routine to sing Beautiful. Kurt tries to get his dad together with Finn’s mom to get closer to Finn, and then tries to break them up, and then is forced to watch through the window while Finn becomes the son his father never had. Awww…

 

Remember that time Kurt and Mercedes were in the Cheerios? Remember how fierce they looked?

 

Unfortunately, looking fierce has a cost: ten pounds exactly, which even extreme dieting and seeing her friends as food won’t shift off Mercedes. Rachel’s cherry is very Lady Gaga.

 

Our beloved Quinn has been there — and to a funeral, judging by her outfit. I love the sweetheart neckline and ruffled cardigan, but can’t help but think just a splash of colour would lift both sky high.

 

No colour here either, but a pretty sparkly headband and the cute scalloping on this hazy heather grey dress are more demure than dull.

 

We’ve discussed this green flower button before, and shaken our heads over it. Now, let’s note the old worldy pierced detailing on Quinn’s cardigan, the subtle floral underneath and the curls to die for. She’s like the Kate Middleton of McKinley High (pregnant edition).

 

And middle-aged despondency never rocked a stripper trenchcoat like April Rhodes. It has PVC edging. It’s super skanky…

 

…and then you realise it’s covering a hot pink babydoll and that April has a Murakami Louis Vuitton tote and sleeps in full makeup. She’s who I want to be if I fail at life and have to party at roller discos.

 

I’m in two minds about this ensemble. On one hand, it’s a vest, and you know how I feel about vests. On the other hand, that fur seems super soft and is still on-trend in 2013. On a third hand (if you happen to have one), Kristin Chenoweth’s face is amazing.

It’s like the Elastigirl of faces.

 

As with all guest stars, the glee club ushers out April with a song from The Wiz. Putting them all in black was genius (and ironic, as she’s planning an all-white version of the aforementioned musical), so she glows in a white column gown. Very Grecian, very gorgeous.

The blingy statement necklace and upswept hair really finish it off, and finish off Kristin’s run on the show. Buh-bye, Glinda. Goodness knows you’re a bizarre broad.

 

On the subject of broads, Finn’s denim diva mother Carole has had a bit of a makeover. Oooh and ahhh at her bold block black! Gasp at her tasteful gold and pearl jewellery!

 

It’s this, and Carole’s removal of some of Finn’s late father’s things, that prompts Kurt — dressed like a young Jean Paul Gaultier in a polo neck and two piece grey set with edgy brace detail — to hatch a plan involving young love, and not-so-young love…

 

Be not afraid of greatness, readers, nor of brights. Carole kills it in this sunshine yellow jacket, and I’m actually getting envious of her sleek bob. New hair heroine, right here.

 

Attending the same awkward four-way dinner with Burt, Carole and Finn is Kurt, more dapper than ever in an animal-patterned cravat and button-down shirt with contrast collar. Forget Rachel’s sweaters, this is how you wear an animal print.

Navy instead of black is also an inspired choice if you don’t wear darks well.

 

Fortunately for Carole, she does wear darks well, and also understands one of the most basic rules of fashion: you can’t go wrong with a little black dress/shirt/coat.

 

Kurt understands one of the saddest rules of fashion: no matter how snazzy you are in your plaid and textured tie, men will go for the comfortable, easy-to-wear choice of Finn Hudson and talk about sports over how adorable you are every time.

*sad violin*