Over mani/pedis, Charlotte tells the girls that they’re just pretending that they live in a classless society. Well, there certainly was a lot of classless behaviour going on in the City this week, including Carrie (almost) drunkenly sleeping with an old flirtation because she’s mad at Big, Charlotte’s new fling generally being disgusting, and Sam’s new beau’s servant throwing her out of bed and calling her a “dirty cocka-sucking whore” (which, although true, was still uncalled for). Miranda is the only one who tries to be classy by buying Steve a nice suit since he can’t afford his own. However, that backfires, so perhaps the lesson here, kiddies, is that being classy is overrated. Afterall, Charlotte got to make out with a hot celebrity, Carrie’s man said the “L” word (and I don’t mean “lesbian”) and Sam got to eat a bunch of wicked home-cooked Thai food. Clearly, class is for suckers!

 

Carrie’s “Relationship Obsession of the Week” was whether or not to say “I love you” to Big. There are a couple of times she comes very close to doing just that, including this super-adorable breakfast scene where it appears Ms. Bradshaw is wearing one of her man’s shirts:

Yeesh, no wonder they call him Mr. Big — that shirt is enormous! Looks very casual morning chic though, what with her tousled hair and basic gold chains. Speaking of hair, that shiz is straight! And so long she could have wiped the butter off Big’s face with her split ends, why use her fingers?

BTW, no “I love you”.

 

She almost says it again while they’re walking home from the ballet (oh you fancy, huh?) Ahem, forgive me if I’m being ignorant, but is it normal for one to break out the crimping iron for Swan Lake?

This ensemble does not scream “night at the ballet” to me — it’s more along the lines of Hair (pun intended). Had Carrie and I been pregaming at her place, I would have recommended the pink tutu from the opening credits. THEN she would have fit right in. But she never invites me over.

Again, no “I love you”.

 

Another night on the town comes along and judging by this outfit, they’re heading to dinner at Szechaun Gardens:

It’s a cute top though, even though it looks a bit like lingerie. But we all know how Carrie likes to flaunt her undies, so this really isn’t out of character, is it?

 

 

 

For some reason, the thing that finally compells her to come out with the “Big L” is this:

That’s right, folks. It’s a Judith Leiber duck minaudiere. Or is it a swan? I can’t keep my waterfowl Dynasty-style accessories straight. In any case, I think she must have gone into shock after opening it because she chooses that exact moment to tell Big she loves him. And he was all…”yeah, ok, you’re welcome, I’ll meet you in the hallway.” Ah Big, you old charmer!

 

As if that wasn’t cringeworthy enough, later while enjoying a “romantic dinner”, Big brings up Tuscany and implies that he’d like to take Carrie with him sometime, setting the scene for him to return her declaration…aaand instead he simply tells her she can return the duck purse if she doesn’t like it. End quote. Look! Carrie’s so stressed out that her hair went wavy again!

I like this outfit, I just don’t love it (know what I mean, Big?)

 

So. Lots’ to analyze, and know what that means — girl time brunch! And brunch fashion!

Carrie’s floral dress is pretty, but seems a bit too Laura Ashley for her usual taste. Maybe she’s preparing for her future as a Crazy Cat Lady. Since, you know, her boyfriend doesn’t love her and all.

And I guess Miranda just got back from a Caribbean resort? I’m just going by that touristy palm leaf print top and wooden/shell necklace. Sure, I always love green with her red hair, but this top really does resemble the tablecloths at a Hilton in Jamaica, or something.

 

Then we have Sam and Char — did Sam come to brunch in her slip or did she spill oatmeal all over herself? And I see Charlotte decided to throw on last year’s french maid Halloween costume. Although that could also be a nightgown. Honestly, are you all so exhausted in the morning that you can’t be bothered to change out of your PJs? Come on, ladies! You don’t live in a dorm.

Hello, duck purse.

 

The gals redeem themselves later in the episode for Girl Talk 2: Mani/Pedi Appointment.

Carrie and Charlotte are so polished in their dresses and Samantha and Miranda look electric in their brights. I guess their wardrobes need time to fully wake up, just like their brains.

 

Later, on a pizza date with Steve, Miranda goes from tropical rainforest to stormcloud with this monochromatic grey suit and turtleneck:

Blah, blah, blah. The same colour head-to-toe, Miranda? Really? Are you trying to show your “working class” boyfriend that you have street cred by looking like a prison inmate? The funny thing is, an orange jumpsuit would be so much more flattering on her than this.

 

We see just how bad Steve’s money problems are when he and Miranda go back to his apartment and we catch a glimpse of his…wait for it…

GOLD CORDUROY SUIT! OH the horror!! I quote Miss Hobbs: “I do not have enough time to tell you what’s wrong with corduroy”. Seriously traumatized over here. You can’t unsee something like that.

 

Steve tells her he doesn’t want it to start feeling like she’s his mother…so why is she dressed so matronly for her fancy firm event?

Don’t get me wrong, this is very polished and classic, but boring. I guess that’s the dress code for an NYC power law firm? Love that lipstick, tho.

 

Miranda’s matronly this week and Charlotte is a teenager. Observe the bubble-gum pink slip dress:

Cuuuute necklace! Is that a key? You’re giving Other C a run for her money in the funky necklace department.

 

So the teenager dress is enough to snag herself Wiley Ford, Famous Movie Star. They make out in his limo, possibly go somewhere for sexytime, and eventually end up at a club, where “Charlene” (please, Wiley can’t be bothered to remember her real name) channels Posh Spice, aka. 90s Victoria Beckham.

A leather tube dress with floral cut-outs? Oh 90s, you were so silly.

And Charlotte is silly for ever thinking the repulsive Wiley (who makes her fall from girlfriend to groupie status in a mere day) is attractive. He should stick to making out and smoking doobies, not talking.

 

What’s even sillier is I’m voting Sam’s boyfriend’s maid as the best dressed of the episode! Check out Sum’s watercolor dresses and bright hair accessories.

But notice here, Sam, how he’s staring at Sum and not you? There’s trouble afoot.

 

Just look at this…scrunchie? Wrap? Chinese ponytail trap? This is not a woman to be messed with.

 

I take back my earlier comment re: Carrie’s hair being super long. THIS is some major hair. The severity of the ponytail really goes with Sum’s pent-up rage:

Not only can the woman cook and dress, but she’s cunning as hell to boot. Sum’s looking to go from maid to married, and has no doubt been systematically kicking girlfriends out of Mr. Harvey’s pad for years. Sam: 0, Sum: 1,000

 

Considering the “I love you” fiasco, Carrie has quite the attitude by the end of the episode when she attends a snobby Park Avenue party with Big. Apparently, she was in a rush to get dressed because it looks like she just grabbed every linen she could find in her kitchen and tied a shoelace around to keep it together.

I mean, it’s certainly a fun dress and perfectly “Carrie” but it’s a tad schizoid, no? And the kimono-like shape makes me wonder if she borrowed it from Sum.

 

But wait! Something very important happens at this party — we find out where Carrie’s obsession with showing her nerps comes from! Meet Serena, Elegant UES Hostess:

Stay classy, Park Avenue.

Something even more important happens the morning after the party — Big calls Carrie and tells her he loves her!! Ok, so he actually says “I f**king love you” and I can’t tell if that is better or worse, but we know where this goes. Carrie says everything before “I love you” just doesn’t count. I say it’s all downhill from here.