If anything, this SATC has a misleading title — I maintain it was not so much about changing people, but about negotiating with them. We find Carrie negotiating all of Big’s bad habits and ended up knocking him out à la Sugar Ray Leonard, Miranda negotiating all of Steve’s good-for-her habits, and Charlotte negotiating her way around a man whose tent pole resembled a Shar Pei. As for Samantha, she takes a backseat this week with a passing scene where she finds an ex fun-buddy has taken on a new identity as drag queen “Samantha”. Some people can change a man. Some people can change a woman. Samantha can change a man into a woman.

 

Start of the episode, Samantha advises Carrie that you can’t change a man (note: this is before she met her drag queen tribute), but I’m too distracted by the change of seasons between them.

Carrie’s patterned sundress with cinched belt was a hit, although I’m not sure why she’s tying her sweater as if it were a one-shouldered backpack. I love Sam’s elegant cream-colored coat and how it shows off the vibrant teal underneath, but watching them walk side by side, I couldn’t help but think that Carrie was on her way to a summer rooftop party on the UES, while Sam was decked out to see a matinee at the Metropolitan Opera in the fall. They were filmed at the same time and not on green screen, right?

 

 

 

Setting up the Miranda storyline, we see her dressed in a chocolate business suit that she should not be sleeping in.

Not only is this not what one should wear when waiting for their man to come a-knockin’ after he done with his bartending shift, that blouse will wrinkle faster than her face will upon reading a terrible offer of settlement. Plus, the sleeves were clearly inspired by Seinfeld’s puffy shirt episode. If Seinfeld is your style inspiration, it’s time to rethink your aesthetic.

 

The girls’ brunch didn’t clear up the inconspicuous weather mismatch.

 

We see Carrie in what appears to be a modified kimono that was cut up and resewn with a terrycloth bathrobe. I’ll award a few points for chicness, but I’m deducting a few for just being incongruous and too hard a contrast to have any real flow.

Charlotte is bright and uptight as usual, in a madras print shift and an uwillingness to accept her lastest beau’s “unmodified” equipment (more on that later).

 

Samantha is almost naked in this flesh-toned top with strategically placed blue leaves. Can’t you see her as the star of a tableau vivant in 1920s New York, straight out of an Edith Wharton novel? Someone get this woman an afternoon salon, preferably one frequented by the members of the Algonquin Table.

And there’s Miranda, rocking out her early 90s Gaultier sailor outfit. Folks, if you’re looking for a timeless summer outfit, this one never ever goes out of style.

 

After Carrie spends an awkward dinner watching Big swing his metaphorical dick around to other customers in the restaurant, the take a stroll which ends with him leering at a passerby in an imitation vinyl Matrix-style coat.

Considering this episode aired in 1999, someone in New York had to be wearing that kind of outerwear. Carrie tries to tell him he hates it when he checks out other women, but if I were her I would call him out by saying “I judge you for checking out a woman in a garbage bag that was not worn by Tilda Swinton at the Oscars.”

Of course, she herself is wrapped in this Stevie Nicks granny shawl, and I can’t do anything but giggle at the juxtaposition of Fleetwood Mac and Carrie-Anne Moss in the same scene.

 

Also out for an evening walk is Charlotte and her Shar Pei new man. You see, he’s uncircumcised, and it freaks her out. Char, you need to get out more.

A much more egregious offense is his colorblock tie against a monochrome shirt. At least it wasn’t shimmery, else he’d be mistaken as a manager for a boy band.

 

Can this relationship by saved? Why yes, it can! Look how happy Char is when he proclaims he’s going to be circumcised! I bet this foreshadows her marriage to Harry, as she mentally plans the bar mitzvah after his bris.

You know, I always forget that before she met Trey, Charlotte loved her basic black and hipster glasses. Just you watch — over the next four seasons, her wardrobe becomes increasingly more Betty Draper-esque. You too will forget that she was at one point kitted like a fake power lesbian (a fauxbian?).

 

Back to Miranda, who’s so very annoyed that Steve gets home too late to do anything but throw off her morning schedule.

You know what annoys me? This blue nightie. It has more fabric than Samantha’s blue leaves top. Sure it’s pretty but also kinda boxy, and we know Cynthia Nixon is a slender, athletic woman. This doesn’t do her any favors.

 

No matter, it’s off to gay bingo! Here are the looks:

Miranda: paneled sari with a French kerchief. Was this a failed dollar store design challenge from an old Project Runway episode? You can make fusion food, but fusion fashion is another matter. 

 

Samantha: leopard print. We get it, Sam’s a cougar, the end.

 

Charlotte: NO! BAD CHARLOTTE! Did you get lost on your way to a PTA meeting in Connecticut? This is NOT what one wears to drag queen bingo!

I’m sorry. Sweet little Charlotte has really ticked me off this episode.

 

Ah, but then there’s Carrie — the only one dressed for the occasion. Look how sparkly! If she had body glitter on, she’d be dancing til Starbucks opens the next morning.

 

And last but not least, we have Brad/”Samantha”. This former hockey player (and former Samantha shtupper) runs into his old flame at drag queen bingo and reveals that she inspired him to transform from Boring Brad to Smashing Sam. But I know that Samantha wouldn’t be caught dead wearing something like this. Girlfriend looks like a screen shot from Candy Crush.

 

Speaking of zebra stripes, the next day Carrie prowls around Big’s UES lobby in a glitter top, shiny purse and the aforementioned stripes. Sweetie, I think I know why doorman thought you were a hooker.

Not to generalize based on appearance, but this is not what one would expect wear on the Upper East Side, at least according to its snootier denizens and the doormen from Queens who toil for them.

 

Carrie and Big unexpectedly knock each other out in bed, but not in the way anyone would have wanted. She ends up on the floor and he gets a bloody nose. But we also see her in a nightie that looks like the naked dress from season 1, although this appears to have more fabric. (Do we notice a trend amongst the nightgowns?)

 

And finally we see the best sleepwear of the night: Miranda’s slinky lavender number with orange robe.

Methinks she had this made from the same cloth cut to make her drag queen bingo outfit, and they came together as a (theoretical) set. A better idea in theory than in execution?

 

Of course, what I love most about sleepwear is transitioning it into daywear…if I were working from home and trying to get away with it (RIP 30 Rock).

Because if that were my situation, then I would always wear COOKIE MONSTER PAJAMAS. Keep livin’ the dream, Bradshaw.