Part 2 of 2: Borderline

 

Jesse may be pressuring Rachel into sex, but no one made her wear that boring black skirt not worthy of being worn outside of her bedroom when she’s alone on a Saturday night.

Anyway, she’s so into Jesse.

And sex.

 

 

Tina then shares her truth and admits Artie expects her to dress more sexily if she wants to be with him. I agree she should dress differently — her top is like if bondage tape and a doily had a baby…

 

…but Artie dresses like an old man and talks like Flo Rida, so who’s he to judge? I love this picture. Tina’s beanie makes her look like she stole Artie from a convenience store.

 

Mercedes’ only problem is her fashion sense. Denim and neon belong in the trailer park, sweetie, along with your accessories.

 

I’m all for layering, but two shirts and a hoodie of varying colours, plus that tacky key pendant add up to one big mess. Keys should be from Tiffany’s, or they shouldn’t be at all.

 

At least Mercedes is consistent, though. Kurt’s clothes suggest he’s an employee at a barbecue joint. His hat suggests it’s a Marxist barbecue joint.

 

Madonna showed us the power of reinvention and made Kabbalah bracelets a thing.

She also gave us the most cringe-worthy trends of the eighties. Exhibit A:

 

Exhibit B:

 

Exhibit C:

There are other tracksuits this episode, but the conical bra is all that really matter, so I made a collage. Only five tracksuits? A poor showing, Sue.

 

Rachel’s worn this top before, and I hated it then, and I like it even less with pink jeans. Pink jeans are an abomination. Pink jeans are everything that is wrong with the world.

 

While Emma’s babydoll was shyly sexy, Rachel’s cape costume is a cast-off from Wicked. She looks like a toddler just waiting for a tiara, and that is a turn on for absolutely no one.

 

This ensemble isn’t even that offensive, I just disapprove of Rachel for lying about Jesse to Finn. Their love triangle is boresville.

 

I also disapprove of this sweater. A golfer or Chuck Bass could pull off pink and grey argyle, but Rachel just seems to have dressed up as Teen Sitter Skipper.

 

But hey, at least Rachel doesn’t start dressing like an adult just because she has a boyfriend. Likewise, Tina insists on wearing ammo and the eye of Sauron as accessories, regardless of the fact that Artie wants a Harajuku girl.

I’m dying to see her in something with a fitted waist — an empire line, even!

 

These teens fail to resolve their issues and then sing ‘Like a Prayer’ while wearing maroon knitwear over white tees…who decides on these group outfits? What relevance do they ever have to the song being sung?

A gospel choir backs up the New Directions which, considering the Vatican condemned both the song and Madonna, is not ironic in the slightest.

Nope. Not at all ironic.