Part 1 of 2: Burning Up

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: in the first of many morality tales loosely tied in with an artist’s catalogue, Sue forces Madonna on the Cheerios via their routines and on the rest of the school via the intercom. Will is inspired to steal the idea in order to empower the female glee club members, which don’t impress their boyfriends much (sorry, that’s Shania Twain). Emma, Rachel and Finn decide to lose their virginity (not to each other), but only of them goes through with it, and Artie tries to sex up Tina (somebody should). Jesse St. James joins the New Directions and Kurt and Mercedes join the Cheerios. The eighties is back. And the nineties. And the noughties…

 

Quinn doesn’t do much this episode, but she does pull some intense faces and pull off ruffle-a-palooza in this super pretty cranberry cardigan and high-necked denim dress.

 

Rachel is also ruffled, although her white and blue patterned blouse is more countrified than Quinn’s brights. It’s still pretty, though, as she seeks Emma’s guidance on whether to lose her virginity to Jesse…

 

…sex?

…boys?

Ms Pillsbury looks like Bambi on her best day, but such an unexpected (and unexplored) topic leaves her speechless. Rachel should know better than to ask someone sparkling with red embroidery and adorned with a bow that big about sex. Delicate? Yes. Deviant? No.

 

Speaking of deviant, is that the name of John Galliano gracing Kurt’s hoodie? I love a modest man. I don’t love a man who wears his hood up indoors, but Kurt looks like a well-turned out extra from Les Miserables, so I’ll let him off.

 

From nineteenth century France from twentieth century England, and from Les Miserables to Downton Abbey.

In case you were wondering, we Brits don’t actually dress like this…

…often.

 

Emma makes like Ariel in this lovely blue and black cardigan, and the whole outfit comes off swimmingly. Strong colours flatter her. Pale colours flatter her. What doesn’t flatter her?

 

Even the oft’ perilous combination of green and pink adores Emma in this pleated blouse and pencil skirt, with shiny roses splashed across the fabric and tiny flowers around her neck. It’s a fresh take on the floral trend from fashion purist Emma.

 

Rachel shows off both pleats and ruffles below, but the star of this screencap is her twee bird belt — that, and her look of abject apprehension vis-a-vis Jesse versus Finn.

 

Emma and Will have been will they/won’t they forever, and now she’s decided she will (have sex) with Will. Announcing it to him in a school hallway isn’t very sensible, but her gorgeous black patterned and pearl accented cardigan definitely is.

Bravo on the bright red skirt!

Congrats on the sex!

 

Unsurprisingly, Emma’s virgin robe is a demure lilac babydoll, gauzy and gorgeous. It errs a little on the side of elderly, but so do all her ensembles, and the rose detail is charming.

 

Also on the prowl this episode is Santana, who offers to take Finn’s virginity because she’s never done him before and she’s bored. Lucky Finn — this silky lilac number is stunning.

 

Finn lies and says he didn’t have sex, Rachel lies and says she did, and Emma opens her heart to Will while dressed from head to toe in purple. She’s beautiful, the blouse is beautiful, and lavender tweed skirts should be a universal human right.

 

But this after-school special is not all about sex! Kurt and Mercedes conspire to give Sue a makeover, and Kurt dresses as snappily as I imagine a French assassin would on his day off.

“His name was the French Horn, his business, murder.”

 

The hair swoosh below should be made more permanent, as should the matching outfits.

 

Hooray! Fierce.

 

That makeover I mentioned turned Sue into a blonde afro bearing, suit with no shell wearing, long-hair-don’t-care daring, audience scaring Madonna impersonator.

I…

…like her lipstick?