This week, our girls considered the Universal Scary Question: “What if I end up alone?” (Or, in Samantha’s case, “What if I sleep with so many people that I’m no longer allowed in my favorite restaurants, clubs, and bars across New York City?”) The answer? We should all be okay as long as cat owners around NYC overfeed their pets to avoid posthumous mauling following an accidental death. Noted.

 

An even better question would be, “Why is Samantha attending the Kentucky Derby?”

My bad. She’s attending the funeral of a well-known designer. The hat, clutch, dress, and coat all look well-made, but I can’t get over the outfit’s Derby vibe.

 

 

 

Apparently, neither can Charlotte, who shows up in a much more appropriate black trench. Charlotte is appalled by Samantha’s outfit. Samantha is appalled that Carrie received a plus one invite to the funeral. I’m just digging the styled wave in Charlotte’s hair.

 

However, once they arrive at the funeral, Charlotte realizes she’s the sore thumb in the crowd.

Personally, I would want to stand out in this crowd. A designer’s funeral? It looks more like the circus is in town. Seriously, does anyone else see the actual clown in the top left corner? Green wig? White face?

 

Our Ms. Bradshaw blends in with the circus by wearing the largest, most multi-colored shades she can find. 

The hair, necklace, and khaki jacket look great, but the sunglasses stand out on top of her head, and not in a good way.

 

After borrowing Samantha’s hat in an attempt to blend in, Charlotte happens across a handsome widower visiting his wife’s grave.

They chat, she learns the widower went to Princeton (Woo-hoo! Good on paper!), and Charlotte agrees to a date. The girls recommend dating a divorcée instead (everyone is still alive), but Charlotte moves ahead enthusiastically. 

 

Meanwhile, Carrie calls Mr. Big, and they chat via some old-school phones.

I have to say, young Chris Noth is pretty attractive. Especially in this well tailored black sweater. Man has got swagger.

 

Carrie is anxious as per usz, but she is likewise dressed in black, and likewise holding a super cute old-fashioned rotary phone that blends in with her outfit. Eh, if you’ve ever watched an SATC episode, you’ve probably seen it before.

 

After the funeral, Sam takes it upon herself to do some fundraising for the charity that was started in the name of the designer.

In terms of 90s professional wear, Sam’s outfit is 100% stylish/appropriate/etc, and the royal top is a lovely pop of color against her cream pencil skirt. 

Question: Should you leave this woman around your husband?

 

Answer: No.

As this stiffly-dressed socialite soon found out. Perhaps she’s jealous of how well Samantha wears cream?

 

So instead of fundraising, Samantha finds herself trouble-starting. Unfortch, she’s pissed off the wrong lady because… 

If you ask any New Yorker, being turned away from a good brunch is probably one of the worst things that can happen. Although, seeing Carrie’s hideous 80s style house dress out and about is probably up there as well. The print and shape of the dress? No good. Totally swallows her small frame. I would have turned the group away from brunch based on that outfit alone. 

 

Meanwhile, Miranda is buying herself an apartment. Yep, just her.

I must give Miranda credit. Ignoring the countless turtleneck sweaters and awful hair cut, accessory-wise, girlfriend is way ahead of her time. I’m pretty sure I’ve coveted a very similar-looking bracelet from the J.Crew Jewelry Collection Spring 2013 line. 

 

Nighttime comes and an angst-ridden Carrie is getting ready for her date with Big. 

Despite her stress, is it bad I’m kind of loving her dress? The shiny, dark, snakeskin (?) material is perfect for a NYC night, and unlike the housecoat situation above, this dress fits her really well. 

 

It’s Carrie and Big, 2.0! These two are so meant to be. 

Too bad Carrie doesn’t know her fate the way we do, because she freaks out, and the date ends before it really starts, ifyaknowwhatImean.

 

Back on the Upper West Side, Miranda and yet another turtleneck go to visit her newly purchased apartment, whereupon she meets a new neighbor who informs her that the last occupant died and was eaten by her cat.

 

There ya go Hobbes, let’s make sure to keep Fatty nice and well-fed. 

 

After a steamy night with her widower in which she “helps him come back to life,” Charlotte, a preppy dress, and some lillies go to visit his wife’s grave. 

 

But wait…

I don’t know what’s creepier. All the lillies, or the fact that this man clearly has a type.

 

While Charlotte deftly saves herself from a relationship with Creepy Cemetary Pickup Guy, Samantha is unable to save herself from certain social downfall. Luckily, Jack Leonardo DiCaprio* (reminding us once again that it’s the 90s) steps in and rescues her.

Never again will she be turned away from brunch.

*Not actually Leo.

 

Bradshaw, on the other hand, decides to dive headfirst and goes out with Big, yet again. They go bowling, and this adorableness ensues:

Maybe she’s happy in the moment? Or maybe she’s smiling because she secretly knows a massive closet and beautiful apartment are only ten years and one feature film away.