Cha cha cha, walking in my tutu, oh noes! Splashed by a bus! Yes, it’s time again to delve into the often questionable fashionz and bizarre lifestyle choices of the SATC girl gang. This week, Carrie’s thesis is two part: a) is being alone so bad and b) is it OK to fake it sometimes? The answer to these turn out to be kind of bleak, leading to a sadder-than-usual episode of SATC. And I’m not just talking about the late-90s outfits.

 

We begin in a very rare situation for these ladies, in that they are all single and ready to mingle. That’s right time for all the single ladies to put on their most practical heels for a night on the town!

Are these the lowest heels we’ve ever seen Carrie in? I think so. She paired them with high-waisted satin skinny pants (long before the term “skinny pants” was invented) and a flowy peasant blouse. She was in motion for most of this scene, so I was only really able to capture the H-to-T in this blurry morning after shot:

“Wheee! My life as a single mid-30s lady is so fun and totally not horrifying! I swear this fur coat doesn’t smell at all like a chimney! Good morning, Mr. Garbage Man!”

 

I like how much respect the gals paid to this ladies’ night out. You can tell that they aren’t there to pick up by their outfits.

I mean, OK, Sam’s dress is cut down to there but it’s nowhere near as flashy as she dresses when she’s on the prowl. And I have to assume that Charlotte’s paperclip-esque choker was the height of fashion back then?

 

And, despite her choice in legwear, Carrie’s boho hairstyle steals the show at the nightclub.

Check out Mir, lurking there in the background. Pay no attention to her sleeveless black turtleneck (a fairly awful choice for dancing at a nightclub, no?) but note the ring. Miranda Hobbes is wearing a statement ring! This is a huge leap forward for her, fashion-wise. Maybe she’s not so hopeless after all.

 

As much fun as they had, this night of hard partying made Carrie late for a magazine photoshoot the next morning. So, as you do, she threw a souvenir poncho on top of her outfit from the night before and crawled in, an hour late, looking like a used packet of Ramen noodles.


Poor Stanford. He thought he was going to get Hot Fashion Girl Carrie for this shoot, but he wound up with… well…

This.

 

While Carrie’s mostly humiliated by the unflattering photo, the other girls begin to freak out about the headline: “Single & Fabulous?” They had considered themselves “Single & Fabulous!” with an exclamation mark, but now they’re worried about the question mark. Each of them handles it in their own way:

Carrie spends most of the episode hiding inside of this bucket hat, trying to distract people from her face with prominent nerps…

 

… while Charlotte puts on her frilliest, girliest outfit and seduces her contractor.

Oh, honey. You need to leave that top back at the Renaissaince Faire for Little Girls. And the less said about her embellished flip-flops, the better.

OK, I’ll just note that they are PURPLE PLATFORM FLIP-FLOPS with PINK FLOWERS ON THEM. This may have been the height of fashion in the late 90s among the middle school set, but not for professional 30-something ladies. Get it together, Char.

 

Miranda’s busy this week, first, demonstrating an absolute lack of how to use free weights while power-walking:

Seriously, this episode is worth watching just to watch Miranda’s random flailings. Though, to be fair, Carrie showed a greater misunderstanding of personal fitness by pausing for a smoke break mid-walk.

 

Miranda clearly bought her sleeveless turtlenecks in bulk this week, as she later goes on to model this (velvet?) maroon number:

While the colour works nicely with her red hair, she needs to say NO! to sleeveless turtlenecks. Although…perhaps she’s hoping to show off her toned arms from all that time spent randomly flinging weights around Central Park?

 

Sam starts out in possibly the most questionable sweater I’ve ever seen on this show, which is saying a lot.

Tone on tone bedazzling? REALLY? And she wonders why she’s still single.

 

She steps things up in a big way though, for a salsa-dancing date with her piece of the week.

In any other circumstance, I’d say the hair flower and the tassled dress would be a bit much, but both are perfect for salsa dancing. On a hanger, that dress would look like drapery, but Sam turns it out on the dance floor.

 

I appreciate how Patricia Field finds ways to show off all of the fun pieces she finds. There’s no real reason for Sam to be wandering around with her shirt open other than to show off this intricate bra, but for this show, that’s reason enough. 

Oh, and also to show off Kim Cattrall’s sick abs. And also this very fun vintage-y phone. Well played, SATC.

 

 

 

That being said, why do these women keep picking men who are so much below them? Sam falls head-over-Manolos for yet another loser this week, only to find herself stood up. I mean, we should all look so glam being stood up, but like… nobody should have to go through this.

The issue here isn’t you, Sam. It’s just your terrible taste in men. And your inability to use the restaurant’s coat check.

 

And then Carrie “Single & Fabulous?” Bradshaw works out her ennui with a night on the town with her GBF, perfect curls, and a really cute pink (notice a theme this week?) silk top:

 

Who’s she got her sights set on this week? Oh, just a certain BRADLEY COOPER:

She kicks him to the curb after he finds her magazine cover, which is really weak sauce when you think about it. If she waited until 2012 and showed him his SEXIEST MAN ALIVE cover, would he dump her? Sort your priorities, Bradshaw.

 

She winds the episode up having an “empowering” lunch for one. While her narration claims that flying solo isn’t so bad, her face tells a different story.

That being said, with her gorgeous mane of hair, devil-may-care attitude and collection of bad puns,  I’m sure it won’t be too long until she finds a handsome new beau. Or a handsome old beau…? *cough, Mr. Big, *cough*