You guys, not only is The Carrie Diaries officially coming back for a second season, they’re also going to introduce a young Samantha Jones! I know! So exciting. But who will play Samantha? And will this Samantha resemble Kim Cattrall’s version? Assuming she will, the YKYLF staff tossed names of unemployed actresses around the staffroom, and we wondered — how far is the jump from their previous character to Sex and the City-flavored Samantha Jones?
We thought we were being clever when we declared Naomi “the Samantha Jones of 90210,” but it turns out ALM is the front-runner on, oh, every other blog. And for good reason:
Skills – 5/5: If you’ve ever seen an episode of 90210, you’ve seen a Naomi Clark party/fundraiser/unnecessarily glam campground. Both gals have Rolodexes and resources they’re not afraid to use.
Style – 5/5: The bold prints! The colored pantsuits! The affected manner of speech! Are we talking about Naomi or Samantha? It’s so hard to tell.
Sex – 3/5: While Samantha’s sexcapades were more for pleasure, Naomi hopped into bed purely to get what she wants. Remember that awful tryst with the hippie son of CU’s Dean of Admissions? Or, I dunno, the start of her relationship with Max?
Total Naomi-Samantha Factor: 4.34/5
Gossip Girl has been off the air for many months, and its former golden girl is busy being married and hawking cupcakes and making things in her really expensive oven. But just in case Blake wants to put down the apron and get back into acting, we’re adding her name to this list.
Skills – 1/5: Oh sure, Serena threw a few parties on Gossip Girl, but there’s no way she could have (would have?) pulled them off without Dorota. Let’s face it, Sam is an intelligent self-made woman who’s hired by clients like Serena, and then bitches about them during brunch.
Style – 3/5: Both women were known to don a bodycon dress, but Serena’s casual-day style was far more boho chic. Tailored pantsuits? Not her jam.
Sex – 3/5: Miss van der Woodsen liked herself some sexytime action, but she fell in wuv way more often than Samantha ever did. The closest Sam came to coupledom was when Smith bought her that big ring in SATC, The First Movie — The One That Didn’t Suck.
Total Serena-Samantha Factor: 2.34/5
Not so much unemployed as underemployed, Dianna’s got time on her hands ever since Glee sent Quinn Fabray off to the Island of Tertiary Characters.
Skills – 2/5: She’s not completely dumb (she got into Yale) but she does have a thing for making bad decisions that Samantha would have deftly avoided (see: teen pregnancy, driving while texting, etc).
Style – 1/5: Samantha does not do cardigans. Nor does she do side-braids and ankle boots, but Quinn continues to torture us with all of the above, season after season. The ensemble she wore for Schue’s faux wedding reception is as close as she’s ever come to Samantha’s flashy style.
Sex – 3.5/5: Quinn gave it up for Puck and Finn, and then she played around with Santana, so it’s safe to say that Q is not the virginal church-going gal she pretended to be at the top of Season 1.
Total Quinn-Samantha Factor: 2.17/5
India de Beaufort
Jane By Design was yanked after only one season, but resident villianness India Jourdain left an impression of Maleficent curls and a ruthless work ethic. What’s India de Beaufort up to these days? Nothing? Excellent, let’s see if she’s up to the task of playing Samantha!
Skills – 3/5: In case you forgot, India J. was the scheming bitch at Donovan-Decker. She could ruin you in the blink of an eye, unless you’re a 17-year old girl with pluck and pinwheel arms. Seriously India, you were disgraced by the entire DD house while Jane gets a trip to Paris? Samantha Jones would never let some high school intern adorned in sequins make her look like a fool.
Style – 4/5: India de Beaufort loses a point for India J’s lack of brights, but overall, she’s got Sam’s tailored dominatrix steez down. Plus, both she and Kim are British, and that’s got to count for something, right?
Sex – 4/5: India’s corporate skills might pale next to Samantha Jones, but there is one category where these ladies are neck and neck, and that’s what Salt’n’Pepa were talking about: sex. She saw her former piece Jeremy make googly eyes at Jane and swooped in like a hawk that hadn’t eaten in weeks. And look at all those S&M stylings above — that woman is a danger cat.
Total India-Samantha Factor: 3.67/5
So, our winner is AnnaLynne, just like the rest of the internet. What do you think?