The Amount of Suspense in This Episode Has Nothing To Do With Regionals!

Frustrations come to a boiling point this week with several dramatic subplots. Ryder demands — rather violently — that Catfish reveals herself. Marley confesses, but it turns out to be (SPOILERS) Unique, who just wanted to get close to someone she liked. Rachel wails through a Celine Dion song for her Big Broadway Callback and sheds a few tears (relief? terror? shame? pride?) to boot, but the Panel O’ Judges seems unimpressed. We’ll see how that turns out. Some folks at MIT determine that despite popular opinion/probability/possibility Brittney is a genius. She returns to McKinnley with serious ‘tude, but it turns out she just has feelings because she’s been offered early admission and has to leave immediately. Blah blah, regionals drama, and oh, suddenly regionals are being held at McKinley. The New Directions compete with a so-so lineup of songs, but (spoilers?) take the trophy anyway. Cheering and hugging abound, and then there’s a wedding in the choir room.

 

Rachel’s Melodramatic Solo of the Week:

Celine Dion’s “Love You More.” For a Broadway callback. Really? Reeeeally, Glee? In what universe would they a) let you choose what song to sing for a call back, b) let that song NOT be a showtune, let alone one from the actual show you’re auditioning for, and c) have a pennywhistle player on hand to accompany you?

But whatevs, I like the demureness of this Jil Sander dress. This dress says calm, collected, semi-professional — a good dress to audition in. However, if we know one thing about Rachel Berry, it’s that short sleeves and above-the-knee hemlines automatically reduce her age by ten years. Rachel is auditioning for Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway. Adding four inch platforms doesn’t add on apparent years, Rachel. Neither does standing slightly pigeon-toed like the models you see in Vogue.

 

Big Reveal of the Week:

The identity of Catfish/Katie/whatevertheheckisgoingonthere is…

Marley! Looking particularly pretty in neutral tones with a possible snakeskin pattern, and her effortless flowing locks (standard Marley issue). This makes me think of an Urban Outfitters catalogue for July/August or thereabouts. But I like it.

 

Also, just kidding, Catfish is totally not Marley, it’s actually…

…Wade/Unique! She discovered that she had feelings for Ryder, and so posed as a petite blonde in order to get his attention over text. This is Unique’s “I’m Sorry” face. As plain as her polo is, girl still has FIERCE eyelashes. I would kill for those lashes.

 

The confession from Unique is heartfelt enough, but Ryder has no sympathy left, having been totally embarassed in front of everyone. Judgement is swift and harsh, just like it will be right now: Ryder constantly looks like a poorly dressed Ken doll. There, I finally said it.

 

Unexpected Plot Twist of the Week:

Brittany S. Pierce: Mathematical Super Genius.

Cute giraffe circle scarf, Brit!

 

Sadly, it was all downhill from there. I’m losing IQ points just looking at this Free People dip-dye skirt and oversized sweater situation. What’s the look she’s going for?

 

A coral beret (cute!), an acid wash denim vest with odd pins (mateless earrings?) and a faded graphic tee of the Old Navy/Gap sales bin variety leaves me equally cold.

 

And we end with this pin-up style updo (NICE!), paired with an Anthropologie feather-print cardigan and a ribbed striped shirt.

Brittany, what? Strange patterns, unusual color combinations, bizarre layers… and underneath it all, an Einstein brain. The thing I love about Brit, though, is how despite everything, no matter who goes and who stays or who dates who, Brittany always always dresses like her fashion advisor is a three year old girl. Still, I’ll take the animal hats of seasons yore over this confusion.

 

Unlike Santana, who always dresses like she’s the number one biatch on America’s Next Top Model. I lurrrve this sheath dress in black, white polka dots and mint. It’s bold and graphic and pop-art-y.

Did I mention I lurve it?

 

“FINALLY!!!” Moment of the Week:

Obviously Will and Emma (“Wemma?” asks the priest. I like “Wilma” more, personally) finally getting married ughhhhhhhthattookforeverrrrr in the choir room after Regionals.

Emma’s hair has been flatironed within an inch of its life… but the lacy dress is all right and her sweet little bouquet is too perfect. Let’s hope they can make it last (the marriage, I mean).

 

Nailbiter of the Week:

I am reeeeeally worried about Blurt. I mean Kaine. I mean Kurt and Blaine. Blaine wants to propose, like, yesterday, and Kurt still thinks they aren’t even a couple anymore!? duhWHAT? Does Blaine not know how teen marriages turn out? It’s like he doesn’t even watch this show.

But boy howdy do these fellas know how to dress! Well, Blaine’s is a bit mundane compared to his usual steez, but Kurt looks fabulous! The rusty orange against the subtle blues and maroons of his vest and scarf are amaze. UHMAZE. Also I adore how much lift his hair gets these days. Back in season one, he had the flat-to-the-skull emo sidepart…. and now this! So proud.

 

Blaine still owns cute sweatervests and adorable satchels, though. I love the bold red and navy for him, even if it does remind me of his Warblers uniform. #preppy

 

Yawn of the Week:

Regionals. Sigh.

These dresses from the Hoosierdaddies are cute and I’m giving windmill snaps for the boys’ red shirts and black suspenders, but they definitely look like an underage wedding party. Or an overly coordinated homecoming court?

 

The New Directions do a bit better with slightly more classic colors and lines, but the fellas looked so casual next to the girls.

 

 

 

I personally think the hemlines of the dresses are too long for most of the girls, but the dresses are a win other than that. And can we talk about Kitty stealing the show with her bombshell bouffant and totally nude lipstick? It was impossible to get a clearer image of her, because girlfriend was busy with her twirls, kicks and hip-bumps. Werq.

 

 

Sleeper Agent of the Week:

I don’t always think about Sugar Motta when she’s not onscreen, but when I do, she’s usually wearing gold lame and leopard print.

GASP! Dreams do come true! She legitimately came to school dressed like a 1991 Barbie doll (Beverly Hills Barbie? Rodeo Drive Barbie maybe?) and she knows it.

 

And then she proved the probability of her true secret identity: Britney and Madonna’s secret love child. I can’t get over the gold studs and the perfect chignon under that hat. And the biker gloves.

 

Oh, and also? Sugar spends the entire regionals performance of Icona Pop’s “I Love It” in character. As in, like, acting. It’s incredible. Observe:

Don’t ever change, Sugar Motta.

So that’s that for Season 4 of Glee. It was a rough road, you guys. Somewhere along the way, the show started limping along, but hopefully with one more character closer to NYC next year (welcome to MIT, Brittany!), we’ll see less of the hallowed halls of McKinnley, and more fab fashion.