What Jess Wore

It’s def a sign that if you can’t even pronounce your fiancé’s name, you probably shouldn’t be marrying him. But regardless, Cece’s wedding is on in just three short weeks! Jess plans a surprise bachelorette party for Cece while the boys kidnap Shiv and try to snap a picture of his dong. Yes, weird. But Cece still hasn’t seen it and she’s freaking out (not weird — the freaking out bit). Shiv promises to love her forever and ever and ever and not to worry about not knowing things about each other. Schmidt still loves Cece (says me) but goes to his ex to ask her to be his plus one to the wedding. She turns him down and makes him eat a whole greasy pizza himself. And Nick and Jess make zero progress, except Jess does get a lovely picture of Nick’s package.

 

OH MY GOD what is that?! Our thoughts exactly Jess. I mean really guys, I just can’t. Sue Sylvester called and she wants her clothes back. Sorry Nick, but not even the “dead dad pass” can excuse this velour ridiculousness. As Schmidt so perfectly put it, “you look like a homeless pencil.”

 

Though Schmidt’s not really one to talk. Coming out of his room dressed for his Booty Booty Booty Booty Rockin’ Everywhere class. (Does anyone else feel Schmidt’s hilarious one liners and silly antics are keeping this show alive?)

And oh hey, Jess’s cha-cha.

 

Insert standard-issue picture of Jess showing off her awesomely awesome legs, in her one and only mini mini skirt that she’s worn in at least 13 other episodes, with her lovely but normal striped J-Crew sweater.

It’s like the guy from Blue’s Clues misplaced his girlfriend. Also, what’s up with her hair? Is it sick?

 

 

 

Two things going wrong here: 1) Umm, pregger lady? Wearing a bra on the outside of your dress isn’t sexy bachelorette attire, it’s just plain odd. Pregnancy is not an excuse. 2) Jess, while your Kate Spade colorblock dress is pretty, you’re at Cece’s Dirty Bachelorette Party, not your grandma’s tea party. 

You want to know how inappropriate it is for this event? Quinn from Glee wore it to a wedding. Yeah, here at YKYLF we keep track of such things.

 

Remind me to never take bachelorette party tips from Jess. Snooooze-fest! And to make it worse, everyone is dressed more boring than Emily from Pretty Little Liars. You just know no one was on the phone with their girlfriend for hours whilst going through their closet wondering what to wear. Again, this is supposed to be Cece’s dirty bachelorette party! Too much class, not enough sass.

 

Maybe they were too tuckered out from playing “Pin the Dong on Shivrang.” Guess Jess didn’t know she may not have needed such a large bullseye. Oh snap! 

 

Kidding, we don’t actually know what size bullseye is needed, since Shivrang didn’t cooperate. I actually don’t know what’s more silly — Nick inside a pencil suit, Nick taking a picture of his peeper in the middle of the bar, Winston sending the picture to Jess, Shiv-Dog allowing Nick’s peeper to pass as his own, or this sorry excuse for a bachelor party. 

 

OK, I know Cece didn’t know about her bachelorette party, and thus didn’t dress for the event. But it’s freakin’ Cece for pete’s sake! She’s supposed to look like a goddess at all hours of the day! As a bride-to-be, one must always be dressed to the nines in case someone springs some surprise something or other. That means not just throwing on the stretched out racer back from the bottom of your closet and a pair of stretchy pants because they’re so gosh darn comfy!

 

But, lesson learned. Not even too-long party dresses, un-flattering tanks, nor pajama sets could come between these two and finally Cece asked Jess to be her Maid of Honor. Awwwww!

 

And even though Schmidt got rejected by his ex-girlfriend, he stil got to eat his greasy pizza and do his Big Boy dance. 

 

So in the end, everyone was happy and got what they wanted. Even though I still think Cece and Schmidt belong together, Nick and Jess really need to work things out, and Winston needs to get himself a girl. Do you think any of those things will happen before the season ends