Part 2 of 2: Every Rose Has Its Thorne

Ashley may not have been on top of her game at the masquerade, but she certainly had her look together during Conrad’s town hall earlier that week. I mean, she’s basically wearing a leather romper that’s nearly flesh-toned. Who else could pull that off in Montauk? No one, and I’ll tell you why – because Ashley is fierce and not to be trifled with. Her shoes perfectly capture that with the studs and colour match to the dress. Stop wasting your time in politics and get working for a fashion house, girl! 

 

During his town hall with “the working class”, Conrad pulls out his best Bill Clinton and lays on the schmaltz so thick you’d need boots to talk to him. I’m literally floored that people would even consider voting for him since he comes off as old money trapped in a blue collar world. Normal people liking Conrad seems a bit of a stretch. 

 

Remember how I mentioned Victoria was pretty clear about Emily not showing up to the masquerade? Well, that little exchange happened in Victoria’s bedroom in what could be described as the greatest fake smile throwdown on television.

Queen Vic is wearing her usual wrap dress, although I’m pretty pleased to see a colour outside the black/beige spectrum. Emily, however, looks stunning in her navy and black dress. I don’t know how everything she wears looks so polished, but she always stands out.

 

Black roses? From a long lost son? It’s pretty rare we see the “Oh shit” look in Victoria’s eyes, but girl is rattled at this little gift. It’s too bad she lost her nerve so early in the episode because Victoria has some pretty tasty snaps. When she called Ashley “a seasonal trifle”? Even I felt that one sting.

 

Charlotte wasn’t too thrilled about the black roses either, though she’s in the dark on the whole mystery son business. This girl needs to take some tips from Emily and find a consistent look, or at least some common themes. Here, she’s full on high school Charlotte, but at the masquerade you saw her looking like heir apparent to the Grayson legacy of HBICs. Oh well, at least her hair is always gorgeous.

 

Oh, don’t pretend like you didn’t know Emily was behind the black roses. That’s just the right amount of camp and dramz for this girl. I don’t know how Nolan lived with her for so long. Just thinking of all the awkward silences and Revengey staring is enough to turn me off.

 

Now, you’re not looking at Seychelle Gabriel and Grace Fulton, obviously. I hate these lingering titles, but I had to include this shot of Emily in the city with Aiden. He’s working his usual business smoulder look, but there’s something about that scarf I needed to share. Actually, I don’t think I can say anything more than it’s beautiful and I would like to wrap myself in it luxurious fibres forever.

 

As Emily and Aiden traipse around town and scheme, Daniel’s doing what he does best — getting into a posturing match with Victoria at the manor house. Even in that three-piece, you can’t deny the bro stance he’s working.

Daniel’s suits are so much nicer to look at than Conrad’s. They’re fitted, current, he’s not afraid to experiment with colour — all good things men need to know about fashion. Too bad he’s about as interesting as the sponge I use to clean my tub.

 

Now that Emily and Daniel are on Page Six (what!?) as back together, Aiden’s kind of left out in the cold. As you might tell from this pop-in by Emily, they’re not exactly lusting to rip each other’s clothes off. Though, that’s probably a good thing since Emily’s jeans are the skinniest of the skinny. Come on, just have a quiet fling and make it dangerous. You’re already on the most dramatic show on television!

 

While Aiden and Emily deal with the sexual tension on Team Revenge(!!!), Nolan’s slowly slipping into mad scientist territory. We all knew he was a tech genius, but I didn’t realize he was so close to the edge. You can give him credit for wanting to find Padma, but honestly, I’m glad they took care of her. I can’t bear Nolan looking so sweaty and disheveled.

 

See? Even when he takes a break from his swirling void of numbers, he can’t even muster up the energy for a classic Nolan look. This is a subdued variation and, I hope I’m just seeing things, but it looks like Nolan’s wearing argyle. I loathe argyle. The only shadow of regular Nolan is his pocket square, which is oh so tame.

 

Look – is he wearing a pinstripe hoodie? Get a grip, Ross! If ever there was a need for a Moonstruck “Snap out of it!” slap… 

 

Nolan isn’t the only one feeling the mental strain of all this Revenging(!!!). After spotting Mystery Masque at the ball, Victoria throws a fainting spell and totally looks distressed. The next day, Conrad gets up in her grill about the fainting because he wants to know what’s up about this mystery son business.

Sidebar: I’m so sick of Conrad’s whisper-talking when he’s angry. Every line he delivers is just dripping with heavy handed delivery, I just want to throw a drink in his face and never see him again.

 

We were treated to some pretty fantastic flashbacks of The Young Victoria. She says she was knocked up by her mother’s boyfriend, which is pretty dark even for Revenge(!!!), but I did not expect her to run to a convent for help! Who would have expected The Young Victoria to be a Catholic girl wracked with guilt? You’ve certainly distanced yourself from that past, girl.

 

Of course, all the flashbacks lead to a very dramatic reunion with the nun who took in Victoria’s baby. The storyline and dialogue were pretty fantastic, but I only had eyes for her Burberry Prorsum emerald lace coat during these scenes. I mean, I actually screamed when I first saw. It’s so vibrant and luxurious, I don’t know whether to build a shrine to its beauty or just cry about never owning one. Adding the black gloves and black bag with gold chain was masterful. Clearly, the standout look of the episode and it only had seconds of screen time.

 

So, if every episode was directed like this one, I don’t think I’d be able to handle myself each week. There was so much show, so many visuals and just a sickening amount of dramz. Oh, and to cap it all off, Emily shows up to Victoria’s convent sister and tells her she’s pregnant. I have no idea where she’s going with that, but Sweet Jesus I can’t wait to find out.