Part 1 of 2 – The Original Sharpie

This week on Mommy Dearest  Revenge, Eli seems to have Em’s back as they plot to expose their evil ex-foster mother, but his true colors are soon revealed when we learn he totally framed her for arson back in the day. With Emily occupied, Aiden and Nolan unsuccessfully try save Padma’s father (and by unsuccessfully, we’re talking epic fail), which winds up with both Padma and the Carrion program in The Initiative’s hands. Do we understand why the computer program is so detrimental? No. Does it matter? Not really. Meanwhile, Jack is still on fire, uncovering more intel on the Graysons’ involvement in Fauxmanda’s death. Also: Victoria decides to send her son some bullets via post. All in a day’s work, right Queen Vic?


We wouldn’t have a truly successful episode of Revenge(!!!) without some Red Sharpie usage. Luckily, Mini Em doesn’t make us wait longer than two minutes before applying a red smelly marker (the marker of choice for the under-12 Revenging crowd) to her own father’s face. Now that’s cold. 


Back in modern times, Victoria is dressed to kill (literally, as per usual) in this classic LBD with a green twist. Connie’s OTT nautical outfit is more appropo to captain the Titanic, rather than his political campaign.  

Maybe this ensemble is the reason why Ashley Davenport: lady of the evening/party planner/social climber/personal assistant/polling expert(?) tells Conrad his numbers are dismal. 


Speaking of, the worst orphanage owner this side of Charles Dickens has no idea her days are numbered now that Hansel and Gretel Emily and Eli are on the prowl. Team Double E put on their finest Wealthy Philanthropist drag for their meeting with this wicked witch.

For reals: how beautiful do these two look pulling up in that amazinggg car? 


I am seriously swooning over Em’s “I’m a rich do-gooder” ensemble. The cat-eye glasses and matching pearl earrings/ necklace are the perfect disguise if you want to convince someone that you’re interested in supporting charities that help the families of ex-strippers.  

Would a face like this lie to you? (SPOILER: Yes.)


Later, over at the Stowaway, evil ex-foster mom is about to be presented a big ol’ check, and our favorite manipulators are whispering away. We know this event is momentous because a) Conrad has suited up, and b) Victoria has changed into the blue version of one of her signature dresses. 


And, although I no longer understand her role in the lives of the rich and terrible, Ashley gets MAJOR snaps for the black, leather, sleeveless dress she wore to the Dead Stripper Fund ceremony.  

I mean, I’m not sure that’s how Obama campaigners dressed at events, but girlfriend knows what she’s doing — fashionwise, at least. And to be fair, she’s currently juggling like five different careers while strutting around in 7″ stilettos. Respect.


Speaking of knowing what they’re doing… I love Eli, suave conman that he is. This is a guy who looks fantastic in a suit and knows how to wear a paisley tie. Unfortch, when he reveals that evil ex-foster mother was in fact, evil, she retaliates that Eli, not Amanda, burned down their house. 

Oops. So much for Team Hansel and Gretel.


Forever and always shall Ems now look at Eli like this.

Although, in that fantastic coral, cap-sleeved dress with perfect hair, Eli might not be complaining.




On a side note, did anyone else notice that Eli and Emily’s ex-foster brothers and sisters all grew into models? Maybe there is something to that basement lifestyle after all…

United Colors of Benetton, y’all.


In the end, even though Ems is pissed at him, Eli saves the day and learns the location of Emily’s father’s letters. His information leads Ems straight to everyone’s favorite queen:


Maosn not only owns, wears, and masters (too far?) hipster glasses but also reveals that Victoria has a third, illegitimate child. That sound you heard? The staff writers of Revenge preparing the kitchen sink because this show literally now has EVERYTHING.

Can’t wait for this latest bombshell to deploy over Montauk.