So here’s what you missed on Glee: Santana finds out that Rachel’s man-toy Brody is moonlighting as a gigolo, but Rachel wouldn’t believe her, so she catches him in a honey-trap and Finn punches the guy out. Finn and Schue are still fighting over Emma (really?), but now Finn’s thinking about a teaching career. Is Ryan Murphy doing succession planning? Will Corey Monteith will come back in five years to be the new Schue? Unique and Ryder do battle because Ryder can’t accept Unique as a self-identified transgendered female, but they come to an understanding in the end. Ryder is starting to get texts on Catfish (I’m showing my age by not knowing if that website is real or what it does) from a mysterious girl who just slips out of camera view when we find her in the library. Who is she??? And finally, Blaine throws/plots a return to the Cheerios so that he can sabotage them from within as an inside job on Sue. Who knew Blaine was so devious?

 

Master vs. Commander: the Far Side of the Stage

In a battle of New Directions leaders, young grasshopper Finn on the red team takes on his si-fu Schue in contrasting colors in taking one on the classic Backstreet Boys vs. NSync (‘NSync? I still can’t spell it properly a decade later) battle. Who did it better in the sing-off?

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Well in terms of outfits, I prefer Schue’s effortless cool blue-on-black-on-grey to Finn’s snazzy Danny Zucko-esque red jacket. Small detail is the cut of the pants. While Finn favors skinny hipster jeans of today, Schue’s slight flare was the flavor of 2001, back in the day.

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Yeah, Schue’s all I win, suck it kid!

 

How Sue Sees It

There are just two track suit sightings, but who cares when SUE IS DRESSED AS NICKI MINAJ!!

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Yeah, the giraffe-print dress is something to write home about, but pull focus to her split-color wig. Can you just go to any wig place and get this, or is it a custom job?

 

Becky, too. I love how she’s the only one of the backup dancers who gets her own outfit.

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Unreal. And conclusive proof that Nicki dresses like a cartoon character and will make everyone else look like one, too. I wonder if this is what happens to drag queens? Paging fellow YKYLF staffer Anthony Casey for confirmation.

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Note to Glee writers: please let Sue rap more often. Once a season isn’t enough, unless Jane Lynch’s contract has some weird clause saying she only gets one number per year.

 

Blaine’s Sweater vs. Blaine’s Other Sweaters

First up is a jaunty lavender print with violet cuffs. Winter wear is either too subdued or too overly try-hard vibrant (see “Glee, Actually”), so this shade hits the right note.

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Next, my favorite: this light green checked print paired with a wintergreen cardigan, lined with white piping. Seriously, they need to start making sweater sets for guys and Blaine better model every look. I would buy the entire line.

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And third, we have yet another cardigan, but look at how the tie is so perfectly matched with it. It’s as if that tie was designed expressly for that sweater and no other outfit in the entire world. When the tie print matches the piping of the sweater, that’s how you know the designer was clearly cross-selling.

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Too bad that we’ll see the last of his sweaters for awhile, since he’s now engaged in an inside job bringing the Cheerios down from within.

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He even looks down about it. WMHS cheerleader uniforms are dull. My prediction? Blaine will not bring down Cheerios, but instead win a cheerleading scholarship for college, and continue singing there. Hey, isn’t that what Phil did in college on Modern Family?

 

Alumnus of the Week: Santana

If she had a code name in a spy thriller, it would be “Mexican Third Eye”, an ability she says she has. I can only assume this is why she was so effortlessly dressed this week. Observe her cool vest and effortless hair and jewels when she first confronts Rachel on Brody’s many absences.

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It’s no-nonsense, get-down-to-business, practical and tell-it-like-it-is, like our chica.

 

We then see her call out Brody when she rocks out “Cold Hearted Snake”. Essentially, she wore an updated version of Paula Abdul’s outfit in the original vid. NAILED IT. 

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The only thing missing is the cap Paula rocked in her clip. Can you believe it has been twenty-five years since she recorded that song??

 

And finally we see her in a tense conversation with Rachel and Kurt. While those two took a bit of a backseat this week, I have to give Santana props for changing out of the spy look and into something more appropriate for a stern talk/PTA meeting. But given how Rachel and Kurt are two teenagers letting their hormones dictate them, someone’s got to talk some sense into them. Leave it to the power lesbians to show Will & Grace, Junior Edition who’s boss. (Actually, I think that was a real episode of Will & Grace.)

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New Rachel vs. Old Rachel

Someone should tell Marley that macramé should be used as a craft, not for knitting sweaters. This isn’t hipster, it isn’t retro, it’s just unfortunate. And it looks itchy.

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Now let’s take a gander at Real Rachel killing it in this coat, bag, and boot combo.

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It was still snowing in New York last week I heard, so there’s still time to sport this look out before spring. Hurry, everyone! Although she wasn’t on spy duty like her pal Mexican Third Eye, Rachel could do a live action version of Rocky and Bullwinkle as Natasha, da?

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Best Dressed

Brody, the “cold hearted snake” himself. In a suit. That is all.

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Unique: Wonder Woman

Her spirit animal, clearly, is Effie from Dreamgirls by way of Hairspray. Ryder, what’s your problem? Check the way Artie’s arm is loving her leopard print coat and effortlessly chic outfit. And check Unique rocking the heels!

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Wait, I was wrong. Her spirit animal is Andre Leon Talley of Vogue.

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I mean, who else would wear a Burberry nova check pashmina as a cape to a tense meeting? No one, that’s who. This reminds me of fall of 2009 when Andre’s comment “it’s a famine of beauty!” was my ringtone. Someone should bring this back for spring in place of coats and call it the “Quentin Crisp”.

What did you all think, Gleeks? Will we see more pashminas from Unique? Will Blaine destroy the Cheerios? Will Finn and Schue make up? And who can verify if Catfish is real?