Part 1 of 3: Papa(s) Don’t Preach

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Sue’s in cahoots with another show choir, using hairography to succeed long before Willow Smith opened her tiny, irritating mouth. Quinn considers adoption, all because Puck sexted Santana. Kurt dresses Rachel up as a hooker clown to put Finn off, but Berry serves it back by pointing out she’ll always have the better chance with Finn because she’s a girl. Burn!

 

This week on The Bachelorette, we have two contenders for the title of Baby Daddy Fabray. In the blue corner, please welcome Finn Hudson!

Finn enjoys watching paint dry and the non-colour khaki!

“Why should I be baby daddy Fabray? Well, I wear lots of plaid, like responsible father and anti-house husband Rufus Humphrey. I even coordinate it with my t-shirt sometimes!”

 

“I’d be really good at supporting Quinn and the baby, because I’m so thrifty. I wear the same shirt over t-shirt combo all the time and drive my recapper to despair!”

“If you want a straight up, bore-you-to-tears in a polo shirt guy, I’m him. Did I mention my frequent shopper discount at American Eagle?”

 

Thank you, Finn, for those monotonous ensembles, but now onto more serious (and sexy) matters. In the red corner, please welcome Noah Puckerman!

“Well, first I know that a little black outfit isn’t just for the ladies. I rock a black sweatshirt, undo a few buttons and they flock to the Puck like flies to unattended food.”

“And sure, I wear plaid, but it says something about me. I’m grey clouds, I’m storm-tossed, I’m deep. I can’t use an iron.”

 

“When I wear something like a Henley, I understand that contrast matters. It can’t just be grey, man. It’s gotta have black accents. They’ve gotta pop, like my biceps!”

“I play guitar. That’s hot. And I wear powder blue plaid over a wife-beater and don’t look like a hobo, although I like to think I still have the teen dad je ne sais quoi.”

 

“Did I mention I’m on the football team? No? Well, this letter jacket mentions it for me. It saves the wardrobe department having to think up another look for me, since every one is so original. What’s the big deal about me sexting with Santana while babysitting with Quinn?”

 

Now onto the girl who puts the ‘Oh’ in Ohio, Miss Quinn Fabray!

In case you didn’t know, I love Quinn. She’s like the Taylor Swift of McKinley High: a demure dresser, a lover of pink and pastels with the dirtiest dating history in town.

 

Terri still wants Quinn’s baby as she keeps forgetting to tell Will she’s not really pregnant. This makes Quinn blue — literally. Her twee raincoat with its big white buttons and stitching would be chic with heels but surprisingly goes well with a plain white blouse and jeans.

 

This blurry picture demonstrates two things I admire about Quinn, one of which is she’s recycling the floral top I fell in love with an episode agp.

Thing number two is the hair porn, specifically the braid porn. Je l’adore!

 

In her spare time, Quinn is an extra on Nashville. This marine blue is lovely on her, but the ruching on her shirt awkwardly scoots her boobs down a couple of inches. Not a good look.

 

Another beautiful braid for our yummy mommy, who has taken a leaf out of fake mommy Terri’s book and is wearing salmon. Who wore it better, readers?

 

What Quinn wears best of all is pastels, chunky lilac cable-knit and crinkly florals paired with a death stare. It seems like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, because she wouldn’t risk the calories, and then she’d knife you in the neck for serving her butter.

More to the point, what a darling cardigan!

 

Sadly, I’m here to criticise as well as compliment, and there’s that cardigan with the weird, out-of-place green flower back again. The pale yellow and cream are too little girlie; Dianna Agron is fiercely pretty, but you forget that when she’s been dressed like a five year old and it suddenly feels wrong to find her attractive.

 

Much better! If HRH Queen B of Gossip Girl taught us anything, it’s that fit is better than flesh. This fresh white and blue dress hugs Quinn’s tiny waist and the neat little shrug saves it from being beachy and adds another texture. Simple and sweet.