Asleep, facedown, in the popcorn

So, you didn’t really miss anything on Glee. The glue that binds us this week is movies, and in the aftermath of Will and Emma’s non-wedding, Will finds Emma and they talk about maybe getting back together. The New York crew are snowed in and we still don’t know why Brody is carrying around wads of cash, or if Rachel is actually preggers. Marley confesses that she kissed Rider on Valentine’s Day; Jake says nothing and walks away. Finn tells Will that he kissed Emma; Will says nothing and walks away. Had this been an actual movie, I would have been ticked that I spent $25 just to take a nap.

 

 

Best Blair Waldorf-Style Dream Sequence

I have a confession to make: I love Fred Astaire movies. LOVE. THEM. And this Royal Wedding throwback is the bees knees. Maybe we should only see Will and Emma in fantasy mode if they’re going to go all tops and tails…

 

…instead of Mr. Schue going all Rufus Humphrey on us.

Do you think that once GG wrapped they sent those Brooklyn hand-me-downs to Finn and Will? I honestly think those two just passed clothes back and forth this episode. Are you really that hard up, fellas? I could throw a rock in Goodwill and find better outfits for you…

I also expected a Dynasty-style slap fest when Finn told Will that he kissed Emma. Instead, we got the look that your dad gave you that one time you broke into the liquor cabinet in high school. It wasnt even locked…

YAWN.

 

On the plus side, Emma’s outerwear rocks my world. It looks so luxe and the color compliments her hair and complexion perfectly. Will, on the other hand, looks like he’s about to flash you — like that guy in the park that I’ll take the long way around just to avoid seeing the crown jewels.

 

Best Sweater Vest

The McKinley gang breaks into a spontaneous rendition of “Shout” in the hallway (obvs…) at the suggestion of Blaine’s black and white piped sweater vest. 

Blaine always looks like he should be working in a 50’s style diner, but who else could pull off a pink vest and rolled up skinny jeans?

 

While we’re at it, how great does Sugar look in this sequence?

Sorry, that’s the best shot I could get — those kids move quickly! The fuchsia blouse looks glam with that faux-fur cropped vest and dark skinny jeans.

 

 

I usually think she dresses like Janice from the Muppets brought to life, but that outfit is kinda my jam.

 

Worst Sweater Vest

What in holy hell is this? Artie, I hope to GOD you have a sweet old grandmother who knits these monstrosities for you, but an astrologically themed vest?! I nearly choked on my popcorn. I think we may need to get Kurt and Santana to come back to stage an intervention.

 

Speaking of which, can we do one for Tina also? These mod dropcloths do nothing for her, and girlfriend has a wicked figure! Stop hiding it!

 

Most Literal Costume Choice

The guys do a mash-up of “Danger Zone” and “Old Time Rock and Roll” from Top Gun and Risky Business, respectively. We get it. You watched the movies.

 

Most Tenuous Link

We don’t see much of the New York gang this week, unfortunately, but it’s totally worth it when we do. Santana rocks this wrap vest like no one else, and shows off her curves amazingly. I would never look this good being snowed in.

 

There, that’s what I would look more like, only with more disheveled hair.

 

I’m loving Kurt’s loungewear, too. Snaps for the casual glitter. Did anyone else notice how the gang coordinated their outfits? Even Token British Guy. Neutrals all around!

 

Santana undoes the vest, and pauses Moulin Rouge to drop some knowledge on Brody, Possible Drug Dealer. Personally, I think he’s a male escort, but let’s call a spade a spade and agree that the dude is sketch-balls.

 

Back in Lima, the girls do their lazy “mash-up” with Moulin Rouge’s version of “Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend” (see, I got to the link eventually), looking like Marilyn a la Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

Though the hair is a little beauty pageant for me, this dress is universally flattering. Costume crew take note: LOOK AT TINA’S BOD!

 

But are those… clear bra straps?!?!

FOR SHAME!

 

Rachel’s Melodramatic Sob of the Week

No singing from Rachel this week, but we do get the climax of the “is she/isn’t she knocked up” saga. Santana barges in from a day on the town in the most inappropriate snow gear I’ve ever seen. I do like the moto jacket though.

 

Brazen as ever, she confronts Rachel about the pregnancy test she uncovered while rifling through the trash. And though Rachel doesn’t confirm or deny the presence of a mini-drama queen, this face says it all:

SPOILER ALERT: You don’t make this face when you’re a freshman in college and the test is negative — you head to the nearest bar and dance on the tables.