And by “the Oscars” we mean “a handful of dresses spotted on the red carpet”…
Ritchie: I can see the headlines: “Worldwide Shortage of Ruffles Due to Amy Adams’s Dress”. Ann: Where else other than the Oscars can you get away with something this OTT? The subtle colour and raw edges on the ruffles keep it from being too twee. Kim: Theydo keep it from being too “princessey”. And we all know she can princess with the best of them. L-A: I particularly like the dove grey colour, although I wish her hair was a bit more structured. A soft dress seems like it needs more than soft hair.
Ann: I’d like to thank my agent, my husband, and my nerps. L-A: And every agent in Hollywood. And 2001 for my neckline. Oh gosh. I’m so honoured. Lauren H: I wore this same dress to my junior prom. Are we sure it didn’t come from Sears circa 2000? L-A: I had this as a bridesmaids dress in 2002! Kim: That’s because this IS a bridesmaid’s dress. And not the kind you can “totally wear again”. Ann: The dress she wore during the Les Mis performance was way better than this. Too bad this is what she wore to win — it’ll be what everyone remembers when she’s dressed better at basically every other awards show this year.
Carla: It’s a mix between a Calvin Klein ad and a Lady Gaga music video, what with the hair and the neckline. Ritchie: Didn’t Annie Lennox rock this in 1985? Bella: Didn’t Anne Hathaway rock this a few weeks ago? Kim: This is definitely a repeat of A-Hath at the Golden Globes, but I like her a ton more than A-Hath, ergo, I love this. It’s simple and classy. Y’all back off.
Jen: Do I love this because it stands out in a sea of chiffon? Do I hate it because it’s so 1978? Or do I love it for the same reason? This dress. It gives me many feelings. Bethany: Halle can work those exaggerated shoulders like nobody’s business. It totally gives me great feelings. Ann: It def stands out in a sea of tulle, but this is just not my jam. She’s so pillar-like. Ritchie: She’s the Metropolis robot come to life. A force to be reckoned with. In other words, I love it. Kim: Only someone as smokin’ hot as Halle could pull this off. It is a bit disco-tastic but, is different from everyone else while still being appropes for the Oscars. Ten times better than her Globes travesty.
Ritchie: Now yours for $99.99! Seriously though, big points for the beautiful silhouette, jewels, softened hair and makeup, and the fact that the dress is budget-friendly. That being said, it does look a little… wrinkled, in places? Lauren H: I can only hope to look half this good when I’m 50. Can’t believe the dress is H&M, although I agree it needs a steamer. Kim: Big props for wearing a bargain dress to the Oscars, but it’s so safe. Again with the bridesmaids dress, plus that folded band across the boobs… I HATE that boob fold on dresses! Ann: Well, I have had an irrational hatred of Helen Hunt since Mad About You, and therefore cannot provide an objective opinion. L-A: Ann, that’s how I feel about Andie MacDowell. The colour is fantastic though. Overall, there’s nothing exciting about this, but there’s not much to snark on, either.
Ann: I’m too distracted with the 1970s Cher weave to even think about the dress. Kim: I was thinking the same thing! Love the color, but it’s so… yeah. Cher. Or possibly mermaid. Bethany: Exactly. This pattern is a so scale-y. Ritchie: Maybe next year she’ll star in Tyler Perry’s remake of Moonstruck and sing all the opera parts herself?
Carla: Although she reminded me of a meringue, I must give snaps for beautiful makeup and well-styled hair. Ann: Luv. Huh. This reminds me of the grown up version of a Barbie dress. Kim: The texture! It’s sort of a pressed flower print — so cool! The styling is wicked, simple but elegant. Ok, basically I love her and she can do no wrong. Ritchie: I thought to myself when I first saw her, “homecoming queen is going to trip when she gets her crown” …and then she actually did. L-A: I don’t think this was homecoming queen at all. I wondered how she’d sit, but she got front row, so there was room for the dress. Anyway, there’s a lot to love here — the colour isn’t quite pink or quite white. The top is insanely flattering. And if you’re going to win an Oscar, go big or go home.
Kim: Damn, Jess! This is a tough colour for most people to pull off but J-Chas nails it. Love the bare neckline and red lip. And I want to shave off her hair and make myself a wig. L-A: Disagree on the dress color. I wish it was more gold or a colour. This fades into her skin, and that always creeps me out. Ann: She’s my girl, and celebrity hair icon. Like, that is some Rosewood-level gorgeous waves. I actually think the dress is just warm enough to keep from blending into her skin as a more traditional nude would. Ritchie: Rita Hayworth is her spirit animal. A complete knockout.
Ritchie: Star Trek: the Australian Outback. Ann: This I like. As with Halle, it stands out for being different, but unlike Halle, its flattering as hell. Lauren H: This is probably my favorite from the whole night. I don’t think many people can pull of completely silver sequined dresses. Her hair, make-up and jewelry are all perfect too. Lusting over here. L-A: Sexy cyborg, but in a good way. She won the battle of sparkly Aussies last night.