Flowers On a Grave

Emma’s spends the episode trying to convince herself she doesn’t reget sleeping with Thayer. This isn’t made any easier when Laurel tells Ethan to go after Emma, and Ethan shows up in Emma’s room and kisses her. Rebecca reveals to Sutton that she planted the evidence on Alec. Jordan’s Dark Mysterious Past is slowly being revealed, although he still won’t tell Mads exactly what he’s done. But, most importantly, Rebecca sees Alec and Kristen kissing and tells Ted, and gets what she’s been waiting for — a drunken kiss from Ted. Also, in mystery news, someone’s been leaving flowers on Derek’s grave, and Theresa is sure that it’s the guilty party. After the rehearsal dinner, she stakes out the grave and sees someone — we don’t know who — leaving the flowers. But, given how the camera zooms in on Theresa saying “You?!’ all shocked, I’m guessing she’s uncovered the real identity of A. Wait. Wrong show.

 

Poor Emma. This is the face of a girl who’s just woken up alone after losing her virginity.

 

It’s okay, Emma! Thayer didn’t ditch you! It’s just that, when he’s asleep, he can’t control his chameleon powers. He’s still there, he’s just blending in with the sheets.

Isn’t that better? No? Are you regretting losing your v-card to a man-chameleon hybrid? Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.

 

Thayer and Emma have a yogurt post-sex date that night, and Emma looks downright demure in her belted floral dress.

Don’t get me wrong, this is adorable, but it’s probably the most conservative thing we’ve ever seen Emma in. I’m guessing she had to dig deep into Sutton’s Magic Closet to find it. Sutton’s probably only worn this once, to Easter brunch at the club.

 

Emma goes to see Thayer at work, again looking very buttoned up in her (dare we say virginal?) white lace top.

Emma. Pumpkin. Chill. I know you’re probably freaking out because you promised yourself you’d only sleep with one guy that Sutton’s also slept with, and you picked the wrong one. But I promise you, no one will think less of you for breaking your rule and hooking up with Ethan in a few episodes. I mean, it’s Ethan, bringer of the Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness with a side of Soulful Intense Staring. We all get it. So undo a button or two, stop looking so damned conflicted, and be happy that your first time was in a bed and not on a pile of blankets in the Squatter House.

 

Ethan, can you please set her straight?

My point exactly. Thank you.

 

Even with a concealed carry permit for those guns, Ethan still looks smoking hot.

With his usual t-shirts and henleys, it’s easy to forget how well Ethan cleans up. Our favorite look for Ethan is of the less-is-more variety, but we won’t send him packing if he shows up in our room dressed like this.

 

This is not one of Laurel’s better episodes, fashion-wise. The highlight is probably her cute sleepwear, which we only see briefly.

For real, this is as good as it gets for Laurel this episode.

 

Case in point:

Nothing about this is flattering. It destroys her waistline. It’s doing wildly unflattering things to her bust. The color of the top is meh. The pleating on the skirt is way too wide, and the skirt is too structured for that top. Definitely a miss. The skirt could have been salvageable with a different top, but that halter monstrosity should be burned immediately.

 

To perform at Dan and Theres’a rehearsal dinner, Laurel breaks out a very LSwift frock. I’m not entirely sure how different it is from one of her nightgowns.

We’ve seen Laurel in dresses like this several times, and I’m just not a fan. The girl has curves, and these dresses don’t do her any favors.

 

Most impressive about this ensemble is the giant ring she’s wearing.

Laurel may be crying to Mads about her parents’ divorce, but you know that deep down, Mads is excited to have unlimited access to Sutton and Laurel’s seemingly endless collection of accessories. When Mads is finally betrayed by Jordan, a huge ring will look great as she slaps him.

 

And really, Laurel should be excited too. It won’t be a one-way street. Mads brings with her an impressive collection of giant purses.

Seriously, that bag is so big, she could nest inside it. Maybe it’s because I just did a ton of Stats homework, but I think it’s time to start tracking Mads’ purse to hair ratio. Her hair is relatively flat here, and her purse is gigantic. I think that, when she’s having a bad hair day, she stores her secrets in a comically oversized purse.

 

Further proof: some slight lift at the crown, a midsized hobo bag. All to hide her night of white wine and bonding with Ethan from Emma.

No one looks as good in grey as Mads. Such a cute, simple outfit. The shape is getting a little familiar — we’ve seen this belted v-neck style on her several times this season, but it’s so flattering on our wee little lollipop that I really can’t complain.

 

For the rehearsal dinner, Mads looks smoking hot in a wine colored slip dress.

For real, this girl is flawless. The dress is sexy but understated, and the jewelry keeps the whole look perfect for a rehearsal dinner at the Whitehorse trailer.

 

As for her love interest/stepbrother Jordan — you can call him sexy, but understated? Not a chance. I mean, he has pink golfing gloves.

The guy is basically Arizona’s answer to Scott Disick.

 

I had a theory a couple weeks ago that, much like Mads, Kristen was hiding all her secrets under her giant tunics and dresses. Now that her Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain is out in the open, the wardrobe department has invested in some skinny jeans to go with her drapey tops.

I really can’t criticize this outfit — it’s pretty much exactly what my mom would wear to lunch at the country club she belongs to.

 

However, what I can criticize: making out with Alec in the middle of the damned country club.

In the background? CHAIRS. FROM THE PORCH. OF THE COUNTRY CLUB. Come on, you guys. At least sneak off to the woods by the tenth hole before you start necking.

 

You know what Rebecca’s thinking right now?

“You guys are making it too easy for me.” And we agree. We’re also thrilled to see the skinny jeans have made their way into Rebecca’s closet, along with this cute striped top. So much more flattering than her usual matronly (or too sexy) dresses.

 

It’s a rare episode when we get through nearly the entire recap without once mentioning Sutton, but our girl doesn’t get many costume changes. In fact, she spends most of the episode wearing this:

Love the brights together, and it’s much more believable that Sutton would wear these saffron jean cutoffs than the denim shorts we’ve seen her in before.

 

 

 

 

The only part of the outfit that gives us pause are the accessories.

Because, really, Sutton — while it’s impressive that you found earrings and a ring that matched your outfit, the flower motif is more than a little too matchy-matchy. If the earrings had been tangerine-colored studs, this would 100% be amazing. But flower earrings and a flower ring … it kind of looks like you’ve taken to shopping at Claire’s. Then again, with that giant heart locket you wore a few weeks ago, maybe we’re not that far off-base.

 

Let’s wrap up the recap with some Thayer-watch, shall we? This week, Thayer defies the odds — despite wearing a uniform, he still manages to find a way to match the background.

I guess you could say he’s really tie-d to that door. Get it? Because his tie is the exact same color as the door?

Seriously, the wardrobe people have to be doing this on purpose, right?