Everyone is descending upon Lima for the Big Wedding — Emma and Will are tying the knot on Valentine’s Day! But Finn “accidentally” kissed Emma in the last episode, and is feeling super guilty, and so what does he do? He meets Rachel for coffee and confesses. Rachel, too absorbed in her own New York Fabulousness to care, brushes it off. A lot of people hook up with a lot of people, including Artie and Emma’s niece Betty, Quinn and Santana (!!!), Finchel (!?!?), and Blurt. Emma pulls a total Runaway Bride and peaces out before she even makes it down the aisle, and Will is heartbroken, but the reception carries on. Rachel returns to New York, where she and Brody lie to one another about having been alone on V-Day, and the episode ends with Rachel taking a home pregnancy test.

 

Best Sass-Off of the Week

Artie meets his match in Betty Pillsbury, Emma’s sharp-tongued niece who claims not to date “losers in chairs.” Artie doesn’t take no for an answer, though, and steps up to plate with some wit of his own and his goofy charm on the dance floor at the wedding reception. Sassy, and then d’awwww….

Our boy has left the sweatervest at home, too! So proud. Love the scarf! And Betty is werking the red dress and curls. However, I’m reluctant about the furry bolero. It appears to have been made out of Snuffalupagus pelt, and I’m not sure where the brown fits in with the ensemble.

 

Oh there we go, much better! A lilac leather jacket with soft flowy hair is super springy and cute! But, oh, Artie. That may be the most boring vest you’ve ever worn. Maybe Betty will take you shopping?

 

Best Stressed Award

Emma. Poooooor Emma. Poor hyperventilating, terrified Emma. I love this plum/wine/mulberry color on her though, and the matching belt against a cream skirt is really kind of neat and Mad Men-y of her. I did spend several minutes trying to figure out what the sparkly, circular brooch is in the center of her bow. It’s… distracting.

 

 

 

On the upswing, though, Emma’s pretty wedding dress is so Duchess of Cambridge!

A pity she ruins the train by hopping into a cab and slamming the door with half of it still hanging out the side.

 

Worst of the Gay Wardrobe

What what what are you doing? Kurt appears to be wearing a human-sized doggy sweater (the size of that knit is stunning!) and Blaine is in so much white I’m worried about his teeth maybe looking a little yellow by contrast. And TINA. Tiiiiina. We made great strides in the “Diva” episode and now this faux-Hot Topic monstrosity? One step forward, twelve steps back, Tina.

 

Best of the Gay Wardrobe

Santana as usual, takes the cake on sultry perfection… but this week she is joined by (surprise!) Quinn, who has seized an opportunity to experiment and give Santana’s team a try. For the wedding itself, Santana keeps it simple with a dark faux-fur jacket over her bombshell dress, and matching red lips. Quinn, ever the retro-inspired icon, wears a sparkly, rainbow-fractured Alice + Olivia jacket over her gown that seems a little bright for a wedding in February, in my opinion, but I like how weird and fun it is nonetheless.

Afterwards, at the reception….

Va-va-VOOM, ladies. Their combined snarky powers are almost too much to handle. Quinn is cool as a cucumber in that Kate Spade dress, despite Santana’s curiosity about what’s really going on in her head, and they respectively rock their shades of red and rose.

 

And ALL RIGHT, our boys make up for their weird sweater transgressions by looking phenomenal in suits. And belting Depeche Mode. I’ll just say what everyone’s thinking: I miss Blurt, and I just can’t get enough!

 

City Girl in the Country Award

Rachel everlovin’ Berry seems to be permanently posing these days, like she’s fighting for her life on ANTM. Points for the purrrrfect bangs, but I grow weary of her self-indulgent smirks and head tilts. I really like this red Ted Baker coat, although it’s a bit much to wear for a coffee meet-up with your Significantly Ex-Significant Other in your little hometown.

 

Melodramatic Solo Duet Group Song of the Week

Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonite” as sung by Finchel at the wedding reception (ugh, who picked this song?) which then turns into a Majestic Montage of Wedding Hook-Ups.

Rachel’s gardenia Zarita dress for the wedding is lacy, bodycon, and has a visible gold zip up the back. Muy risqué for a wedding, I think, but I guess appropriate if you’re one of the wedding singers. Which, of course, she is. I like the color on her, too.

Bear in mind also that she pairs it with sparkly white heels. Le quoi?

And, oh, Finchel…. is it wrong to still ship it, even when I’ve lost all respect for Rachel as a human being and she totally destroyed Finn’s sense of self? I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY, YOU GUYS.

So. What on EARTH is going to happen next? Where did Emma even GO when she ditched the altar? And although Quinn said she’s still str8, will she go gay for Santana again? SO MANY QUESTIONS.