Part 1 of 2: State of the Union

Emily is having all kinds of feelings this week and none of them involve a red Sharpie. She has to watch Fauxmanda marry her childhood sweetheart on the beach and she gets her Revenging (!!!) ass dumped in a pauper’s cemetary when Aiden’s feelings (so many feelings this week) over his dead sister have him questioning his Revenging (!!!) ways. And we get a bit of backstory on Aiden (Dad loaded the bomb on the plane). Conrad is making deals with one devil, while Victoria is trying to get Daniel out of deals with another. Emily’s writing cheques to get Jack and Fauxmanda back on their feet, but it looks like another kind of Revenge (!!!) is going to put an end to that. And friends, I did not expect to see Helen go down so soon or so unceremoniously. Can she pull a Lydia and bounce back from that gunshot wound? 

 

Emily kicks off a busy two days in the Hamps with some delightful Revenge Casual wear. 

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A sleeveless peplum with some great jeans really is a great way to kick back on a summer day and take stock of your feelings for your childhood sweetheart, who, quite frankly, you need to get over already.

 

I mean, you’ve got the hot British guy, the handsome, wealthy but dumb boy next door, and the loyalty of your best dressed bestie. Do you really need the barkeep too? Probably not. Let Fauxmanda have that one and focus on how great you look in this Rachel Roy jacket.

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What could have been your average blazer for snooping around old warehouses and cemetaries is totally taken up a notch by the detailing on those shoulders. Seriously, check this detail: 

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Fantastic.

Although Ems is getting dumped in the middle of a cemetary from a Brontë novel, she can always take solace in having amazing hair that withstands the mist. Also, she’s got that jacket. Plus, considering Aiden’s lethal capabilities, he let her down (comparitively) easily.

 

Is this the last we’ll see of our office ninja?

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OK, I don’t know how he snuck into Nolan’s office undetected (does Nolan not have staff to notify him of these things? Or does Aiden make a habit of sneaking in through the air vents and office windows?), but he does so by looking suave in his own version of office casual. Instead of his usual 007 style, he goes for leather jacket that is far more appropriate for sneaking into places. 

 

I’d like to pause here for a moment and discuss this:

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You’re kidding me, right? There is no way it’s that easy to get into the Laptop of Secrets. Emily somehow knew that Fauxmanda was going to pull this stunt, that’s my only guess. Otherwise, Revenge (!!!) Sensei should have taught a class in password protection along with Karate and Advanced Drowning Memory Retrieval Techniques. 

 

Nolan, on the other hand, is going for something a little more conservative this week. 

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I mean, conservative by Nolan standards. There’s only one collar and it isn’t popped. This shirt is, however, polka dotted ina way that usually only a J. Crew male model can pull off. And I love the subtle detail on the edge of his lapel. The costume department on this show is all about the subtle detail and I give them major golf claps for that. I never notice just how amazing things are until I take a second look. Well played, costume department. 

 

And well played again in this look for Ashley.

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We love Ashley to pieces and, I don’t know about you, have the sads about how under-appreciated her schemes are on this show (give the girl a plot line already!). But our love for her is why she gets a pop of safety orange on her chartreuse. I have no idea how it works, but it does. And it’s why she gets that fantastic tassel of a necklace. And dollars to donuts, if we could see her shoes I guarantee we’d swoon. 

 

Now for a character we don’t care about.

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Yep. This REISS dress is much like my semi-formal frock from 1994. It didn’t do me any favours then and it’s not doing the World’s Worst Spy any favours now. I dig the Tiffany bracelet, but it can’t save that dress. Take a longer look:

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How it didn’t put Nolan into a coma right away, we’ll never know. I mean, look at him in those skinny khakis and fantastic shoes. Now look at her in a dress that really should be retired and a colour that inspires no one. Can The Initative dispense with her already? 

 

Speaking of our friends over at The Initiative, holy crap! Does evil ever look good on Helen!

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That black and white number kills me. Super profesh and all business, perfect for plotting to take down the Graysons and finally take over the world. I’m also glad she’s taking this rare trip into actual daylight (a supervillain can’t spend all her time lurking around limos and secret video surveillance rooms).

 

Meanwhile in a house that seems to consist of 50% sunny windows and 50% extraneous walls for eavesdropping around, all is not well at the Grayson compound. That being said, Queen V’s cleave is having an excellent day.

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Also? The colour is fantastic on her pale self.

 

So much better than flashback Victoria in beige.

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That’s taking skin tone to a whole new level. I’m glad she’s learned about colour since the demise of David Clarke.

 

I can only assume her sour look over breakfast is directed at her son.

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Please Daniel, the GTL style belongs on a different shoreline, in a different state. Also, if you own a major corporation and you hate your parents, don’t you think you’d look into buying (or even renting) your own place instead of crashing at home? It would save you the passive aggressive moments with mom over breakfast. And your mom wouldn’t overhear all your conversations with Evil Helen.

 

It’s to our advantage that she does, because it makes for Dramatic Entrances into Conrad’s study.

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I don’t know how Victoria wears this dress so early in the day, but I like to think she’s like the Dowager Countess on Downton Abbey and is unaware of things like weekends and mornings. Overall, snaps for this dress.

 

But negative snaps for this daytime black as it makes her look a bit Morticia.

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That being said, I bet I’d like this more if I could see more detail. There are hints that it might be fantastic, but Evil Helen is the only one who gets a full view of the dress on The Initiative Cam.

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Daniel, I’m going to blame you for global warming. Not because Grayson Global is somehow behind it (which it probably is), but because of this outfit.

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A three piece, wool suit? In the summer? Really? Get some linen and turn down the A/C my friend. The vest looks frigging fantastic on you, but save it for after the Season. 

 

Same goes for you, Connie. 

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Fanstastic tie. The pattern is sharp. But the thick suit is not really necessary, especially since you’re busy dealing with the riffraff of Montauk. They won’t judge you if you wear the wealthy man’s version of casual. I swear they won’t.

 

I mean, just look at the Stowaway brothers.

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Sigh. If it weren’t for Charlotte in that glorious pop of orange lace, that would be the most schlubby scene ever to exist in the history of television. But those hoodies are partly why Jack and Fauxmanda are MFEO (Made For Each Other). 

 

Amanda’s come a long way from her days of maternity Daisy Dukes, but when it comes to style, her beach casual is more on his level.

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That’s why I support him falling butt crazy in love for the girl he thinks is the girl he loved when he was ten (he is going to be so confused when the truth comes out), because those hoodies would not look so hot next to Emily’s mad steez.