“Use that finger, use that snap.”
A “diva off” and “NYADA Midnight Madness” in one episode? Oh, the kids had a busy week my friends. If it wasn’t for the opulence of the runway sequence to “Diva”, I would petition Ryan Murphy to just chop the Ohio bit of Glee right now. Between the life affirming lessons and the Muppet Babies level story-lines coming out of McKinley, it’s obvious that Glee’s future is in New York. Finn tries desperately to unleash the inner divas of the club, while Kurt is fixin’ to take down the newly-crowned queen, Rachel Berry. Between musical interludes, Emma throws a serious fit about wedding planning because girlfriend can’t make a decision and Finn, bless his dopey heart, thinks kissing her will calm the nerves. They are so lucky Santana is back for this episode, or my television would have been on the business end of a glass of wine.
Song of the Week
Naturally, I have to give it to Rachel & Kurt dueling on “Bring Him Home” from Les Miz. Like Kurt said, a little catfight keeps a friendship fresh, though I don’t remember any of mine ending up in a clandestine midnight singing competition. They both dressed to kill with Kurt looking the most polished he’s been in a long time. I love the scarf, I love the devil-may-care open collar, and I am living for his grey suit.
Not to be outdone, Rachel looks gorgeous in her sequined ombré cocktail dress. It’s got the right amount of flow without looking like she’s about to hit the club. Unfortch for Rachel, that’s the best look she had this week since everything else was black and knitted. Honestly, losing one little singing contest does not justify you abandoning what was becoming a fierce ass wardrobe.
Best Fashunz of the Week
It’s a tie, y’all! Who could decide between Kurt and Santana? Don’t answer that. I’ll admit that Kurt wasn’t getting 10s across the board, but these two looks are so on the mark that I may have finger waved at my television. First, that polka-dot merlot shirt under the simple black cardigan? Fantastic. It’s chic, it’s simple and he is making it werk like a blender at brunch.
However, the real winner for me was this beautiful blue shirt and distressed denim, perfectly complemented by a weather approps pea coat (take note, Pretty Little Liars elite). It’s quite a plain look for Kurt without any of his usual flamboyant touches, but I think it still captures his personality.
Of course, put Kurt next to Santana in this ultra sexy fuchsia body-con dress and all eyes are on her. I mean, these dresses are so simple that it takes a serious diva to make one look couture – and you know this broad from Lima Heights is the only Glee kid who could pull it off. Her golden necklace is brilliant and hangs just perfectly. That lil’ bit of shine next to that colour makes me swoon. Thankfully, Santana’s hair is thick enough to cushion my fall.
Best “She Turned The Party!” Moment
Can I just say that as a drag queen, I got my life from the “Diva” sequence. The dresses, the attitude, the face, the walk… it was everything! Some of the gals didn’t quite make the cut — I’m looking at you, Marley and Kitty. I didn’t include them here because Marley looked like a sad aerobics instructor who failed yet another So You Think You Can Dance? audition, and Kitty was writhing on the ground in a dress that did not deserve such skankery. You’re supposed to be a diva, and unless your name is Mariah Carey and you have a luxurious bed with silk linens caressing your curves, you do not wriggle like a dying mermaid on the stage.
That being said, clock these divas before…
And after their makeovers. I think it’s clear that Unique turned the party this week; as if there was going to be a doubt. Brittany looks like the oldest contestant on Toddler & Tiaras; Blaine’s look isn’t too bad, but I didn’t see even a hint of hell; Tina’s dress is fierce as all hell, but that hair looks like she swept it up at the Westminster Dog Show. Miss Thang, Unique just owns everything in this golden gown. The attitude is in place and the fur is in your face. Give this gurl a 10, judges!
Worst “Prime of Miss Jean Brodie” Collection
Emma Pilsbury gets a lot of shade from the YKYLF staff… AND SO SHE SHOULD. I don’t even know where to start. Wait, yes I do: that pink nightmare she thought was passable outside of a Polly Pocket playset. It’s just that J.Crew pencil skirt and the Nana-esque sweater with the bubblegum peasant collar – do you want me to die? Her tribute to green and orange isn’t much better, but at least it’s not assaulting my retinas.
I’m sad to be hating on Emma this week because the jade pencil and black/blue mod patterned skirts were just lovely. I’m just OVA this endless parade of kate spade sweaters, y’all. I suppose trying to plan a full wedding in a week is getting to her. And that kiss with Finn. Jesus, what the hell was that about? Emma, 5-Gs: good god gurl, get a grip.
Most “Who Knew He Was Into Leather?” Look
I guess Blaine’s been exploring his interests since he and Kurt split, because this is not an outfit you have “just lying around”. Then again, Blaine does seem to have an absurd amount of costumes at his disposal. At any rate, this literally made me laugh out loud when they cut to Blaine throwing a ridiculously kinky homage to Freddie Mercury. I miss this tongue in cheek humour from Glee. Stop trying to teach me a lesson and just be campy already!
Worst Exampes of NYADA Bitches
These two queens are the worst. Anyone who can look Rachel Berry in the eye and say, “But you’re Barbra’s heir apparent” needs to get slapped with a reality check the size of New Jersey. When Kurt read these bitches down, I most definitely said “Amen!”
Most “Gurrrrrrrllllllllll…” Moment of the Week
Tina Cohen-Chang, you have got to figure your shit out, gurl. I’m thrilled she finally won something (as was Britney), but a diva does not wear some awful colour blocked rag that spreads your shoulders like peanut butter. It reminds me of a bowling ball which, you know, are so attractive. This is the look of a girl who’s convinced she can enjoy a “sexless relationship” with gay male best friend. I’m glad they wrapped that plot up because I can’t even deal with that bullshit. Clock that disaster next to her “Hung Up” look (which oddly transitions from fantasy to reality), and she looks so much more real. I mean, her hair – can we talk about that hair!? Turn up the volume children, because Mama came to throw down. The only drawback to the whole Madonna ensemble was the calf-length hose. Get them to the ankle, Tina!
Best Runner Up for Song of the Week
Of course I’m giving another shout out to Santana! I love this bitch! Actually, I would have given “Nutbush City Limits” a tie with Kurt and Rachel, but Santana showed up in a cheerleader uniform to perform at the high school. She’s more diva than that; at least take the kids into the auditorium so she can leave it on the stage. To cap off her guest appearance, Santana has a heart-to-heart with Britney (always cutes patoots) and decides to follow her dreams to NYC while belting out “Girl on Fire”. It was a crime to keep this diva locked down in cheerleader uniforms when she’s got an amazing cobalt blue leather jacket that’s begging to be coveted.
Next week is supposed to be the wedding episode, which means Will is coming back. Ugh. But at least we got another dose of Santana this week and saw her decide to follow her dreams. Wait… following dreams? To New York City? SANTANA IS JOINING THE NYC CREW! Batten down the hatches, friends – it’s about to get a whole lot more sassy on the east coast.