A Bouffant Worth of Lies

Sutton’s wreaking havoc on the Mercer marriage thanks to Kristen’s Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain. Emma is in LA uncovering the truth about Rebecca. It only takes her one episode, and it took Sutton an entire season – more proof that Emma is the Elizabeth Wakefield of the twins. Laurel, more sure than ever that she’s being Parent Trapped, follows Sutton to Rebecca’s and falls off the retaining wall, earning her a trip to the hospital. Emma returns, sneaks into Laurel’s room, and finally tells her the truth. Oh, and Mads realizes she’s majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Josh Jordan.


You know how, after months in a third world prison, when you’re finally out you want to eat a huge dinner but your stomach has shrunk so much that all you can eat is a cube of bouillon? Well, I think Sutton’s going through that, except replace “third world prison” with “exile from the Magic Closet.” That’s the only explanation for why she’s wearing what appears to be her tennis outfit to school.

I thought Arroyos had a strict dress code. Where’s the sequins? The daytime glamour? Sutton almost looks like a regular high school student, which feels so terribly wrong.

 

It takes some good, old-fashioned revenge (!!!) to help Sutton readjust to the endless options presented by her Magic Closet. Sutton wears a deceptively sweet lace top to drop a bomb in the form of a Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain.

 

Of course, much like with Sutton herself, there’s always another side to things.

The bow closures on the back are so sweetly sexy, and such a great take on the back embellishments we’ve been seeing in stores all season.

 

For Dan and Teresa’s engagement party (they’re engaged, btw), Sutton knocks it out of the park in this LBD with a plunging mesh neckline and mesh back. 

So sexy, so age-inappropriate, so occasion-inappropriate – y’all, I think our Sutton may be back.

 

 

 

 

Laurel tries her hand at some classic YKYLF snark with her assessment of Sutton’s footwear: “Hooker heels? Must be a special occasion.” Nice burn, Laurel, but let’s be real: these beauties are meant for a life better than stalking a street corner. At the very least, they’re high-class escort heels.

Or, given the Arroyo High School daytime glamour dress code, these are “Rush to third period calc” heels.

 

Let’s check in on Emma, who is continuing her trend of living Sutton’s life. First she took over her homelife, now she’s reliving Sutton’s plot from season one. Fortunately for all of us, she’s now been trained in the fine art of fashion.

Can you imagine if she’d gone to LA before having access to the Magic Closet? Instead of this fabulous white motorcycle jacket and matching skinnies, we’d have that awful jean jacket from episode one. I shudder at the thought.

 

Had to do a close-up of Emma’s giant cocktail ring.

Emma lost some serious points in my book when she came all the way out to LA with this fabulous ring and didn’t offer to let me borrow it. Not cool, fictional character. Not cool.

 

Both the girls wear a ton of pink in this episode: Sutton wears a pink tennis outfit at the club and a pink tank after revealing the Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain. Emma works this cute, drapey pink top when she goes to interview a nurse who was at her delivery.

I don’t have any conclusions to draw based on that observation, I’m just saying, in addition to having flawless hair, the girls love their pink.

 

Laurel’s softer style shines through in this just-shy-of-lime green top.

Yes, they used a similar color last week, but I love that they’re putting her in these brights. It feels so young and fun, plus totally on-trend.

 

Laurel wears this ensemble to play Nancy Drew and the Case of the Erratic Sister. She ends up in the hospital after falling off a retaining wall, but I’m just surprised she managed to get to Rebecca’s house without twisting an ankle. 

Yes, when she got dressed, she wasn’t planning on trailing Sutton, but I’m just saying: when you start thinking your sister might have a secret twin, it’s time to switch to sensible shoes. Sure, you might not have to follow her and climb a retaining wall, but you’re better safe than doing an awkward shuffle-run in platforms.

 

It’s the halfway point in this recap. Time for some Gratuitous Male Shirtlesness.

Our thoughts exactly, Mads. Oh, and great robe.

 

The show’s title might refer to the tricks Sutton used to play on her friends and family, but Mads is running a couple of her own Lying Games these days. She’s being cornered by Laurel about the Sutton/Emma situation and she’s hiding her illicit stepbrother affair from Alec. Seriously, you guys, her hair is so full of secrets it’s a bouffant.

I don’t know how her wee little lollipop neck is supporting all the weight of her LIES.

 

If last week’s episode was all about the grey, this week is chock full of pink. Per usual, Mads is doing everything right.

Such a perfect, summery outfit. And is it just me, or does it feel like they’re having a heatwave in Arizona in this episode? The absence of a necklace with this outfit feels very “Ugh, it’s too hot for jewelry.”

 

To lounge by the pool and do some English homework (what, isn’t that how you studied in high school?), Mads throws on this super cute bikini and matching earrings.

I’d say the outfit is a dead giveaway that she’s pulling a Cher and wearing a cute outfit to win over her stepbrother, but let’s be honest: even if there were no elligble men on Earth, Mads would still match her accessories to her bikini.

 

She wraps up the episode with a little indignation and a gorgeous Robbi & Nikki dress.

I wish there were a better photo of the dress. It’s super cute, and she looks great in olive.

 

The heat must have broken for the evening, because Mads is back to her giant accessories.

I don’t know how she does it. She is literally the size of a dandelion, but she absolutely rocks giant accessories. She should hold seminars on the proper pairing of chunky jewelry.

 

If Mads wins at wearing pink this episode, it’s safe to say that Jordan loses.

Is it just me, or could Jordan’s entire wardrobe be taken from James Spader’s closet in the 80s?

 

Don’t give me those earnest eyes, hot stepbrother.

And what is up with your epaulette fixation? If we hadn’t seen him shirtless multiple times, I’d say that his deep, dark secret is that he actually has super narrow shoulders, and he wears the epaulettes to compensate.

 

I think I’ve finally figured out why Kristen can’t define her waist to save her life: much like Mads hiding secrets in her hair, Kristen’s been hiding all her secrets in ill-fitting dresses. Seriously, this is before Sutton reveals that Kristen felt like a bad mom and was in love with Alec:

Standard Kristen fare: loose top, giant skirt, neutral colors, not particularly flattering. I would have left it out of the recap … except!

 

This is how she dresses after all her secrets are revealed:

RIGHT? She’s barefoot and carrying a book because this is what Kristen considers loungewear when she doesn’t have to stuff all her secrets into a giant denim tunic. I want to be mad at Sutton for playing Rebecca’s game, but at the same time, she’s done Kristen a huge sartorial favor.

 

Side note: was anyone else stunned to find out that this was actually Kristen’s diary? I totally thought it was a fake, because for real, who keeps a diary in a spiral bound notebook?

 

Also, has Officer Dan always had these guns? Or has he been stepping up his weight training now that he’s got Theresa to impress?

Anyway, that’s the recap!

 

Oh, sorry, Thayer. I didn’t see you over there next to the wall that’s the SAME COLOR AS YOUR SHIRT. AGAIN.

New theory: Thayer’s real father is actually a chameleon.