What Jess (and her fellow Indian marriage convention attendees) Wore

In true hangover fashion, Nick and Jess are trying to deal with the repercussions of their “firm but tender” kiss. The gang (plus Cece and Dr. Sam) all end up at an Indian marriage convention, where, obviously, Nick and Jess run in to each other and more awkwardness ensues. Dr. Sam dumps Jess after she admits she and Nick smooched, and Jess and Nick get paired up in a game involving masking tape and the phone book (it’s less kinky than it sounds). Schmidt, in a noble act of true love, yells at India for being idiots and not recognizing the brown angel in front of them — nobody puts Baby at the loser Table 34. The crowd goes awwww, and he wins MVP of the week.

 

Neither Jess nor Nick are able to sleep after the kiss which impacted Jess so much she “saw through space and time for a minute”. Translation: I love Nick Miller and want to jump his bones as awkwardly and as quickly as possible! She leaves his room (to jump said bones?) and runs right into him.

Raaaawwwrrrr I just can’t get enough of you!

 

Once realty hits the duo, they tandem freak-out, causing Jess to silent scream and Nick to “panic moonwalk“. Apparently, this is his overplayed defense mechanism. I’d like to know what else makes Nick panic moonwalk besides kissing Jess and… terrorism?

But look how cute they are! They could def be in a Target ad with a dog and steaming cups of coffee. Jess’ mens’ styled pjs are an absolute must for every girls’ pajama drawer. So comfy and yet, can be quite sexy, too.

 

Clad in wrinkled morning-after-what-the-hell-did-I-do-last-night-did-I-completely-ruin-my-life?-wear, Jess confesses the kiss to Cece.

Jess said she was like Scarlet O’Hara in her freaking curtain dress, and quite honestly, I’d much rather see that than this J. Crew button down that’s not really a button down since the designer got lazy halfway down the shirt. Jess, I get that you’re “hungover” (which is also why your hair is a little under the weather), but your outfit’s got Cece going all…

 

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!!!!!!!!

Ok, that was about the kiss, but she’s definitely judging your attire, too, while trying not to stare at herself on the cover of the magazine to her left (I mean really, how cool is Cece?!). At any rate, Cece’s got way more important things to worry about right now other than Jess’ wrinkly shirt and lackluster hair. Like this…

 

Schmidt wearing a dress.

Ok, I know that’s not a dress, but c’mon — it’s not every white man who’d wear a outfit that rivals Aladdin’s wedding clothes.

 

Nor, Cece, is it every day that said man will study for an entire week to properly attend an Indian marriage convention and yell “get your crap together, India!” to a room full of your fellow brethren because he’s outraged that they put you at the slacker table with Nick.

 

Ya know, the more I stare at Schmidt, the more I think Cece could use him to spice up her wardrobe. There’s no question she’s the most normal of the bunch, but her drab wardrobe is clearly a reflection of her current sex-less love life. Let my man Schmidty help a girl out. Cece, you blazer makes you look super sophisticated, but your bubbies are just a leetle too big to fit in there properly, thus making the blazer ill-fitting, and I can’t stop harping on that. 

It also deflects from your super shiny and gorgeous locks. Plus, you’re at an Indian marriage convention, aren’t bright colors the norm? Snap out of it girl!!

 

Back to What Jess Wore. This royal blue number is what? A dress? A tunic over a skirt? An apron? And what’s up with the ooglay patent leather belt? Don’t like none of that, yo. You are not at a middle school sock hop, Jess.

 

I actually think if the halter strap wasn’t there, I wouldn’t find the dress so offensive. But nevertheless, it’s there, I’m pretty sure Sam karate-chopped Nick because he was outraged by the dress and had to take it out on something.  

I did feel badly for Doc Sam. He’s super cute and really did care about Jess. At least he can still make a cool exit.

 

Though, not cool that he made Jess cry, even if she is a really pretty crier.

And at least she’s back in her normal, standard issue J-Crew sweater. Which I absolutely love, bt-dubs.

 

I mean, look! I am way into elbow patches right now. The color scheme and buttons on the shoulders are just perfect, too. Overall, it’s the best post-breakup sweater. Espcially since it makes Nick go all….

Daammm, I want to. Tap. That!

 

Oy, guys. Yes, we here at YKYLF thought this was a little weird, too. We’re confused and a little concerned about the consequences, but we can probably all agree that by the end of the season you’re going to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thang…

Which is totes fine because we’ve been yelling at our screens since the start of the show for this to happen. But now that it’s actually happening we’d like to make sure you don’t mess anything up by, well, by being yourselves. So here’s hoping!