What Jess Wore

This episode of New Girl brought us many things (the return of True American, a new love interest for Winston), but the most notable was the steamy KISS between Nick and Jess! Were you sitting at home with your jaw gaping open, too? It’s like… who cares what else happened this week?! I can tell you what didn’t happen – normal displays of Jessica Day’s clothing. But what with Dr. Sam McHottie on her arm and a stolen kiss with her roommate, Jess clearly does not need cute outfits to get guys. Thanks for lying to us for all those years, Clothing Industry.

 

Jess starts off the episode just chillin’ all cool in the loft, drinking tea and watching the guys get ready in the bathroom. As usual, her hair is super-shiny and she’s wearing her brainy hot chick glasses:

Take note: this is the only normal outfit she wore all episode. It’s going to go downhill from here, kids, so strap in.

 

 

 

Nick doesn’t want Jess to come out with them because supposedly she’s his “cooler”, i.e. she scares away the ladieez. At first I wondered how that face could turn anyone away, then I realized I really want to be friends with Jess. Which means if she suggests that I track down my ex and marry him, I will completely listen to her, rather than go home with the bartender currently hitting on me. Great for (hypothetical) me, not so good for Nick. Hence? Cooler.

No matter, Jess takes full advantage of having the apartment to herself for the evening by doing what we all do when we’re home alone and bored:

Create dummies of our roommates and talk to them…

 

Run laps, sans pants…

 

Make dresses out of cardboard boxes…

 

…and dress up like a ballet-dancing Hawaiian karate fighter. Just add some cookies and trash tv to the mix and you pretty much have my average Saturday night!

 

Jess hears scratching at the door and hides out in a pile of pillows. Really, Jess? You think a duvet and ping-pong paddle will save you from a clawed creature/serial killer? I think he/she/it would take one look at your koo-koo ensemble, be all “eff this – too much work” and move on to the next apartment.

 

Luckily, the boys come home (with a couple of ladies they met at Nick’s bar), and they all decide to play Strip True American. Are you confused by this game, too? Look, here are the rules! I may not be able to make sense of the game, but I am glad that Jess took off her headscarf and apron.

She still looks like Where’s Waldo and Cyndi Lauper’s lovechild, but it’s at least a slightly more normal ensemble.

 

And things just look better and better as the layers start to come off – I’m in love with her pretty purple lace bra!

Props for matching your bra to your tights, Jess. However, maybe you should have put more thought into playing the game because your plan to get Nick laid by Brooklyn Decker backfired. Nick and Jess (according to the clearly made up rules) get shoved behind the giant slidey door and the others won’t let them out until they kiss. Things get close there for a minute, but then Nick’s anxiety takes over and he climbs out the window. So, he’d rather jump to his death than kiss you, Jess. Don’t take it personally.

 

For a bit it seemed that (sigh) that was that and the anticipation would be dragged out for another few episodes, when all of a sudden…

BAM! Yup, this happened. In case you missed it or just want to re-live the hotness, here is the full scene. You’re welcome.

Ah, but what will happen now that they’ve crossed the line into new territory? When the guy you made out with is your roommate, what happened between you is kind of in your face constantly. Literally. Like, it’s in your kitchen eating your cereal and in your bathroom leaving the seat up. Regardless, things have definitely gotten HOTTER (not cooler) in the loft, and I can’t wait to see what happens next!