So here’s what you missed on Glee: Tina is going through a “Grace Adler in love with Will Truman” phase and decides to stage a Sadie Hawkins dance to bag Blaine as her new boyfriend. Blaine himself has a major puppy crush on Sam and his amazing cheese grater abs, and they go on a fact-finding mission to expose the post-Blaine Warblers as roid ragers more pumped up than a 1970s East German swimming team. On the east coast, Rachel decides to invite her pretty new boyfriend in, and she inspires Kurt to ask out the dreamy Englishman who heads the otherwise uncool show choir at NYADA.
This week, we were left without several Glee standards such as the Sue track-suit sighting or a Santana sound bite. With that being said…
Song of the Week:
The simply incredible easy listening show choir version of Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” — led by the eponymously named Adam of Adam’s Apples (aka Kurt’s hot new piece) — was a fine stand-in for this week’s lack of a Rachel’s Melodramatic Solo.
In college, I always wanted a laid back singer-slash-actor boyfriend with amazing light-Bohemian accessorizing and toned biceps. I never got him. But in the late 90s, that was what I wanted. Also, I believe that their song was a booty call to Kurt.
Inappropriate Crush of the Week, #1: Tina
Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women says something to the effect of “love is a great beautifier”. Lots of people fall in love this week. Not all of it leads to beautiful fashion.
Tina has tempered her Sailor Moon sensibilities and is now into Day-Glo-inspired sack dresses that recall Twiggy more than Anime. Sadly, she is also in love with a gay man, but most women have done so at some point. Her performance of “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” is at once depressing, embarrassing and also bittersweet. And although no woman has ever sang that to me, the vibes were oddly familiar.
Tina may not know it, but her deepest affection for Blaine will be best met by their cuddling on the couch when they’re both 35, snarking together at bad reality TV and eating home-made snack platters filled with ahi tuna and avocado salad, hummus and kale chips.
Inappropriate Crush of the Week, #2: Blaine
Blaine buries any thoughts of Sam in this very gay Popeye sweater, while the Jersey-accented girl whose name I can’t be bothered to commit to memory (I know it’s a baking ingredient. Flour? Molasses? Cinnamon?) has managed to take some olive yarn plus the shape of Ugly Betty’s “Guadalajara” poncho and turn herself into a Village People groupie. Kids, we can do better.
Like this! Blaine has redeemed this shawl neck number with a totally cool hat and casual dress combo. I’m wearing the same thing to tea next weekend.
By the way, he looks hot with either Tina or Sam. If Tina has fallen in love with a gay boy, then she and her chain-link top have made the right choice. Much more believable than Mercedes thinking she could climb Kurt in season one.
Schue Sighting: Finn
It appears that Finn has taken over not only Schue’s job, but his closet as well. This reminds me of the episode of 30 Rock (“Dealbreakers”) when Frank took over Liz Lemon’s job and eventually started dressing, eating and having emotional breakdowns a la Liz.
So the Sadie Hawkins dance goes off beautifully, and naturally, the Gleeks perform. The boys number, “No Scrubs”, is classy elegant and what’s this? Teen Jesus accessorizes better than anyone. Yes, even Kurt.
As for the Sadie Hawkins girls’ number…
Too much taffeta and sateen, like everything came from a dress shop where they blare a lot of Dolly Parton and cater to segregated proms. Otherwise their rendition of “Locked Out of Heaven” is energetic and appropriately upbeat.
I do love that they throw in Unique and Marley together as spiritual twins. I further enjoy that Unique has been given free rein to express her cross-gender identity without making it an after-school special. It’s a tough journey but snaps to the Glee writers for allowing her this space and MHS appears to accept it.
Let’s closely examine Brittany:
In related news, guess what else is on this week, you guys? The U.S. Figure Skating Championships AND the European Figure Skating Championships! That means there’s a huge influx of wild costumes being paraded around. Brit appears to be doing Swan Lake on ice, but really the first thing I thought of was Johnny Weir and his version of Saint-Saens’s The Swan, with a costume he named Camille:
Sadly, Brittany S. Pierce didn’t have the gloves or the elegant choreography.
As for Sugar (aha, I remembered!), I only pray that no Muppets were harmed in the making of her costume.
Now here’s someone who is the show’s closest counterpart to Johnny Weir-Voronov. Nondescript and functional, but the look on his face combined with the hood here reminds me of Grace Jones:
I’m convinced Chris Colfer, the costume designer and the director all conspired to put this screen cap together with the Fox publicity machine. (I took the bait, guys!)
Mad Men Moment:
The 1960s are alive and well, as evidenced by the girls’ rendition of “Tell Him” and their aqua dresses, straight from Betty (formerly Draper) Francis’s closet.
So what did you think, Gleeks? Will the Warbler conspiracy be outed like Lance Armstrong? Will the Kurt and hot British actor guy serenade us with MOR power duets anytime soon? And will Finn turn into Schue so much that he starts speaking Spanish and kissing Gwyneth Paltrow?