This week on EIGHTEEN CANDLES: It’s not so much that everybody forgets Charlotte’s Sweet 18, it’s just that they all have better things to do. Emily’s pretending to be back with Daniel to ensure he takes over Stonehaven United. Victoria’s pulling out all the stops to prevent Daniel from buying Stonehaven, including but not limited to sleeping with the competition. Nolan figures out that Padma’s up to no good, which requires fairly small amounts of detective work since she’s pulling out the Toby Cavanaugh shifty eyes every three seconds. Conrad, on Ashley’s advice, bails out Jack’s Bar and it looks like all is well for the Porter Fam… until the meaner half of the Bad News Bears offers to beat people up to support Connie’s campaign and that little queen totally gives in. The Initiative gives Aiden an offer he can’t refuse: kill Queen V in exchange for his sister’s life. Emily convinces him against assassination, but when it looks like his sister is in further peril, Aiden breaks up with her and runs off to the rescue. And as a birthday gift to herself, Charlotte changes her name from Grayson to Clarke. BURN!


Emily’s Target
Um… I think she’s working to bring down The Initiative via Stonehaven United and/or by destroying Daniel, but I’m not entirely sure. I miss the days of a straightforward Red Sharpie’ing.

Gala of the Week
While Char’s birthday was the event du jour, the main event was Emily and Daniel’s California vacay and gorgeous beachwear. 

Best Dressed
Emily wears a Kate Middleton-esque sapphire blue gown that shows off truly spectacular cleave in a manner The Duchess would never dare. SUPER HOT.

Most Soapy Moment
When Nip/Tuck was like, “Sleep with me and I’ll do whatever you want” and Queen V was like “Obviously” and Aiden had her in the crosshairs until she pulled the curtains. DRAMAAAA! 

Over-the-Shoulder Hugs 0 Attempted Assassinations: 1
Who has time for creepy over-the-shoulder-hugs when Aiden’s lining up a sniper rifle like the next coming of 007? SUPER HOT x 1000.


I’ll be back on Wednesday to see if I can make sense of this week’s super-intense yet entirely random installment.