What Jess Wore

During a friendly game of “feely cup” (is this a real thing?), Nick’s, Nickels, Little Penis’ business man con man dad pays a visit. Obviously Nick hates his dad and tries to explain to Jess what a bad guy he is. Of course Jess doesn’t listen and believes Walt when he says he wants a second chance with Nick. Since second chances are Jess’ favorite kind of chances and because Jess is the most gullible person on the face of the planet, she believes Walt. And because she’s annoyingly nice and always tries to make things work, she ends up buying a horse. A very pretty horse, but pretty doesn’t always make things OK, Jess! Meanwhile Schmidt runs into Robbie while spying on Cece and the two form an uncomfortably awkward bromance, and neither wins back Cece’s heart.

 

What do you get when you mix America’s supply of self tanner, a cheap, shiny, pinstripped suit, and a man who actually calls his son Little Penis in public? Walt Miller, the oversized Oompa Loompa, con man.   

 

Walt just can’t keep his hands off Jess in this super comfy and soft argyle sweater, probably since it most likely reminds him of something his mom would wear. Look, it’s a beautific sweater. My work wardrobe would absolutely love it. I’d even love it paired with burgundy cords and riding boots. However, I just feel like we’re starting to get a little too… Jess Day: Saving the Day One J-Crew Sweater at a Time.

 

It must be nice to be able to go to the race track during the day when you should be doing real life stuff. But it’s even nicer when you’re stomping around in those beauts. Because ERMAGERD you guys, I would give my left pinky for those boots. While I should be doing real life stuff, I’ve been searching aimlessly for a pair of boots like Jess’s that look just like the Frye Melissa (or Paige?) boots I want, but that don’t require me to sell a portion of my soul to the devil. These look to fit the bill and I almost (I said almost) like them just as much as the real thing. 

 

 

 

Sometimes I think Jess is my Samantha American Girl Doll come to life. Jess’ wardrobe is seriously straight out of the American Girl Doll magazine. Which for me totally works since Samantha was my fav and I coveted every single piece of clothing and furniture of hers. I digress. But this riding outfit is top notch. I think in theory I should hate it – I’m not always the biggest houndstooth fan, but paired with the bright red vest and navy riding pants, it’s just so off it’s on. And that red cross body bag? To die for!

 

Know what else I die for? This teal J. Crew Majesty peacoat (ahh! J. Crew again!). Not to mention the perfect curl in her hair. Jess may not have it all together (case in point Mr. Ed to her left), but there’s no denying girlfran knows how to accessorize. 

 

You guys!!! I’m really starting to get antsy here! When will these two crazy kids get their act together? Clearly they’re meant to be. What’s the saying… those who con together, stay together? Le sigh.